Converting to Atheism?

[I_am_not_mafia]

1. I already acknowledge Dawkins, Hitchens, and Harris as the three main Atheistic gods, but are there any more Atheist deities that I need to quote?

2. Do I have to make Atheism my whole life identity? Should I constantly assert that I am an Atheist?

2.  I am good and ready to start religious debates with people on the internet, but just how much condescension is required in these Atheistic sermons?

3. I know reading up on other religions is expected of that of a practicing Atheist, but I'm wondering how much is sufficient? Is three Google searches okay enough to compete with a scholar on religion?

4. Must I dismissively label every one who explains something about religion to me as an "apologist"?

5. And finally, does regurgitating witty one-liners like "God is just as real as unicorns, fairies, and the flying spaghetti monster" score me any intellectual points?

1) Don't acknowledge them as that yet. You need to wait at least a few hundred years before you can start calling them a prophet when there is little historical evidence of what exactly went on. You could wait 170 years but most people will think you're just being stupid. People will still be wearing underwear at that point and will question how they can be magical. But try not to wait more than 2,000 years otherwise then it just becomes New Age woo that you're peddling and no longer plausible.

2a) Of course, otherwise people will demand justification from you when you outsource your morality to someone else. If they ask why you believe that you don't have rights to your own reproductive organs or how you can hate people who fall in love in a way that compromises how well you repress your own sexual urges, you'll be left with no answer unless you can claim that they are attacking something fundamental to who you are as a person. Making it your whole identity allows you to put the blame on them!

2b) Now that you have some special insight that others don't have and won't ever be able to understand or obtain even if they use such fallible tools such as logic, reason, evidence and the scientific method, condescension is a natural by-product. After all, you're better than everyone else because of an accident of birth by being born in a certain country at a certain time. It's like inverse racism. And if you came to it because of an emotional need to have faith in something regardless of the evidence then it makes you even more sincere than the people who just happened to be born to religious parents! So embrace your condescension.

3) What really matters is that you pay 10% of your wages to the Atheistic gods Dawkins, Hitchins and Harris. Secondary to this is keeping up appearances to put peer pressure on everyone else to maintain their own appearances. The last thing we need is a mass outbreak of people questioning everyone they have outsourced their morality to otherwise we'd all have to ask the questions ourselves and it's too much effort to go through more than 5 pages of Google results. Thirdly, Dawkins, Hitchin's estate and Harris know whether you are a true believer or not regardless of how many Google searches you do due to some weird unexplained form of telepathy that breaks all the laws of known Physics. Even more weird is why sticking your hands together, closing your eyes and bowing your head somehow accentuates the energy rays emanating from the squidgy mass of neuronal cells inside your skull. But then it works for satellite dishes so why not people too? At least that's what Google told me.

4) Yes. See 2a)

5) No. Best to try writing some satire on a discussion forum somewhere. This may only score intellectual points in your own mind but that's the only thing that matters. Witty one-liners do have their use though. If an argument which you cannot refute can be made so concisely as to be stated within a single line, dismiss it as a witticism.