New to the forums; question about parents

[jpphilologist]

Hi everyone,

While I've been an atheist for the past 3 years, I'm brand new to the forums. I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts on what I'm about to explain...I recently told my parents for the first time that I'm an atheist. My parents are both Christian, my mom more so than my dad. The issue of my atheism came up because my mom, who is a Facebook friend of mine, was upset by my 'likes' of atheist pages, as well as some sharing of atheist photos, appearing in her newsfeed. Upon talking to her about my atheism, I have learned that she is a very closeminded individual who lacks some basic critical thinking skills. Now, she has adjusted her Facebook settings so that she can no longer see my atheist likes and photos in her newsfeed.

My question is, is this behaviour any better than something like homophobia? Does this constitute discrimination? After asking her point blank whether she accepts that I'm an atheist, she said that she does. To draw out the analogy with homophobia, this situation seems very similar to one where I come out to her as gay, and she claims to 'accept' that, but then she adjusts her Facebook settings so that she doesn't have to see me 'liking' and sharing gay rights photos and pages. The only salient difference I can see is that being atheist is a choice while being gay is not, but then again most homophobes think that being gay is a choice anyway. I've been thinking about asking her straight up how her behaviour differs from something like homophobia, but I wanted to get others' opinions first. This behaviour doesn't bother me that much (at least right now), but I don't want to let her carry on with this behaviour if it is truly discriminatory. Any thoughts are appreciated.

Thanks!

[*Deidre*]

First, welcome to the forums.

Your situation is very common, when someone shares with his/her family, friends etc...that he/she no longer believes what they believe. Part of the problem is, that while your mom might have good intentions for wishing you would remain Christian, she also has an ego. She may be feeling personally insulted, as if you are trying to insinuate that what she believes is nonsense. (It is, but it's important to not push your beliefs on her, also.)

Your relationship will ebb and flow as she now knows your beliefs are not like hers. But, be kind, yet firm in your stance. I wouldn't accuse her of being discriminatory. It will do no good. She is still your mother...so respect her, but you don't have to agree with her.

That would be my advice. Live your life as best you can, be a good person...and you may just change her preconceived notions about Atheism.

[SteelCurtain]

First off, welcome to the forums!

I have a similar situation. My whole family is staunchly religious, I have never been. I didn't really tell anyone I was an atheist until I was in college, out of the house, 1200 miles from home. When I told my family, their original thought was that "atheist" was such a terrible word, and they still have trouble with it today. The point is, while they will get used to it, they will never get over the fact that you don't believe in the same things they do. Especially because of the things they believe about the afterlife.

Give it time. It's not the same as homophobia. I don't really think atheism is a choice, but your mom not wanting to read atheism memes on her FB feed is not the same as the hate and discrimination that QUILTBAG folks experience. If you believe that this life is all you've got, don't waste any time being angry at your mom for not adjusting immediately, or not wanting to read about how stupid religion is on her newsfeed.

[My imaginary friend is GOD]

Personally, as someone who is both gay and an atheist, I think you're expecting too much from your mother. You're asking her to embrace ideology in direct opposition to hers. I really don't want to see religious shit on my Facebook feed so I block it sometimes, and if it is too hateful, I unfriend people over it. Is that discrimination? Your mother probably just doesn't want to see things that she feels are disrespectful to her religion. Maybe that means she is not fully accepting of atheism, but is she otherwise accepting and supportive of you as a person? If so, then what's the problem? I count people among my friends that do not accept my atheism or my homosexuality, because they accept and love me as a person. Maybe I should have higher standards. I dunno.

[LastPoet]

to our forums, feel free to dip your toes into this shark infested sea. Mind the turds left floating around from our theist friends™.

[jpphilologist]

Thanks for all the welcomes and replies so far...very reasonable opinions. I think I will cut her some slack.

[Faith No More]

One thing to remember is that seeing others believing something contrary to your own beliefs, especially something that is so critical to your identity, can feel threatening, and the brain will make your consciousness jump through a lot hoops to protect those beliefs. When your mother sees you're an atheist, she most likely sees her own beliefs and worldview being threatened, and being open to your beliefs would be embracing that threat. It's instinctual for her to shelter herself from that.

[KichigaiNeko]

Can't add anything more to what has been posted above. It IS your mothers own FB page and she can screen out what she wants. Don't feel threatened by this, since you have described that she at least accepts you as a person (all of you) cut her some slack.

[Cinjin]

Thanks for all the welcomes and replies so far...very reasonable opinions. I think I will cut her some slack.

A good call.
In time she'll either come to accept your choice and you can educate her or she'll make herself believe that one day you're going to "see the light of god."

Either way, you can still love your mom for her silly superstitions.

Also,

Welcome to AF.org

[Angrboda]

Family is a good place for compromise. It need not run 'by the numbers' when you're dealing with those in your care.