Eilonnwy -
You're still doing it, you're reading into my words things which I'm not saying. Here's a list of what I'm not saying but which you've assumed :
I'm not saying that the focus should be on what the woman does instead of what the rapist does. What I am saying however is that what the woman does deserves focus.
I'm not saying that people shouldn't be educated about any of this, far from it.
I'm not saying that I have contempt for women, I don't.
What you appear to be doing is coming into this discussion with loads of semantic baggage and a host of deeply ingrained assumptions about what people mean by what they say, and then laying it all out, pointing at it, and saying "that's you, that is". Not so. You have the feeling that you're being very perceptive about weeding out certain negative attitudes towards women when actually you're misunderstanding, to an astonishing degree, what I and others are saying. I'll try again. Try to take in what I'm saying, and take it for what it is, and try not to let my words lead you down the path of assumptions in which you find yourself.
Every single person is responsible for their life. Even if something is not your fault, you're responsible for doing your best to prevent bad things happening to you. If it's easy, it's easy, if it's hard, it's hard, but it's always your responsibility to try. You can't live your whole life just hoping that bad people won't do bad things to you. You can sit there talking about how it's the rapist who's in the wrong and not the victim, and despite being absolutely correct, you may still get raped if you are careless. I'm not even particularly interested in what constitutes the correct way to be careful, and what minimises risk or what doesn't, since that is not my issue. My issue is simply that if you, as a woman, do not go out of your way to make some kind of risk assessment (and it doesn't matter what it is, or even if you get it all wrong) and take whatever measures you feel will minimise the risk, you're a fool. By consciously going out of your way to neglect your own safety, you're being irresponsible towards yourself. Life isn't fair, but that's no reason to throw your hands in the air and stubbornly focus on nothing but the rapist who is in the wrong. That's how children think, and it's what makes them childish. No one is saying that anyone deserves to be raped, or that rapists aren't in the wrong. But what I and others are saying is that by focussing away from your responsibility for your safety, you're being irresponsible. Who cares about the rapist being in the wrong if all you're going to do is go out without any thought whatsoever about your safety, and if you get raped, say look, see, he's in the wrong, look at me, I'm a victim. In attempting to label what I'm saying as victim blaming and completely misconstruing my words, you've completely overlooked the fact that you have a victim mentality. People with a victim mentality focus away from their responsibility. Ironically, in one of the sentences in your post in which you misunderstand what I'm saying, you in fact acknowledge that you have a responsibility. Here's what you said : "When you put the focus on what the woman does instead of the people who perpetrate the crime, you are victim blaming". To which I'd say : When you put the focus on what the rapist does instead of what you do, you are a professional victim.
I honestly don't think you're going to understand any of what I've just said.
You're still doing it, you're reading into my words things which I'm not saying. Here's a list of what I'm not saying but which you've assumed :
I'm not saying that the focus should be on what the woman does instead of what the rapist does. What I am saying however is that what the woman does deserves focus.
I'm not saying that people shouldn't be educated about any of this, far from it.
I'm not saying that I have contempt for women, I don't.
What you appear to be doing is coming into this discussion with loads of semantic baggage and a host of deeply ingrained assumptions about what people mean by what they say, and then laying it all out, pointing at it, and saying "that's you, that is". Not so. You have the feeling that you're being very perceptive about weeding out certain negative attitudes towards women when actually you're misunderstanding, to an astonishing degree, what I and others are saying. I'll try again. Try to take in what I'm saying, and take it for what it is, and try not to let my words lead you down the path of assumptions in which you find yourself.
Every single person is responsible for their life. Even if something is not your fault, you're responsible for doing your best to prevent bad things happening to you. If it's easy, it's easy, if it's hard, it's hard, but it's always your responsibility to try. You can't live your whole life just hoping that bad people won't do bad things to you. You can sit there talking about how it's the rapist who's in the wrong and not the victim, and despite being absolutely correct, you may still get raped if you are careless. I'm not even particularly interested in what constitutes the correct way to be careful, and what minimises risk or what doesn't, since that is not my issue. My issue is simply that if you, as a woman, do not go out of your way to make some kind of risk assessment (and it doesn't matter what it is, or even if you get it all wrong) and take whatever measures you feel will minimise the risk, you're a fool. By consciously going out of your way to neglect your own safety, you're being irresponsible towards yourself. Life isn't fair, but that's no reason to throw your hands in the air and stubbornly focus on nothing but the rapist who is in the wrong. That's how children think, and it's what makes them childish. No one is saying that anyone deserves to be raped, or that rapists aren't in the wrong. But what I and others are saying is that by focussing away from your responsibility for your safety, you're being irresponsible. Who cares about the rapist being in the wrong if all you're going to do is go out without any thought whatsoever about your safety, and if you get raped, say look, see, he's in the wrong, look at me, I'm a victim. In attempting to label what I'm saying as victim blaming and completely misconstruing my words, you've completely overlooked the fact that you have a victim mentality. People with a victim mentality focus away from their responsibility. Ironically, in one of the sentences in your post in which you misunderstand what I'm saying, you in fact acknowledge that you have a responsibility. Here's what you said : "When you put the focus on what the woman does instead of the people who perpetrate the crime, you are victim blaming". To which I'd say : When you put the focus on what the rapist does instead of what you do, you are a professional victim.
I honestly don't think you're going to understand any of what I've just said.
