Many years ago I fell into a killer deal on a giant Nautilus elliptical machine. I used it for a few years, and was way better fit in the cardiovascular sense, but never lost a friggin' pound. I ended up selling it for a profit and walking the streets in the morning for a lot less money. Didn't lose weight that way, either. I got tired of that crap after walking through enough cobwebs that if I had encountered them all at once, I'd've been triced up in a tree and eaten at their leisure.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.