I have been studying all the crazy passages of the Holy Bible, and I would have to say Deuteronomy is my favorite. 28:15-68 has some of the funniest s***. Listen to these passages warning us of the atrocities to be inflicted on those who reject his high lordship:
But if you will not obey the voice of the lord your God or be careful to do all his commandments and his statutes that I command you today, then all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you. Cursed shall you be in the city, and cursed shall you be in the field.
I lived in the city of Bellingham for quite some time and I also recently visited the city of Seattle, and they were both pretty cool. Both places have some great bookstores, and people were very nice. As for those last eight words, well....I did get fired from my first job mowing lawns.
The Lord will strike you with the boils of Egypt, and with tumors and scabs and itch, of which you cannot be healed. The lord will strike you with madness and blindness and confusion of mind, and you shall grope at noonday, as the blind grope in darkness, and you shall not prosper in your ways.
Oh really now? I don't worship the Christian God and I haven't had a boil on my skin in a long time. In fact, thanks to my high seafood diet, I have very healthy skin. How can you strike someone with madness and blindness? Those are abstract nouns; you can only strike someone with tangible products. If I shall not prosper in my ways, then why am I about to start graduate school this month?
Your ox shall be slaughtered before your eyes but you shall not eat any of it.
Uh, haven't you noticed, ancient writer guys? I'm vegetarian.
If you are not careful to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that you may fear this glorious and awesome name, the Lord your God, then the lord will bring on you and your offspring extraordinary afflictions, afflictions severe and lasting, and sickness grievous lasting, and he will bring upon you again all the diseases of Egypt, of which you were afraid, and they shall cling to you. Every sickness also and every affliction that is not recorded in the book of this law, the Lord shall bring upon you, until you are destroyed.
Give me a break. I haven't had the flu in in almost three years. The last time I was sick before that was ten years ago when I got food poisoning from McDonald's. I also don't have kids; I wore condoms.
And as the lord took delight in doing you good and multiplying you, so the Lord will take delight in bringing ruin upon you and destroying you.
Golly gee will inkers! I thought the Christian God was a god of love.
And that is all your typical Christian dogma: Do what the lord says or he'll hurt you.
Also, don't be working on the seventh day of the week; you'll get stoned to death. But luckily most everyone else will be joining you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkXOwBIRX...7&index=31
But if you will not obey the voice of the lord your God or be careful to do all his commandments and his statutes that I command you today, then all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you. Cursed shall you be in the city, and cursed shall you be in the field.
I lived in the city of Bellingham for quite some time and I also recently visited the city of Seattle, and they were both pretty cool. Both places have some great bookstores, and people were very nice. As for those last eight words, well....I did get fired from my first job mowing lawns.
The Lord will strike you with the boils of Egypt, and with tumors and scabs and itch, of which you cannot be healed. The lord will strike you with madness and blindness and confusion of mind, and you shall grope at noonday, as the blind grope in darkness, and you shall not prosper in your ways.
Oh really now? I don't worship the Christian God and I haven't had a boil on my skin in a long time. In fact, thanks to my high seafood diet, I have very healthy skin. How can you strike someone with madness and blindness? Those are abstract nouns; you can only strike someone with tangible products. If I shall not prosper in my ways, then why am I about to start graduate school this month?
Your ox shall be slaughtered before your eyes but you shall not eat any of it.
Uh, haven't you noticed, ancient writer guys? I'm vegetarian.
If you are not careful to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that you may fear this glorious and awesome name, the Lord your God, then the lord will bring on you and your offspring extraordinary afflictions, afflictions severe and lasting, and sickness grievous lasting, and he will bring upon you again all the diseases of Egypt, of which you were afraid, and they shall cling to you. Every sickness also and every affliction that is not recorded in the book of this law, the Lord shall bring upon you, until you are destroyed.
Give me a break. I haven't had the flu in in almost three years. The last time I was sick before that was ten years ago when I got food poisoning from McDonald's. I also don't have kids; I wore condoms.
And as the lord took delight in doing you good and multiplying you, so the Lord will take delight in bringing ruin upon you and destroying you.
Golly gee will inkers! I thought the Christian God was a god of love.
And that is all your typical Christian dogma: Do what the lord says or he'll hurt you.
Also, don't be working on the seventh day of the week; you'll get stoned to death. But luckily most everyone else will be joining you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkXOwBIRX...7&index=31
