RE: Family Rifts
January 24, 2019 at 10:11 pm
(This post was last modified: January 24, 2019 at 10:13 pm by arewethereyet.)
Sucky situation all around sounds like.
My mother caused a huge rift in our family that divided all three of us kids from dad and drove a wedge between my sister and I that lasted about a decade. During that time my brother and I still talked but we are so far apart in age that we were never really close anyway.
We are all aware how toxic mom is. My brother talks to her on the regular. My sister waits till she gets the whiney voicemail and then breaks down and calls her. I do not deal with mom. She will call now and then but it's always more of her self-serving BS. I am simply over it. I don't need the poison that she spews or the needless drama she leaves in her wake.
I made a full break and I end phone calls quickly and curtly. I hate that she upsets my sister but my sister has to make her own decision...she knows what any dealings with mom results in...there will be lies and manipulations and snide remarks...no one can push buttons quite like mommy dearest. I can't do anything about the relationship between mom and my siblings...it's not my job and they are grown adults who can determine their own boundaries. I have asked my siblings and my kids (also grown) to please not make me the topic of any discussion they have with mom. Of course, I can't control that either but I did ask.
Luckily we are miles from one another so there isn't that extra pressure of get-togethers and holidays...no one wants to spend a holiday with mom....not even her baby boy.
You have to realize that you can control your relationship with other family members. And...other than your minor children...you cannot control the relationships your family members have with one another.
I agree with SteelCurtain in the importance of setting boundaries.
Would you voluntarily spend time with someone who acts the way your family does? Being related doesn't mean you have to be in the middle of someone's toxicity.
- Families are dangerous places.
My mother caused a huge rift in our family that divided all three of us kids from dad and drove a wedge between my sister and I that lasted about a decade. During that time my brother and I still talked but we are so far apart in age that we were never really close anyway.
We are all aware how toxic mom is. My brother talks to her on the regular. My sister waits till she gets the whiney voicemail and then breaks down and calls her. I do not deal with mom. She will call now and then but it's always more of her self-serving BS. I am simply over it. I don't need the poison that she spews or the needless drama she leaves in her wake.
I made a full break and I end phone calls quickly and curtly. I hate that she upsets my sister but my sister has to make her own decision...she knows what any dealings with mom results in...there will be lies and manipulations and snide remarks...no one can push buttons quite like mommy dearest. I can't do anything about the relationship between mom and my siblings...it's not my job and they are grown adults who can determine their own boundaries. I have asked my siblings and my kids (also grown) to please not make me the topic of any discussion they have with mom. Of course, I can't control that either but I did ask.
Luckily we are miles from one another so there isn't that extra pressure of get-togethers and holidays...no one wants to spend a holiday with mom....not even her baby boy.
You have to realize that you can control your relationship with other family members. And...other than your minor children...you cannot control the relationships your family members have with one another.
I agree with SteelCurtain in the importance of setting boundaries.
Would you voluntarily spend time with someone who acts the way your family does? Being related doesn't mean you have to be in the middle of someone's toxicity.
- Families are dangerous places.
“If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” — Confucius
