In the past few days I have been thinking back to the days when I was running a ministry for a total of four years in the Pentecostal faith.It's been 15 years since that came to and end but the path that led me there was strange nontheless.It all began one day when I was in church service and my pastor challeged all the believers to try and read the entire bible at least once in its entirety.He gave us a plan that would allow us to read it a little at a time in the course of a year.I took this challenge to heart and could not wait a year,it took me a total of 3 months to read it and instead of bringing me closer to god it pulled me away.
I remember the genuine fear that I felt at the prospect of doubting the bible and turning my back on the God that at that time was very real to me.Unlike many fanatics in the Pentecostal faith I was not a back seat christian.I preached to anybody at anytime and anywhere about the greatness of God and had no shame of speaking publicly of my convictions.
One day while assisting a fellow evangelist as we prayed for a man in the last stages of AIDS in the hospital I felt like a traitor when my friend declared him healed and somehow I had the feeling that he wasn't.I heard my own voice in my head say "no he is not".At the time when this would happen I thought it was God speaking to me.I recieved my instructions during preaching and ministering to the masses in the same manner.
The more I read the bible the more disgusted I became with the O.T. gods actions toward humanity.The many atrocities he himself committed and commanded the Hebrews to commit.At the same time my fear grew,I thought God would strike me down at any moment.I feared hell,death,and many other irrational things that I had learned and had ingrained in my mind and in my heart.
I dared not mention these thoughts and feelings to anyone in church since I knew they would attribute it all to Satan.They would want to pray for me non stop and try to cast so called demons out of me etc.The last straw was when I was looking for a book at a christian store and found a book about the charismatic aspects of Pentecostalism.The author explained many things about psycho-somatic disorders and many other things to explain away the apparent miracles and presence of God as most christians claimed to feel.He was a christian author but did not believe in the miraculous.His book was the final push I needed to kiss the church goodbye once and for all.
I have no remaining friends from the church since I have left.I dont miss it but it took awhile for me to overcome the irrational fears that religious beliefs had ingrained in my mind.Leaving the church actually felt like breaking out of prison.I felt a freedom that I had never experienced before.Freedom of opinion,of thought,of actions that are normal but condemned by the church.Life without God is good and I have learned to stand on my own two feet and not rely on a fictional god to guide my life.
It is my opinion based on my experience that religion is a negative influence in many aspects of anyones life.It teaches you that you are nothing without God,that you can do nothing and that you cant think of certain things without offending 'the great one' in the sky.From a logical standpoint how religion has lasted as long as it has baffles the mind.Now I look upon religious folks with pity.Although,there intentions may be good I have to agree with Frued and state that religion is a delusion.My question to all my fellow atheist and believers is the following:Is religion detrimental to our mental health?
I remember the genuine fear that I felt at the prospect of doubting the bible and turning my back on the God that at that time was very real to me.Unlike many fanatics in the Pentecostal faith I was not a back seat christian.I preached to anybody at anytime and anywhere about the greatness of God and had no shame of speaking publicly of my convictions.
One day while assisting a fellow evangelist as we prayed for a man in the last stages of AIDS in the hospital I felt like a traitor when my friend declared him healed and somehow I had the feeling that he wasn't.I heard my own voice in my head say "no he is not".At the time when this would happen I thought it was God speaking to me.I recieved my instructions during preaching and ministering to the masses in the same manner.
The more I read the bible the more disgusted I became with the O.T. gods actions toward humanity.The many atrocities he himself committed and commanded the Hebrews to commit.At the same time my fear grew,I thought God would strike me down at any moment.I feared hell,death,and many other irrational things that I had learned and had ingrained in my mind and in my heart.
I dared not mention these thoughts and feelings to anyone in church since I knew they would attribute it all to Satan.They would want to pray for me non stop and try to cast so called demons out of me etc.The last straw was when I was looking for a book at a christian store and found a book about the charismatic aspects of Pentecostalism.The author explained many things about psycho-somatic disorders and many other things to explain away the apparent miracles and presence of God as most christians claimed to feel.He was a christian author but did not believe in the miraculous.His book was the final push I needed to kiss the church goodbye once and for all.
I have no remaining friends from the church since I have left.I dont miss it but it took awhile for me to overcome the irrational fears that religious beliefs had ingrained in my mind.Leaving the church actually felt like breaking out of prison.I felt a freedom that I had never experienced before.Freedom of opinion,of thought,of actions that are normal but condemned by the church.Life without God is good and I have learned to stand on my own two feet and not rely on a fictional god to guide my life.
It is my opinion based on my experience that religion is a negative influence in many aspects of anyones life.It teaches you that you are nothing without God,that you can do nothing and that you cant think of certain things without offending 'the great one' in the sky.From a logical standpoint how religion has lasted as long as it has baffles the mind.Now I look upon religious folks with pity.Although,there intentions may be good I have to agree with Frued and state that religion is a delusion.My question to all my fellow atheist and believers is the following:Is religion detrimental to our mental health?
There is nothing people will not maintain when they are slaves to superstition
http://chatpilot-godisamyth.blogspot.com/
http://chatpilot-godisamyth.blogspot.com/
