I recently cut my hair. Rather short and my scalp shows rather well through my thinning hair. Because of this risk of getting a sunburn on my scalp, I decided to start wearing a hat.
But I didn't want another fucking baseball cap. So I went to the mall hoping to find something suitable. I was having a hard time. All I could find were baseball caps and a selection of straw cowboy hats, which were not my style. There were also some outdoors hats that had strings to tie under your chin. I have a horrible family, so i can't wear a hat with strings that hold it on your head. But there were also a number of fedoras that look like this:
![[Image: 640px-Trilbyhat.JPG]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=upload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fen%2Fthumb%2Fb%2Fbb%2FTrilbyhat.JPG%2F640px-Trilbyhat.JPG)
I don't like that style because it looks like an old man's hat. I'm pretty sure the star of one of the Airport movies wore one of those hats and he was an old man. it's the kind of hat that only an old man would wear because he doesn't want a baseball cap, which I just realized more succinctly describes my predicament.
I had found a workable hat in the first store, but it had three problems.
One, it was white. I would rather have brown or grey. But I could make it work.
Two, it was straw. Fortunately, it was a fairly tight weave. It looked like the sort of hat someone might wear in Casablanca. A cabana hat or some such rot. It didn't really look like straw until you got up close and even then, it was still doable. However...
Three, the damn thing cost $70. I'm a picky bastard, but I'm not... I cannot justify spending seventy dollars on a hat. It just doesn't work. I search online earlier and saw hats I liked for around $50 and hemmed and hawed about it. Seventy is right out. I'll get a do rag first.
So I walked the entire fucking mall. I went into an American Eagle Outfitters for the very first time.
It was horrible.
Before I would just walk by these shops with not enough lighting and music that was too damned loud. So I went it and I was reminded of a funhouse at a ratty county fair. Too dark, but with small pockets of harsh lighting on jeans that already holes in the knees, I think. Damn, kids. We used to put out own holes in our pants. I followed a largely linear path looping through the store experience sensor deprivation,from the poor lighting and sensory overload from the loud music about some cunt whining about some girl who thinks he's a whiny cunt. But modern music, or the lack thereof is another topic. Thank goodness they didn't have any hats in there. The scary part is there were two other stores that were exactly like this one. Why? Jesus crispies, but malls are stupid.
Trekking through the mall was a chore that was helped somewhat by more than half of the stores being shops that featured exclusively women's clothing. Frankly, I think this is unfair. Women should buy less clothes in my opinion. But I digress.
Most stores either had no hats, baseball caps or the previously described selection of hats I did not want. I almost got a black fedora from Spencer's Gifts-- a kind of mall head shop to those unfamiliar. It has tatty crap, shot glasses with pro-marijuana slogans, and various sex novelties, like a cake pan shaped like a dick and balls. Presumably you would have make your own pubic hair out of frosting.
Anyway, the black number had a slightly wider brim, which is what I wanted. Not really good enough, but better than nothing, I suppose. But I decided against because why but a hat you really don't like?
I found a much better selection of hats and hats I liked in the costume store. The main problem is that they were costume hats and made of cheap plastic that was likely to shatter if I wore it more than one night.
So in the very last store, the very last store before I headed back to my car, I finally found the hat I wanted, which is in this style:
![[Image: 541px-Hatt.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=upload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2Fthumb%2F6%2F64%2FHatt.jpg%2F541px-Hatt.jpg)
The tag refers to this as a tribly hat. So I got it and I wear it now.
The punchline to all this is that I got that fedora picture from the Wikipedia page for Tibly hat and the tribly picture from the fedora page. Somehow, in American shops, the name for the fedora and tribly have been switched. I don't understand it, but it may have something to do with those blighters in the UK who've been calling a fedora a tribly for generations. This is what happens when there is no standardization.
It's also what happens when people don't buy hats all that much anymore aside from baseball caps. People don't buy them, so they stop selling them. But then, people can't buy them because they don't sell them. There's a cycle in there.
But I didn't want another fucking baseball cap. So I went to the mall hoping to find something suitable. I was having a hard time. All I could find were baseball caps and a selection of straw cowboy hats, which were not my style. There were also some outdoors hats that had strings to tie under your chin. I have a horrible family, so i can't wear a hat with strings that hold it on your head. But there were also a number of fedoras that look like this:
I don't like that style because it looks like an old man's hat. I'm pretty sure the star of one of the Airport movies wore one of those hats and he was an old man. it's the kind of hat that only an old man would wear because he doesn't want a baseball cap, which I just realized more succinctly describes my predicament.
I had found a workable hat in the first store, but it had three problems.
One, it was white. I would rather have brown or grey. But I could make it work.
Two, it was straw. Fortunately, it was a fairly tight weave. It looked like the sort of hat someone might wear in Casablanca. A cabana hat or some such rot. It didn't really look like straw until you got up close and even then, it was still doable. However...
Three, the damn thing cost $70. I'm a picky bastard, but I'm not... I cannot justify spending seventy dollars on a hat. It just doesn't work. I search online earlier and saw hats I liked for around $50 and hemmed and hawed about it. Seventy is right out. I'll get a do rag first.
So I walked the entire fucking mall. I went into an American Eagle Outfitters for the very first time.
It was horrible.
Before I would just walk by these shops with not enough lighting and music that was too damned loud. So I went it and I was reminded of a funhouse at a ratty county fair. Too dark, but with small pockets of harsh lighting on jeans that already holes in the knees, I think. Damn, kids. We used to put out own holes in our pants. I followed a largely linear path looping through the store experience sensor deprivation,from the poor lighting and sensory overload from the loud music about some cunt whining about some girl who thinks he's a whiny cunt. But modern music, or the lack thereof is another topic. Thank goodness they didn't have any hats in there. The scary part is there were two other stores that were exactly like this one. Why? Jesus crispies, but malls are stupid.
Trekking through the mall was a chore that was helped somewhat by more than half of the stores being shops that featured exclusively women's clothing. Frankly, I think this is unfair. Women should buy less clothes in my opinion. But I digress.
Most stores either had no hats, baseball caps or the previously described selection of hats I did not want. I almost got a black fedora from Spencer's Gifts-- a kind of mall head shop to those unfamiliar. It has tatty crap, shot glasses with pro-marijuana slogans, and various sex novelties, like a cake pan shaped like a dick and balls. Presumably you would have make your own pubic hair out of frosting.
Anyway, the black number had a slightly wider brim, which is what I wanted. Not really good enough, but better than nothing, I suppose. But I decided against because why but a hat you really don't like?
I found a much better selection of hats and hats I liked in the costume store. The main problem is that they were costume hats and made of cheap plastic that was likely to shatter if I wore it more than one night.
So in the very last store, the very last store before I headed back to my car, I finally found the hat I wanted, which is in this style:
The tag refers to this as a tribly hat. So I got it and I wear it now.
The punchline to all this is that I got that fedora picture from the Wikipedia page for Tibly hat and the tribly picture from the fedora page. Somehow, in American shops, the name for the fedora and tribly have been switched. I don't understand it, but it may have something to do with those blighters in the UK who've been calling a fedora a tribly for generations. This is what happens when there is no standardization.
It's also what happens when people don't buy hats all that much anymore aside from baseball caps. People don't buy them, so they stop selling them. But then, people can't buy them because they don't sell them. There's a cycle in there.
![[Image: cp981.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=www.geronimo.it%2Fimages%2Fbig%2Fcp981.jpg)
![[Image: fimistcaphat.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=site.buycoolshirts.com%2Fyswimages%2Ffimistcaphat.jpg)
