Help, Catholic Girlfriend (Right?)

[Jenny A]

Alright so I need some ideas. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now and she was raised going to a Catholic private school up until high school. (Brainwashed.) She has recently become more open to the idea that Christianity is ridiculous, contradictory, etc. etc. My issue, is that of course she feels having sex is 'not doing the right thing.' She literally does everything in the book, but thinks if she has sex shes doing some evil wrongdoing or some bullshit like that. Its ridiculous, because I know she's ready to have sex, she talks about it all the time, but her brainwashing is getting in the way and it's kind of annoying. Any ideas to change her mind or at least get through to her that it makes no sense God would give a damn if she has sex before marriage? Thanks.

God does care if she has sex before marriage. Do you love her or care about her? If so, why are you trying to get her to go against her conscience? I'd advise you to take her as she is or let her go and find a woman who will have sex with you.

God isn't there to care. But the question as a mother of girls I would ask is do you want to be a good memory or a bad memory. The kind of person you will grow up to be is at stake. And there is no god to forgive you.

[SteelCurtain]

Ah.. the perils of being 17...

I know it's frustrating now, JBrown. But it will happen in its due time, and it will be better when no one feels like they're giving in. I know that the hormone cocktail that you are experiencing turns that sentence into gobbledygook, but trust a former 17 year old, sex is so much better when you both are ready. Talking about sex a lot doesn't make a person ready. I suspect she's just using the god thing as an excuse for just not being able to admit she's not ready.

Be attentive, be selfless, and be caring. A lot of times being 'ready' for women is less about the physical portion than it is about the mental side. It is a moment of extreme vulnerability literally opening yourself to another person for the first time, and being the right person, someone she trusts completely, and someone who is there for her and not himself are all monumentally important.

[Minimalist]

My issue, is that of course she feels having sex is 'not doing the right thing.'

Teach her the right way.

[LastPoet]

Tell her that you're not buying or signing anything before a test drive. This is also valid for women regarding men.

[Cato]

If it's sex you're after, I don't understand chasing a virgin. Seems to me this would be much like going out to eat at a hardware store. After a lot of effort you can probably find something to chew, swallow, and digest, but it's not going to be pleasant.

[ThomM]

Alright so I need some ideas. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now and she was raised going to a Catholic private school up until high school. (Brainwashed.) She has recently become more open to the idea that Christianity is ridiculous, contradictory, etc. etc. My issue, is that of course she feels having sex is 'not doing the right thing.' She literally does everything in the book, but thinks if she has sex shes doing some evil wrongdoing or some bullshit like that. Its ridiculous, because I know she's ready to have sex, she talks about it all the time, but her brainwashing is getting in the way and it's kind of annoying. Any ideas to change her mind or at least get through to her that it makes no sense God would give a damn if she has sex before marriage? Thanks.

God does care if she has sex before marriage. Do you love her or care about her? If so, why are you trying to get her to go against her conscience? I'd advise you to take her as she is or let her go and find a woman who will have sex with you.

How do you know that a god CARES about anything?
You cannot even prove a god exists to care

I get tired of people claiming they know what a god wants - when they cannot prove a god exists to want anything - they are just liars.

[Thumpalumpacus]

God does care if she has sex before marriage.

Because Mary Jane's sex life is more important than, say, eliminating cancer, sure.

[thesummerqueen]

I wasn't raised in a sex negative environment (more like sex neutral) but I know some people who were. You can 'wait' for years before they decide sex is a good thing, even if they're boinking you silly in the meantime. Fucked up, eh? That's what religion does to you.

None of that means you should convince her to have sex, of course. You say she's more open to the idea that religion is ridiculous - if that's the case, I would explore that more, and in the meantime also see if you can find a counselor (not at school) to talk to about sex and how to be healthy and positive about it. Good counselors are aware of the hang-ups religions cause and can help her discover what SHE wants WHEN she wants it, and teach you both healthy ways of communicating it.

Meanwhile, have an honest discussion about why she thinks sex is bad, and if she says in the end that she's just not ready, then deal with it EVEN IF YOU THINK IT'S FOR A SILLY REASON. I wouldn't have wanted someone to pressure me into sex because "no god" anymore than I would want sex if I had a migraine.

[vorlon13]

Maybe she deserves to date someone who respects her (admittedly fucked up) morality ??

No shortage of desperate, lonely somewhat older women, who will be far more sympatico with your views on sex, why torment one that is never going to sync up with your views on atheism, sex, probably money, and a hundred other topics??

[ThePinsir]

Dude - don't try to rush it. Don't try to pressure her or make her feel bad or anything. It'll happen when it happens. Be a gentlemen n shit