Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past

[Pyrrho]

The tin foil hat stuff was how monogamy is a secret plot by the ruling class to keep poor people something something docile and easily controlled so they something something can rule the world. 

The mechanics of how that works exactly is left to the fevered imaginations of conspiracy theorists. 

The simpler explanation for why we have traditions of monogamy in at least Western culture is not hard to understand. Women want men to help them raise their children and men want to be sure that said children are actually theirs. Women don't want their hubbies running off with another women leaving them alone to raise the kids by themselves and men don't want to discover they aint actually the daddy of one of the kids. Monogamy is a classic trade off then, you agree not to do this and I agree not to do that. 

But tin foil hat stuff is a lot more interesting to those who are into that. 

Although you are right about what you say, that is not a complete picture of what is going on.  Almost any woman could, if she wished, go to bars every night, starting at age 21, and pick up men and have sex with them, before she marries (if she ever does).  A woman could easily rack up 500 or more lovers that way within a few years, leaving her enough time to still marry someone and have children.  (And, of course, she need not wait until she is 21 to get started, but that is a convenient age for picking up men in bars.)  The thing is, almost no women do that.  So, either most women don't want to have 500 lovers, or they don't do what they want to do, for some reason (like the government mind control theory put forth by someone already in this thread).  My suspicion is, most women simply don't want to have 500 lovers.  It is the simplest hypothesis that fits the known facts.

I could also use myself as an example, though obviously my one case does not prove anything about people generally.  However, I have turned down women who wanted to have sex with me, because I did not want meaningless sex.  I thought about how I wanted to live my life at an early age, and I simply don't want to be having sex with hundreds of women.  I actually like monogamy.  It is not a compromise position for me.  And since I am an atheist (a strong atheist, not one of those wimpy weak atheists!), it isn't that I imagine some god is going to smite me for my choices.  (And if I did take the Bible seriously, I would believe that having multiple wives would be fine, as the God of the Bible approves of such arrangements.)  I could say something about venereal diseases, and knowing my own children, that fit in well with the way I have decided to live my life, but the truth is, bringing those up would really be rationalizations for me doing what I want to do.  If, however, I had wanted to have sex with hundreds of women, those considerations would make me rethink my position, though I doubt they would stop me from doing what I wanted regardless.

I like the companionship part of marriage, as well as the romance and the sex.  I can also point to things like this:



Living a longer, better life is not nothing.  To me, the better part matters far more than longer; I would prefer a short good life, to a long mediocre one.  But setting aside my personal feelings on this matter, the above sorts of statistics indicate that there is more going on than just a compromise that one makes and so one "settles" for monogamy.

I hope no one will misunderstand me in this.  I am not suggesting that everyone be monogamous and marry.  I don't think anyone should marry who does not wish to do so.  And I would not recommend marrying, unless one knows the person very well, knows the person for at least a year before marriage, and is really very sure that one wants to marry that particular person.  Otherwise, I would advise one to hold off and reconsider the matter.  Of course, people are free to ignore my advice and marry strangers if they wish, but they might want to look at the "however" portion of the above graphic.