How are you today?

[Tea Earl Grey Hot]

I've been trying to increase my vocabulary this month. I found this weird vocabulary iPhone game that is suppose to do that. It's actually meant for high schoolers preparing for the SAT but it seems to be also good for general study. I'm also reviewing English grammar from an old college textbook I had from one of my freshman classes a few years ago. Another subject I'm reviewing at the moment is modern music theory. I learned college level modern Music Theory when I was ages 15 to 18 but ever since then I've been focusing almost exclusively on modal counterpoint and thoroughbass which are two older disciplines of composition/improvisation. They're not at all entirely different from modern music theory (many of the principles of modern music theory are directly derived from counterpoint and thoroughbass) but they have some major conceptual differences. The main difference is that the concepts of chordal roots, chordal inversions, and functional harmony are absent from counterpoint and thoroughbass. Such concepts and concerns didn't exist yet when those disciplines were in development and use. It's not that you can't identify roots, inversions and functional procedures in ancient music (you'll find of plenty instances of those things), it's just that composers and musicians didn't think of their music in those terms yet.

This week, I got a college level logic text book by Harry J. Gensler. After some thought last year, I figured it was odd to only know how to identify logical fallacies but not know how to form a good logical argument. Last year I bought a short little book by Graham Priest that introduces the basics of logic and I completed that book quickly. This new textbook by Gensler however looks like a monster. I don't know how long it's going to take me to complete it at 432 pages.

[Angrboda]

Drunk and drinking. And up way past my bedtime.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xK8beW6dGVM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6jhpaX7fNQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLlKlcTa5i8

[Cyberman]

Pissed off and not as drunk as I'm going to be. Basically I've run out of usefulness to people and now I'm back in my lonely little box until such time as someone might just possibly want something from me again. I'm a good little toy like that, I can tidy myself away after you finish playing with me.

[NoraBrimstone]

Been thinking of my Mum a lot today. I hate days like this because I dunno whether or not I'll burst into tears in public. I have work today, dammit. Go away!

[Jackalope]

Mixed. My father is nearing the end of his life, and this past week my mother (his ex-wife) was getting his affairs in order at his home.

She found a number of letters that I had written to him in the army, over 25 years ago. All of the letters that I wrote him, in fact. Letters I had forgotten I had written. Letters that he hadn't bothered to answer.

My relationship with my father has always been strained and distant, and that fact is only reinforced with this reminder.

Mom said Dad obviously cherished my letters, and she thought I should have them. I told her that I didn't want them, and that I wanted Dad to keep them.

Well, she dropped them off at the house while I was gone. Fuck.

[popeyespappy]

That's sad CD. My relationship with my folks is better than it ever was. In fact I'm sitting on their couch now. We are having dinner in a little while. It's the first time I've been back to Huntsville since March. When I came in yesterday dad couldn't wait to show me this.



It is the Marine Officer's sword I gave him for father's day a couple of years ago. He waited 8 months for someone to make the display case for him, and he just got it back a couple of weeks ago. I'm to mount it above the mantle while I'm here.

[pocaracas]

And because life's not just about the bad stuff, nor the heartwarming ones...

Yesterday, My dad and my younger kid had their birthdays.... one is 60 years older than the other.
The dad got an electronic cigarette (in the hopes that he gives up smoking and takes up vaping) and the kid got playmobil (in the hopes he actually plays with it, unlike what happens with LEGO which only generates loose pieces around the house and a constant rebuilding of cars, ships, planes, etc..)

[Jackalope]

That's very cool, pappy. Was your father a Marine?

The thing is, I made my peace with my father in July. Told him th. gs that needed to be said (positive, not negative). I didn't want him to die before I had a chance to tell him that despite the distance between us, that I always have loved him. He's emotionally distant, always has been, and I can't recall him ever telling me that he loved me or was proud of me. Nor has he called or written, even on my birthday, for as long as I can remember.

I have been willing to repair our relationship, if only he were willing to meet me part way. He just seemed unable or unwilling to do so.

Yeah, it's sad.

[popeyespappy]

Yeah dad is a retired Marine. A mustang officer so he never had a sword. I surprised him with that one, and he is really proud of it.

When I got divorced about 5 years ago I bought the house a couple of doors down from them. We spent a lot of time together up until last year when I went to Corpus for work. I sold my house shortly after I left, but now the place next door to them is for sale. Now that I'll be back in a couple of months I may see what Allen would let me have it for. I'm not interested for the asking price... It would be nice to be close again. They probably don't have a lot of time left. I'm pretty sure dad is in the early stages of dementia. I'd like to be around while he still knows who I am.

[Faith No More]

Ah, shit, CD. I'm sorry about that. I can sympathize with you as my father was the exact same way for the first sixteen years of my life. It really fucked me up, because he was quite the opposite with my sister. Fortunately, we were able to fix things, but I held a grudge about it for quite a while. It wasn't until that I was able to understand that he was that way because of the way his father was with him. My grandparents were strict to the point of abusiveness, and I realized that affected the way he treated me.

Perhaps there is something in your dad's life that's greatly influenced him to become the parent he is. Not that it would absolve him completely, but it would at least help with the feelings that his behavior is somehow your fault, which I'm sure you experience.