Hilarious Conspiracy Theories Abound

[Mystical]

I thought there should be a tip of the hat to the mental jumpropes people take to come up with some of the conspiracy theories that are out there. There's plenty of them, apparently.

If you see one, post it. Oh and post the link, since that website is probably full of lots of gems.

Here's the """"news"'"" article I came across today.

Mandela Funeral a Cover For Super-Sized Globalist Gathering?



Nelson Mandela died on December 5th, according to the official statements. He reportedly passed away at his home surrounded by his family.

Other reports indicate that Mandela really died in June of this year and has been being kept alive by live support machinery in order to permit his family to resolve some legal issues.

The Guardian Express claims to have been notified of his death by an embedded reporter back in June. That revelation was immediately followed up by a denial of service attack on the Guardian Express which they say lasted for three days. The origin of the DNS attack was traced back to South Africa.

The reports depict the motive behind the charade as being financial. There was reportedly a very large lawsuit in process against the Mandela estate, in which the family was suing him for control. In order for the lawsuit to continue Mandela had to remain alive.

The Obamas, Bushes and Hillary Clinton flew together on Air Force One, along with Eric Holder, Susan Rice, and Valerie Jarrett.

Former Presidents Carter and Clinton were travelling separately.

It is interesting that the extensive planning needs which forced a partial cancellation of Hussein Obama’s trip to Asia during the supposed government “shutdown showdown” were somehow unnecessary for this “impromptu” trip.

Could it be that the actual date of the passing of Mandela was indeed in June, and that this trip to an orchestrated event was actually planned well in advance? Could a façade of respect for Mandela which was not provided for Margaret Thatcher to any degree, have been the cover for another event?

The massing of so many world leaders in one location is remarkable and begs the question. What were they doing when the cameras were off?

[Bob Kelso]

I think Insider should get an honorable mention for his Saturn conspiracy he's "a part of".

*Aral Gamelon mimes masturbating a giant dick whilst screaming "I'M IMPORTANT DAMNIT!!*

[Mystical]

*Aral Gamelon mimes masturbating a giant dick whilst screaming "I'M IMPORTANT DAMNIT!!*

You uhhhh.. you don't need to pretend that you're miming, Gamelon. We all know. I'm sure the theists in the house don't want
to know when you're whacking it, either. Save that stuff for Area 69, hmm?

[Bob Kelso]

Buzzkill. ;D

[Jacob(smooth)]

Penn and teller did a fantastic episode on conspiracy theorys as part of their "bullshit" series.

I never understand how people believe that the governments who get caught with stuff like watergate / mp expenses / lewinski / etc etc are nonetheless capable of developing far reaching and complex plots without getting rumbled.

[Doubting Thomas]

If you want a pretty good rundown of conspiracy theory websites, check out crank.net:

http://www.crank.net/conspiracy.html

[Mystical]

I want to see what you guys come up with. Like competing for the stupidest stuff humanity has to offer.

[Minimalist]

Hard to beat the birthers and the truthers.

[Doubting Thomas]

OK, I've got one:

Cell phone usage has boomed in this country since the 1980's. Back then, it was basically only the rich who could afford to carry around a cell phone or have on in their car. But since then, with the advent of cheap electronics, now EVERYONE has a cell phone. Even Mattel got into the action with producing a Barbie cell phone. Forget that 7-year-old girls don't really need to call anyone, the cell phone companies are getting everyone in the country signed up in the quest for good old American capitalism. Heck, even homeless people have cell phones now.

Since more and more people are using phones, more and more towers have needed to be built. There is a limited bandwidth and only a certain number of frequencies used by cell phones, so if you only have one or two towers in town they would quickly get overloaded and people wouldn't be able to make calls. So cellular companies have built more towers. However, there are a lot of NIMBY's who don't like the looks of cell phone towers in their neighborhood or even in their town, so in order to get approval of their building permits by local city councils cell phone companies have taken to disguising their towers to look like trees:



Cue the conspiracy theorists.

Conspiracy theorists, who are suspicious of everything, view the attempt to hide cell phone towers in plain sight as part of some vast, evil conspiracy. Rather than a cell phone company erecting a new tower to meet demand, they see these fake trees as being built by the government in order to beam mind-control signals to the populace in order to control them. Forget that cell phone usage has boomed in the past 20 years. Forget that their neighbors don't want to look at an ugly cell phone tower in the neighborhood. Forget that the trees are obviously fake and that it's easy to see the antenna equipment. Forget that the government could just erect an antenna which looks like a normal cell phone tower. Forget that there's no evidence that radio waves affect the mind in any way. Forget that if the government really did have mind control, they'd control people's minds to think that it doesn't exist. Nope, it's gotta be a secret government plot because any attempt at deception is obviously part of a nefarious scheme. Just keep those tinfoil hats on.

http://www.disclose.tv/forum/worldwide-e...t9141.html

Everywhere in this country ,
ELF/microwave transmission towers are being erected.

I love how this person thinks that ELF and microwave signals are the same thing, when they're at opposite ends of the radio spectrum.

[Mystical]

that reminds me of all the uses conspiracy theorists have devised for this thing.


HAARP (High frequency Active Auroral Research Program) is to be a major Arctic facility for upper atmospheric and solar-terrestrial research. HAARP is being built on a DoD-owned site near Gakona, Alaska. Principal instruments include a high power, high-frequency (HF) phased array radio transmitter (known as the Ionospheric Research Instrument, or IRI), used to stimulate small, well-defined volumes of ionosphere, and an ultra-high frequency (UHF) incoherent scatter radar (ISR), used to measure electron densities, electron and ion temperatures, and Doppler velocities in the stimulated region and in the natural ionosphere. To further the scientific capabilities and usefulness of the IRI and ISR, HAARP is supporting the design and installation of the latest in modern geophysical research instruments, including an HF ionosonde, ELF and VLF receivers, magnetometers, riometers, a LIDAR (LIght Detection And Ranging) and optical and infrared spectrometers and cameras which will be used to observe the complex natural variations of Alaska's ionosphere as well as to detect artificial effects produced by the IRI. http://www.haarp.alaska.edu/haarphaarpFactSheet.html



http://www.theforbiddenknowledge.com/har..._index.htm

I have been assured, by everyone from Ph.D.s to poets, that HAARP is: 1. An ionospheric heater 2. A research tool 3. A military test bed 4. A tax-subsidized boondoggle 5. A directed-energy weapon 6. A communication system for submarines 7. A source of field-aligned ionospheric VHF reflectors 8. A way to improve satellite links 9. A planetary x-ray machine 10. A plot to depopulate the Third World 11. A means of creating power blackouts at will 12. Electronic warfare 13. Tesla's wireless power transmission 14. Tesla's secret death ray 15. Searching for space aliens 16. Killing space aliens 17. Killing off the militias 18. Keeping them awake at night (through RF head rectification) 19. Enforcing the New World Order 20. Creating nuclear-scale explosions 21. Weather modification 22. CIA mind control 23. Brain wave modification 24. The end of HF radio 25. The end of wildlife in Alaska 26. The end of atmospheric ozone 27. The end of the human race 28. The end of Earth itself. Now, this is pretty good for one transmitter. I think the last experimental radio that attracted this kind of attention was built by Marconi. What's Up With HAARP?

CAUSING A MASS