10 things you didn’t know about Star Wars

[robvalue]

1- In episode 5, it’s not actually Luke. If you look closely, you’ll see it’s an actor just pretending to be Luke.

2- I’ve been told episode 4 is actually the first episode, but this is a common myth. If that were the case, and episode 1 came afterwards, everyone is getting younger.

3- If you call your kid Darth Vader, of course he’s going to turn out evil.

4- Darth Vader got the job because of affirmative action. The Emperor’s eyesight was going and he thought he was a black guy. This is obviously the case as he continues to get away with violence in the workplace that the white guys never would.

5- The films are secretly about sexuality. "The gay" currently effects 80-150% of people, according to a scientist. Skywalker rhymes with Thigh-stroker, which is how I suspect two gays reproduce.

6- Two gays don’t necessarily produce a gay offspring.

7- All of the planets in the stories are anagrams of rude words. Sometimes you have to add in a few more letters, or take some away. But you’ll understand eventually.

8- The films are secretly about the futility of fighting evil. Even if you wipe it out, something even worse will suddenly appear, and take over the galaxy while you watch gormlessly.

9- You have to choose whether you’re gay or not at the age of 25, and you can only change your mind once at 30. Do your research.