PRIVATE MESSAGE: Super Secret Atheist Newsletter #354
January 17, 2014 at 12:55 am
(This post was last modified: January 17, 2014 at 1:01 am by Tea Earl Grey Hot.)
The following material is not to be shared under any circumstances with people who are not atheist
Greetings fellow "atheists." It's been a wonderful 2013 for atheism. In this issue we're going to talk about maintaining a strong resolve to not give into the holy temptations of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. "But TEGH..." you might ask, "how is a lowly atheist like myself supposed to remain on the crooked and wide path of naturalism when I feel God's calling on my life everyday?" I hear you brother. Though God's existence is obvious to everyone, you can still distract yourself from God well enough that you'll feel like you're on Dawkins Level 7. Here are some tips to apply to your life to distract yourself from God:
-Spend time arguing with theists on the internet. You'll feel so good from showing how smart you are that you won't feel the need to be held by Jesus.
-Read books on evolution and atheism. Just let your mind explore the world as it would be if God didn't exist.
-Watch sci fi tv and movies. Not only do the moralistic and philosophical stories substitute for the bible, the incredible cgi planets can make you forget how beautifully breathtaking God made earth, the only planet in our universe capable of supporting life.
-If you're a woman, get an abortion. The regret you feel for ending an innocent life will block out any callings of God for good deal of time.
-If you're not doing it already: sex, drugs, and alcohol.
-Go to Satan when you feel particularly that the Holy Spirit is really calling you to Jesus.
It can be tough to be an atheist amidst God's glorious creation. Just hang in there and keep your eyes on hell. Hell is where we will be finally separated from God for all eternity. You just need to remain strong in your astray lead.
Anyway, come join us for our atheist fellowship midnight on Jan 24. We're going to discuss "Methods to make your kids subconsciously choose to be homosexuals" followed up with the burning of live kidnapped cats and an orgy. Family fun!
TEGH, fellow God denier.
Wtf? This was supposed to be a private message! Ignore this!!!
Greetings fellow "atheists." It's been a wonderful 2013 for atheism. In this issue we're going to talk about maintaining a strong resolve to not give into the holy temptations of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. "But TEGH..." you might ask, "how is a lowly atheist like myself supposed to remain on the crooked and wide path of naturalism when I feel God's calling on my life everyday?" I hear you brother. Though God's existence is obvious to everyone, you can still distract yourself from God well enough that you'll feel like you're on Dawkins Level 7. Here are some tips to apply to your life to distract yourself from God:
-Spend time arguing with theists on the internet. You'll feel so good from showing how smart you are that you won't feel the need to be held by Jesus.
-Read books on evolution and atheism. Just let your mind explore the world as it would be if God didn't exist.
-Watch sci fi tv and movies. Not only do the moralistic and philosophical stories substitute for the bible, the incredible cgi planets can make you forget how beautifully breathtaking God made earth, the only planet in our universe capable of supporting life.
-If you're a woman, get an abortion. The regret you feel for ending an innocent life will block out any callings of God for good deal of time.
-If you're not doing it already: sex, drugs, and alcohol.
-Go to Satan when you feel particularly that the Holy Spirit is really calling you to Jesus.
It can be tough to be an atheist amidst God's glorious creation. Just hang in there and keep your eyes on hell. Hell is where we will be finally separated from God for all eternity. You just need to remain strong in your astray lead.
Anyway, come join us for our atheist fellowship midnight on Jan 24. We're going to discuss "Methods to make your kids subconsciously choose to be homosexuals" followed up with the burning of live kidnapped cats and an orgy. Family fun!
TEGH, fellow God denier.
Wtf? This was supposed to be a private message! Ignore this!!!
My ignore list
"The lord doesn't work in mysterious ways, but in ways that are indistinguishable from his nonexistence."
-- George Yorgo Veenhuyzen quoted by John W. Loftus in The End of Christianity (p. 103).
"The lord doesn't work in mysterious ways, but in ways that are indistinguishable from his nonexistence."
-- George Yorgo Veenhuyzen quoted by John W. Loftus in The End of Christianity (p. 103).
