How to not be desperate for a gf?

[jackman]

Well, being one of those that you mentioned is also a quality, not a quantity. We're the quantity, they are the quality.
Most people are aware of this, and therefore they give up any real hopes of dating or marrying a pro-athlete, or a fashion model.
There are some who do not look for these. I for example, would not marry a fashion model. I want to have a wife who is of a certain profession. Like for example, an engineer, or chemist.
Others, like pharmacists want doctors as their spouse.
There are many qualities in which people look for.
But they look for something.
Something specific, not something "general".
Like courage or "be yourself". You sometimes have to be something else than what you are. For me, it's not that really hard. For I doubt that there is a "genuine" Mehmet down there. There never was.
I play a theatre play in my personal life. Treat people differently, speak in different accents, use different facial mimics.
I have to, in order to maintain the social standing I have today.
This sometimes extends to women, to which I also perform the same facade.

well, i'm not putting on a front just to get some 'hooch' from a woman. lol. i'm always who i am and i'm not stressed enough about woman's parts, to bend over backwards just to get in some.

ok, so great, you're a celeb in your parts. what i mean by quality vs quantity is that the women who go for celebs don't know yet if they're quality (they're not necessarily who they see on stage), they're going for the money or fame. so yes, there may be quality in celebs but that's yet unknown to the people who pursue them.

you are welcomed to look for a certain profession to complement your life. i don't look for a business relationship, i look for passion. it doesn't matter to me if she weaves baskets, if she's one of the best at it, then let's talk about it. there's something in someone's eyes when they love what they do, that draws me in. so she doesn't have to be a chemist to have that. however, if that's what you're into, then great for you.

[ohh EPiC FAiL]

The best advice I can give is to just stop caring. You need to be your own person before you can be in a relationship. Learn to make yourself happy, and fuck what anyone else thinks. Do YOUR thing for you and you ONLY, and the right girl will find YOU. Most girls don't like to be chased, and the ones that do typically just like to play games with your head.

[Epimethean]

I think there is a certain Turkish culture which still comes with machismo as its byproduct, through which men cultivate this fantasy aura of greatness and by means of which the man can imagine himself as a king with his female vassals at his beck and call while he lays plans for the next Trojan revenge.

[Ace Otana]

Find female friends whom you do not need to sleep with. Cultivate good friendships with them.

That is something one should not do if you ask me. Of course if your motivation is to further your relationship beyond friendship.

If you like or love that girl, but if she wants to stay friends, end your friendship, after admitting your feelings.
She will respect your choice, she has to.

Terrible advice. Absolutely awful. Starting off as good friends is actually a good way to learn and understand each other. It gives you both space and time as well as respect for each other. Allows time for feelings to develop. If things don't progress towards feelings of attraction then simply leave it and remain good friends. If you both do develop attraction for each other, take the next step and start arranging dates for you both.

I'm pretty sure women will prefer a man who's patient, caring and understanding rather than some feller who just wants to hit with them before anything else.

[kılıç_mehmet]

they're going for the money or fame

Well, these too, are qualities on their own, but moreover, they are results of other qualities.
For example, a good education, successful job, a handsome face and a nice body, or simply inheritance.
People understand that money and fame come from the clever use of personal qualities. This is why they are attracted to people who have money and fame.

so yes, there may be quality in celebs but that's yet unknown to the people who pursue them.

It certainly is known to them.
But it is also known that celebrities do not look for people that have inferior qualities. They generally look for people with similar social standing.
The people who are not celebrities understand these, and look for people who are not "celebrities". Like for example, an engineer who earns well is certainly no nationwide celebrity. But he/she is a person who has good qualities.

Another take is that many people also look for people with (perceived)negative qualities, even if they might not realize it.
They could, for example, speak of a guy or girl that is "nice and understanding", but go for a person that is not nice and egoistic.
However, there is also this. They do actually look for a person that is nice and understanding, but most nice and understanding people are not their type.
So they go for the others, but expect them to change according to their needs, hoping for them to become "nice and understanding" after all their efforts.

you are welcomed to look for a certain profession to complement your life. i don't look for a business relationship, i look for passion.

Well, why not look for both? I look for many qualities in a woman.
Of course, there are priorities. For example, it would be great if my wife were of the same or related profession as me.
But I would not have any problems with marrying a girl who would want to be a housewife. Or an economist.
But I could never marry a girl who has too different political views than mine. It just would not work. Maybe as a girlfriend, but not any further than that.
Or I would like to marry a girl of my tribe. Tatar. But I would not have any reservations in marrying a Turkmen, or a Bashkir.
But I would not marry a girl that is not a Turk by association of blood.
These are fundamental qualities, and certain details associated with it.

it doesn't matter to me if she weaves baskets, if she's one of the best at it, then let's talk about it.

Of course, but some rather look for a working wife as to better compliment household economy.

there's something in someone's eyes when they love what they do, that draws me in

Well, of course. Personal qualities.

however, if that's what you're into, then great for you.

Not what I'm "into" but it's a matter of preference. I would, of course look for a girl that has a related profession to mine. But if that is not available, I can overlook the job factor easily.

[Epimethean]

"People understand that money and fame come from the clever use of personal qualities. This is why they are attracted to people who have money and fame."



Riiiight.

[kılıç_mehmet]

That is something one should not do if you ask me. Of course if your motivation is to further your relationship beyond friendship.

If you like or love that girl, but if she wants to stay friends, end your friendship, after admitting your feelings.
She will respect your choice, she has to.

Terrible advice. Absolutely awful. Starting off as good friends is actually a good way to learn and understand each other. It gives you both space and time as well as respect for each other. Allows time for feelings to develop. If things don't progress towards feelings of attraction then simply leave it and remain good friends. If you both do develop attraction for each other, take the next step and start arranging dates for you both.

I'm pretty sure women will prefer a man who's patient, caring and understanding rather than some feller who just wants to hit with them before anything else.

I generally don't like to spend too much time with girls I want as a giirlfriend.

In my mind, I look at this as I would look at a plant. Sorry if my metaphor is a bit too harsh sounding for people, but I'm sure that girls use similar metaphors for us males.

You would not want to water a plant too much. If you do that, it will die.
Similarly, if you maintain a relationship that is too friendly with someone, that someone will eventually kill any feelings that could go beyond friendship with you.
Of course, if she does have such feelings. If not, it will just make matters worse, and could even lead to the girl denouncing you either private or in public.
I personally, am an impatient man when it comes to relationships. If I call a girl out to meet with me, and she gives me an answer that doesn't satisfy me, I generally write her off. She certainly does not show the same enthusiasm in meeting eachother as I do.
Of course, I would not do the same for a girl I only view as a friend.
If she wants to go out with someone else, it's her business.

Even though I am impatient, I am not a fool. For a girl, with whom I want to have a relationship, I carefully administer water. Either when the time comes(I generally prefer 3-4 days in between meetings) or whenever she requests water(if she personally calls, you either oblige, or you play the plant. The latter one is a bit risky though).

---

"People understand that money and fame come from the clever use of personal qualities. This is why they are attracted to people who have money and fame."



Riiiight.

, or simply inheritance

Maybe you should have read the rest.

[Epimethean]

I did read the rest, my misogynist friend. Maybe you should realize how easy it is to turn your machine's simple crank. You do realize the value of punctuation, yes? You put the period at the end of the sentence. I simply put the sentence above the period.

That is a pun. You won't get it.

[jackman]

they're going for the money or fame

Well, these too, are qualities on their own, but moreover, they are results of other qualities.
For example, a good education, successful job, a handsome face and a nice body, or simply inheritance.
People understand that money and fame come from the clever use of personal qualities. This is why they are attracted to people who have money and fame.

perhaps you could google terrell owens, nicholas cage, mike tyson, dorothy hamil, gary busey, junior seau ... and tell me what went wrong. they were all big stars and are now piss broke. celeb dies, body falls apart, looks decline, money disappears. after that, what? these people are doing fine when the money is there, but when the cameras go away, more and more of them are starting to realize they can't cope on their own. if you're a celeb stalker for superficial reasons, then you get what you have coming to you.

[Ace Otana]

I generally don't like to spend too much time with girls I want as a giirlfriend.

In my mind, I look at this as I would look at a plant. Sorry if my metaphor is a bit too harsh sounding for people, but I'm sure that girls use similar metaphors for us males.

What's wrong with having girls as friends? I have quite a few girls who are very good friends of mine. We never do anything sexual nor speak of anything of sex or getting into some sort of relationship. Just regular friends. Like male friends really.

You would not want to water a plant too much. If you do that, it will die.
Similarly, if you maintain a relationship that is too friendly with someone, that someone will eventually kill any feelings that could go beyond friendship with you.

Total nonsense. I was friends with Katie for months, after all that time, feelings were developing and we ended up kissing in the end. Never intended to go that far but did because we felt the feelings and it felt right.

Of course, if she does have such feelings. If not, it will just make matters worse, and could even lead to the girl denouncing you either private or in public.

Love is a risky game and you can get a little hurt if the other lacks the feelings you have, but that's love for you. If I like someone, I would always go for friendship first. Allows time for each other to learn and understand each other. With mutual respect you should have no trouble coming to some kind of agreement whatever that agreement is.

I personally, am an impatient man when it comes to relationships. If I call a girl out to meet with me, and she gives me an answer that doesn't satisfy me, I generally write her off. She certainly does not show the same enthusiasm in meeting eachother as I do.

I am patient, however if the other did not show any interest I would let it go before any strong feelings develop. Save yourself the pain sort of thing.