RE: Hey!
March 17, 2015 at 3:22 pm
(This post was last modified: March 17, 2015 at 3:26 pm by WastedLife.)
Thanks for the welcomes and the best wishes 
It's great to be here. Yeah, the past is gone and all I have is the present moment and not having that dark heavy weight upon me all the time is a.... hahaha I was going to write Godsend
Edit .... "not having that dark heavy weight upon me all the time is ......"
Do you know? I don't know what it feels like probably because I have never known anything like it before. I feel light and as if I am all present and correct. I guess it must be peace I'm feeling. Just a few months ago I would be sitting here and typing and I would genuinely feel as if there was a presence in the room with me, both loving and guiding as well as judging and hyper-critical.
When the scales finally fell away I realized I was looking in at an old rundown mental asylum, wooden boards hammered into place but with the bars still showing. When I was within it I accepted I was in the main miserable but felt it was far better than being those roaming around outside lost. I subsequently discovered that they were roaming outside not because they were lost but because they were free. Here I am, one of 'those' people. I still find myself assailed by guilt and shame from time to time but I will tentatively say it feels good.
It's great to be here. Yeah, the past is gone and all I have is the present moment and not having that dark heavy weight upon me all the time is a.... hahaha I was going to write Godsend
Edit .... "not having that dark heavy weight upon me all the time is ......"
Do you know? I don't know what it feels like probably because I have never known anything like it before. I feel light and as if I am all present and correct. I guess it must be peace I'm feeling. Just a few months ago I would be sitting here and typing and I would genuinely feel as if there was a presence in the room with me, both loving and guiding as well as judging and hyper-critical.
When the scales finally fell away I realized I was looking in at an old rundown mental asylum, wooden boards hammered into place but with the bars still showing. When I was within it I accepted I was in the main miserable but felt it was far better than being those roaming around outside lost. I subsequently discovered that they were roaming outside not because they were lost but because they were free. Here I am, one of 'those' people. I still find myself assailed by guilt and shame from time to time but I will tentatively say it feels good.
I spent the best part of my life believing in an imaginary system which could absolve me from imaginary sin and not only that, by believing in the imaginary deity and taking up the imaginary offer of an imaginary eternal life I was offered the chance to live in an imaginary world up in the sky when I died. And what did I have to do to have all of this? Simple, I gave up using my real brain in my real life in this real world. F*cked up or what?
