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Funeral Question
March 3, 2014 at 5:16 pm
My father died last week and the funeral is in a couple of weeks. We were never close, mainly due to him walking out when I was in my teens, we got together a bit over the last 10 years or so but we only met 3 or 4 times a year. I have been asked by the daughter of his second wife (a woman I have never met, just a voice on the phone) if I want the minister to say anything from me at the funeral. The family seem very religious and I don’t want to add more upset at this time, but I really don’t know what to say. “I think it’s a load of superstitious rubbish” probably won’t go down well!
Any suggestions?
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RE: Funeral Question
March 3, 2014 at 5:19 pm
(March 3, 2014 at 5:16 pm)zebo-the-fat Wrote: My father died last week and the funeral is in a couple of weeks. We were never close, mainly due to him walking out when I was in my teens, we got together a bit over the last 10 years or so but we only met 3 or 4 times a year. I have been asked by the daughter of his second wife (a woman I have never met, just a voice on the phone) if I want the minister to say anything from me at the funeral. The family seem very religious and I don’t want to add more upset at this time, but I really don’t know what to say. “I think it’s a load of superstitious rubbish” probably won’t go down well!
Any suggestions?
Yes. I would say "No, but thank you for asking."
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RE: Funeral Question
March 3, 2014 at 5:22 pm
(March 3, 2014 at 5:19 pm)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote: (March 3, 2014 at 5:16 pm)zebo-the-fat Wrote: My father died last week and the funeral is in a couple of weeks. We were never close, mainly due to him walking out when I was in my teens, we got together a bit over the last 10 years or so but we only met 3 or 4 times a year. I have been asked by the daughter of his second wife (a woman I have never met, just a voice on the phone) if I want the minister to say anything from me at the funeral. The family seem very religious and I don’t want to add more upset at this time, but I really don’t know what to say. “I think it’s a load of superstitious rubbish” probably won’t go down well!
Any suggestions?
Yes. I would say "No, but thank you for asking."
Pretty much this.
My dad and I aren't close either. Sometimes I worry that if he dies, and I don't show any remorse about it, they'll get upset with me.
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RE: Funeral Question
March 3, 2014 at 5:30 pm
(March 3, 2014 at 5:19 pm)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote: (March 3, 2014 at 5:16 pm)zebo-the-fat Wrote: My father died last week and the funeral is in a couple of weeks. We were never close, mainly due to him walking out when I was in my teens, we got together a bit over the last 10 years or so but we only met 3 or 4 times a year. I have been asked by the daughter of his second wife (a woman I have never met, just a voice on the phone) if I want the minister to say anything from me at the funeral. The family seem very religious and I don’t want to add more upset at this time, but I really don’t know what to say. “I think it’s a load of superstitious rubbish” probably won’t go down well!
Any suggestions?
Yes. I would say "No, but thank you for asking."
I agree with CD.
Also, my sympathies for your loss.
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RE: Funeral Question
March 3, 2014 at 5:33 pm
Be gracious.
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RE: Funeral Question
March 3, 2014 at 5:36 pm
Fuck gracious. Tell the truth.
'The more I learn about people the more I like my dog'- Mark Twain
'You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to put you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways.' - Dr House
“Young earth creationism is essentially the position that all of modern science, 90% of living scientists and 98% of living biologists, all major university biology departments, every major science journal, the American Academy of Sciences, and every major science organization in the world, are all wrong regarding the origins and development of life….but one particular tribe of uneducated, bronze aged, goat herders got it exactly right.” - Chuck Easttom
"If my good friend Doctor Gasparri speaks badly of my mother, he can expect to get punched.....You cannot provoke. You cannot insult the faith of others. You cannot make fun of the faith of others. There is a limit." - Pope Francis on freedom of speech
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RE: Funeral Question
March 4, 2014 at 2:58 am
Sorry for your loss, hope things work out well for you in this loss. I agree with It Is i, being gracious shows your maturity in this situation with your father, something Bad Wolf seems not to believe is important.
GC
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.
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RE: Funeral Question
March 4, 2014 at 3:08 am
You could say something like "My father helped make me the person I am today and for that I will always love him and honor his memory."
Or you could say "I curse his memory and hate him for giving me life."
Chances are he left because it was intolerable living with your mother. Men don't usually leave their families unless they are driven away. You may experience that someday yourself. The news is full of such stories so don't think it won't happen to you.
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RE: Funeral Question
March 4, 2014 at 4:41 am
(March 4, 2014 at 2:58 am)Godschild Wrote: Sorry for your loss, hope things work out well for you in this loss. I agree with It Is i, being gracious shows your maturity in this situation with your father, something Bad Wolf seems not to believe is important.
GC
No your right, lying to everyone just to spare a few feelings seems much more respectful....
'The more I learn about people the more I like my dog'- Mark Twain
'You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to put you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways.' - Dr House
“Young earth creationism is essentially the position that all of modern science, 90% of living scientists and 98% of living biologists, all major university biology departments, every major science journal, the American Academy of Sciences, and every major science organization in the world, are all wrong regarding the origins and development of life….but one particular tribe of uneducated, bronze aged, goat herders got it exactly right.” - Chuck Easttom
"If my good friend Doctor Gasparri speaks badly of my mother, he can expect to get punched.....You cannot provoke. You cannot insult the faith of others. You cannot make fun of the faith of others. There is a limit." - Pope Francis on freedom of speech
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RE: Funeral Question
March 4, 2014 at 6:16 am
It's a funeral, there's really no need to be more confrontational than you absolutely have to be. Regardless of your own feelings, it's bound to be a sensitive day for at least one person there, so maybe consider their feelings before fighting that particular battle.
If there's no need to engage, why do something that'll probably come across negatively?
"YOU take the hard look in the mirror. You are everything that is wrong with this world. The only thing important to you, is you." - ronedee
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