ACTUAL prophet of Jesus here

[Welsh cake]

In 8th grade a sin plagued me until 10th grade, when I finally asked God to remove my faith because I felt unworthy of it. Not two weeks later did I read in the Bible about “the Prophet”, or what I thought was Muhammad. This began a downward spiral where I began researching Islam, then evolution, then atheism…eventually I admitted to myself that I was an atheist and cried myself to sleep.

^ Actual poe here.

You never de-converted, you've deceived yourself if you honestly think that. You can't ask the God you believe is real to make you stop believing he is real, you idiot.

[genkaus]

Hey Telsa, can you give any examples of how the clock or the randomly opened bible pages answered your questions. I'm in mood for a few laughs.

[Forsaken]

I began to notice time synchronicities—for example, I would enter my dorm room at exactly the same time day after day

He forgot the change the batteries in his clock. So whenever he entered his room, it showed the same time. Matter solved

[Faith No More]

So god speaks to you through digital clocks? Well, there's my problem. Mine are all analog.

[Aegrus]

I began to notice time synchronicities—for example, I would enter my dorm room at exactly the same time day after day

He forgot the change the batteries in his clock. So whenever he entered his room, it showed the same time. Matter solved

Or he just had a tight schedule. Or, more likely, he was a couple of minutes off every day, and he's convinced himself that it was close enough to be exact. Or he's just straight-up lieing.

These people build lots of things out of nothing just because they're desperate to believe, and then they blame sensible people for denying evidence that doesn't actually exist anywhere but in their convoluted heads.

He does make a good point, though- he proves again that fundies think atheism is some kind of dishonest choice we make to knowingly deny god (because he prayed to make him an atheist, the idiot), instead of the logical result of careful evaluation of evidence (or the lack theroef).

I always like hearing fundies talk about atheists, just so I can laugh at how wrong they are- every time they call me a satan-worshipping bigot who chooses to "deny god", it reafirms my belief that they're retarded, have never really talked to an atheist in their life, and we're correct.

[KichigaiNeko]

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[Chuff]

OCD

^^

[5thHorseman]

ACTUAL prophet....... as opposed to one of those fake ones?

[LastPoet]

This is one more proof of the vauted christian humility huh? Anyone give this guy the number bor psychiatric help hotline.

[Nine]

I'm a prophet to. I'm also a creationist. I never lie. I always lie. I'm a mix between a cat/angel/alien/human/tyrannosaurus/bob the builder.

I came here on a spaceship from the 37th moon of the planet spatula. God made the spaceship out of old rice which conveniently evolved on my home world exactly the same as on earth.

God also told me to wait for you to contact me on here so we could arrange a plan to fix the universe. When you are ready we will go to the launchpad near stoke-on-Trent where god has prepared the council of the elders. This is made up of a group of highly esteemed people such as: God, Jesus, Allah, tiddles (a cat), The Doctor, Saddam Hussein and a couple of wasps whose names are Robert and Samuel.

The council will then do the chant of the unfathomable pencil and launch us towards my home world. Once there we will then learn the ways of the spatula. Its a lot like the force in star wars but no laser swords.

When we have completed our training Master Kim-jong-il will take us to the galaxy of the reptilian antelopes where we will singlehandedly kill every innocent reptilian in cold blood to appease the council and stop them destroying the universe out of boredom.

Let me know when you are ready