(April 6, 2019 at 5:05 pm)Der/die AtheistIn Wrote: Unfortunately, there are terrible things in our lives. The death of someone dear to you will affect you for life, and many other bad things.
What if you can't (fully) let go of something that ended well?
What if let's say someone abused another person, then made it up for it and the 2 now have a healthy relationship. But the former abuse can't help but still feel grudge against the other, even if it's in the past.
What if the abuser can't let go of what they did, even if they're mostly happy?
Or what if you can't let go of a car accident, even if everybody who got hurt healed just fine, at least physically, or didn't get hurt at all?
If ifs and butts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a party.
Humans change, over time, for good or bad and in both directions. Don't drive yourself nuts over what could have been, because that is in the past.
The future in what you personally decide to do, is up to you. It isn't an issue of revenge or never forgive, or always forgive.
Again, you keep asking general questions about a life we are not personally connected to face to face. There is no magic solution, no perfect answer.
I can only give you general advice, be it about friends, co workers or family. You can certainly have loved ones family and friends piss you off, and not disown them long term. But in general, it is unhealthy to stay in a long term abusive relationship regardless if it is family, co worker or friend. Ultimately only you can decide what you are willing to tolerate or not.
My late mother and I were polar opposites as far as living habits and political and religious leanings. We certainly came to butt heads more on the living arrangements when we did live together. But it never got to the point where I thought she was Hitler out to gas me and stick me in the oven.
But even with just friends and co workers. They do not value you if all they do is verbally attack you on a daily basis to make you feel small or to get you to bend to their wishes 100% of the time. But getting yelled at by those who do value you on an occasional basis because they are having a bad day, that is normal. It should not be regular no, but conflict is normal, even among those you do get along with.
COMMUNICATION is the key in any healthy relationship.
How you have disagreements does not mean you should never have disagreements. It only becomes abuse when it is repeated verbal abuse on a daily basis and especially if it is physical.
Everyone has a bad day and can occasionally say things they regret. But nobody has the right to expect you to be a doormat.
