I wish

[zentor]

I had a gun and got on chrisian chat with my webcam

And would blow my brains out infrong of all of u

Cuz I tried doing everything

BUT GOD FUCKING HATES ME AND FAILED ME
he wants me to kill myself
And I will

Because I will kill myself and if gods sends me to he'll

The injustice will he on him
And even he won't be able to escape the penalty
June 20 2012

[Annik]

Don't kill yourself.

There isn't any point in it. The pain is temporary, death is not.

[zentor]

Been suffering for too many years

Since I'm 16 I'm 23 now
Tried all the therapy and meds and NOTHIG helps

And fuck heaven. This life is hell and If I go through this then die and he's like oh I'm sorry, least ur in heaven now!

To me that's a fucking insult
I rather just be agnostic and not exist

[Loading Please Wait]

We got a starving troll over here.

But... If you are serious, don't do it. Someone out there cares about you and your safety.

[Annik]

Killing yourself will do nothing. You're only 23. You've got many years ahead of you. Don't throw it away.

[zentor]

Annik I been hearing that all my life

But Not a single things changed since 16
Except I have less hope
And older and know things won't change
On my suicide forum there's guys like me who are 40+

And I read somewhere that people can't really change who they are
We can fake a personality for a week or so
But the inner us always comes out

And this is mine

[Annik]

That's bullshit. Anyone who tells you they know exactly how personality works is a liar.

You can become whoever you want. You can choose to live. Right now, you're suffering from a chemical imbalance. In the future, who knows what is possible, what meds will come out... Furthermore, expecting your whole life to change around in 7 years while you're an adolescent is not realistic.

You need to wait for the meds to kick it, or for them to find the right combination with your brain chemistry.

[Shell B]

Wallowing in it is not going to help. Do something other than obsessing over it. That is the only answer.

Try participating here by talking about something else. You know, to take your mind off it.

[Tempus]

On my suicide forum there's guys like me who are 40+

Maybe because they continue to do the same things over and over expecting different results. But that's not for me to say since I don't know them.

And I read somewhere that people can't really change who they are

I disagree. You're likely familiar with the saying "you are what you eat." I would suggest you are what you act too. I didn't start off liking 19th century English literature, but after reading it I began to enjoy it. The act of reading it shaped my subsequent tastes and, by extension, my personality. What I'm getting at here is that any behaviour, experience, or person you're continually exposed to will begin to rub off on you. Another example from my own life is when I began working at an open-cut mine. Initially I was a quiet, reserved guy. Six months later, the continual need to interact with people unlike myself had an effect on me and my personality. Not to mention "fuck" and "cunt" becoming the bread and butter of my vocabulary without me even noticing.

[ohh EPiC FAiL]

for therapy and meds to work, you have to WANT to change. it sounds like you've just given up and decided to live with it rather than truly wanting to change, and doing the required hard work to change for the better.