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RE: Most Retarded Thing You've Heard From Priest/Preacher
June 7, 2013 at 12:23 am
"In the beginning....."
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Most Retarded Thing You've Heard From Priest/Preacher
June 7, 2013 at 1:25 am
-They said I was put on earth as a stone in the road to test the faithful to see if I could make them stumble. There was nothing I could do because my destiny was hell.
-They said my greatest sin was hanging out with a certain friend because she had her hands dirty by her past (her mom pimped her out to old men when she was six)
-They said oral sex was an abomination.
- A woman's period is a reminder that we are the reason for the world's corruption.
- The pastor offered to give ten percent of his income (tithes given to him from church members) to help with the construction fund... and the crowd cheered and cried for his generosity.
And my fav:
"oooooh shalbalukashai.... ooooh rababasajaiiiiiii The lord says unto you that he has chosen you to go to the nations and share the unction! You have been chosen and he has shed his unction over your head. You will perform miracles in his name rabababababasaaaaiiiiiiiiiiii shalalalalala" (walks to the next person and repeats same mumbo jumbo in ear)
Pointing around: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out!"
Half Baked
"Let the atheists come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heathens belongs to people like these." -Saint Bacon
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RE: Most Retarded Thing You've Heard From Priest/Preacher
June 7, 2013 at 1:33 am
By way of introduction you should know that Jewish houses are supposed to have nailed to their door a prayer in an a container called a "Mezuzah"
A rabbi was attempting to explain why God - who chose the Jews - would allow 6 million of them to die in concentration camps to us kids.
No word of a lie his explanation was that they had their Mezusah's at the wrong angle.
One of God's most endearing features has always been his uncanny ability to match the punishment to the crime....
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RE: Most Retarded Thing You've Heard From Priest/Preacher
June 7, 2013 at 1:36 am
Quote:No word of a lie his explanation was that they had their Mezusah's at the wrong angle.
No way. No faken way. And people love to hear these things because it sounds so deep and powerful to them.
Pointing around: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out!"
Half Baked
"Let the atheists come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heathens belongs to people like these." -Saint Bacon
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RE: Most Retarded Thing You've Heard From Priest/Preacher
June 7, 2013 at 10:23 am
"I think Santorum would be a good president" - Local Catholic priest, 2012.
Christian apologetics is the art of rolling a dog turd in sugar and selling it as a donut.
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RE: Most Retarded Thing You've Heard From Priest/Preacher
June 7, 2013 at 10:58 am
(June 7, 2013 at 12:21 am)Dena Wrote: Babies cry for no reason at all and therefore, it's proof of their sinfulness. They are liars.
Is that for real? I saw a similar statement on fstdt.com that went into more detail than that, but I thought for sure that had to be from a poe.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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RE: Most Retarded Thing You've Heard From Priest/Preacher
June 7, 2013 at 11:03 am
(This post was last modified: June 7, 2013 at 11:03 am by Psykhronic.)
Just the usual religious spiel, I've only been in church to see other people get married and baptized - never for a service. So some bullshit about God, marriage, and magic water.
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RE: Most Retarded Thing You've Heard From Priest/Preacher
June 7, 2013 at 7:11 pm
"So, the blue magnet pushes other blue magnets away, and pulls the red ones toward it?"
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RE: Most Retarded Thing You've Heard From Priest/Preacher
June 13, 2013 at 5:23 pm
This is more of a story, but I thought of it today and thought it fit here.
At church camp, yea I did that for like 10 years, a girl got an abscessed tooth. It was awful. She is so much pain. One of the consulars was really stuck up know it all woman. She was so mean at 3rd grade she made me question what a christian was. Anyway she decided that we needed to "lay our hands on her". Everyone had to all gather around and put a hand on her and pray. It went like "O Lord please help sister ____. She is in need of your strength O God. She needs to me healed of these demons." Yea... I brought the girl some pain killers.
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RE: Most Retarded Thing You've Heard From Priest/Preacher
June 13, 2013 at 5:46 pm
Makes me wonder how any of them can actually believe that faith healing works. I guess when you're still in pain they just accuse you of not having enough faith.
Christian apologetics is the art of rolling a dog turd in sugar and selling it as a donut.
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