Conversations

[Walking Void]

I have a question. It involves a specific practice in conversation. Eye contact. When You are speaking to someone, You might be staring them in the face during the entire conversation. This can be considered a norm and a peripheral of etiquette. My question to You is this:

Is eye contact necessary for holding a conversation? Is it despicable to refrain from eye contact?

The reason I ask this is because I recently went to the doctors and was confirmed for social anxiety disorder. When I am around people I am not used to, like "strangers", I am still friendly but I get nervous from reading their body language and extrapolating what I analyze (an eyebrow squint = you liar). I am completely honest but I am so desensitized to people wanting trust to be earned rather than granted that I feel like people sometimes do not trust me. When I get nervous in front of strangers, my conversational skills fall while I feel like shit about myself. Then I "think" I am making the conversation uncomfortable, which is true. But I can relate all of this back to the basis of my visual information reading. If I hold a conversation with my eyes closed, I can remain calm while avoiding the crippling of the remaining conversation. Now, time and again I can hold eye contact for moments of confirmation and laughter and such, but for extended durations it does claw on me.

I mean, chats are primarily vocal events, yes? So if I cut out sight on occasion it should not make a difference, would it?

[Kayenneh]

I mean, chats are primarily vocal events, yes? So if I cut out sight on occasion it should not make a difference, would it?

Communication is so much more, body language might be vital for understanding. That being said, I can relate to not wanting to look strangers in the eye, which is a real handicap working in customer service. I'm working on it, I try to look into the customers' eyes when I greet them and when I hand them their receipt and change. Though at times, I find myself staring at people's necklaces, tattoos and unfortunately, by accident, boobs..

[LastPoet]

(...) by accident, boobs..

I find myself having many such accidents....

[Walking Void]

Sometimes I look people in the face, and metaphorically see this:

[Faith No More]

It depends on the context of the conversation. If you're talking to your boss, eye contact is necessary to indicate you are paying attention. With a stranger, it's not really that important. If I am uncomfortable maintaining eye contact, I usually make sure I establish eye contact early and then look away. If the conversation lingers, I will make brief eye contact occasionally to show that I am still invested.

[Captain Colostomy]

I actually get peeved when a dude maintains eye contact with me. I don't know if this is an instance of social anxiety, or just an aggresive animal response. So yeah, to avoid confrontations, i tend to avoid eye contact too.

Boobs aren't an issue, unless it's a guy's rack.

[Nine]

I'm not a fan of looking people in the eye. Just weird's me out. I either look near their eyes so they can't tell the difference or just look around. Most people just realise I'm a bit odd and just go with it.

[max-greece]

My younger brother is autistic. He could never meet your stare and would often converse whilst looking anywhere and everywhere but at you.

Whilst it is still a huge problem he has improved immensely by learning to focus on people's noses. As long as he is more than 2 feet away it is impossible to tell he is doing this (as an Autistic person he is always more than 2 feet away).

He used to practise in the mirror and whilst talking to the family.

Might help.

[Doubting Thomas]

I interpret someone looking me in the eyes as challenging my authority with the females and I get aggressive and attack.

[FlyingNarwhal]

I wouldn't say its necessary, but it definitely helps. I used to be really insecure about myself around other people and avoided eye contact if I could. In most situations I would have been fine, but eye contact helps when your trying to sell people stuff so I had to learn. Turn it into a big game of chicken. Keep eye contact until the other person shifts their gaze.

Also, I couldn't help but notice how much eye contact worked when it came to talking to women.