I think the answer never fits my experience closer - I did believe for a few years when I was a very small kid but I never strongly believed and always had some kind of inner skepticism. I was also never sent to religious education/school so not believing is a natural result.
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you