Hello....new here

[Willow Blackbird]

Hi all,

My name is Willow and I'm new here. I've been a confirmed atheist for about 6 months now, left the church a year ago, but really been on this road my whole life. I was raised in an evangelical Christian home by a minister. Always was taught that going to church was the way to avoid hell. Fear of hell has kept me going to church into adulthood and ultimately to raise my children in the church too. I have 3 kids - 18, 16, and 13. Recently we just left a fundamentalist Christian church after 5 years of indoctrination and abuse. Going to that church just pounded the last nail in the coffin of my faith. Upon leaving that church, I formally shut God out of my life for good and became true to myself.

It's been a rough transition for my kids. They've been raised to believe in God. They don't understand why I can turn my back on it. My two oldest children are really, really struggling. My oldest is an adult and as far as I'm concerned, he's on his own path in life. However, he's decided to start attending a church-type group for college kids. My middle child is frustrated, angry, and missing church. I have not forced my unbelief on my kids in any way, but I've challenged their thinking. When they say religious things, I ask them gently why they believe that and where it comes from. I ask them to think about whether there is evidence for such belief. It makes her very mad when I do this. So I've gone silent. She's 16 and confused. I recently agreed to attend a Unitarian Universalist church in my area with her. I have tremendous anxiety about stepping foot in a church of any kind, but she's searching and this seems to be a good compromise in a way. My youngest has embraced agnosticism and says she firmly believes in fairies. She's my little free-spirit and I love that about her.

So I guess, my question is: What do I do about my kids who keep holding SO TIGHTLY to their Judeo-Christian upbringing and refuse to even open their minds to other thoughts and ideas? Their indoctrination from the fundamentalist church is hanging on for dear life. At times it makes me a bit weepy to know I've done this to them by taking them to church. Should I just let it go? Just accept that they are all on unique paths and only answer questions when they ask me? I don't want to alienate my children.

I'd love some genuine and *KIND* advice about what to do here. My kids are good kids. They are smart. But I've confused them in a major way and I'd like to help repair it.

Willow

[Bibliofagus]

Welcome. Theres a thread about children and religion. Can't link you there because I'm on my mobile, but of you click on 'todays' post you'll find it .

[pocaracas]

Welcome, welcome!
I'm not sure the intro zone is the best place for this kind of advice, but here goes.

Be a the best parent you can. At this stage in their lives, they just want you to be there. You are their safety net, their pillar, their anchor.
Up until now, you have been (at least partly) responsible for the christian upbringing of your children, so now you have to face it.

Be what you are, answer them when they ask questions about it. Answer as truthfully and honestly as possible. Let them make up their own mind about what's happened to you. Even if they remain religious, they'll know there's a good person which is not religious, so they won't be sucked into the lie that atheists are evil, or whatever lies "they" tell about us. They'll keep growing to respect the lack of faith.

[/my 2 cents]

[Willow Blackbird]

Even if they remain religious, they'll know there's a good person which is not religious, so they won't be sucked into the lie that atheists are evil, or whatever lies "they" tell about us. They'll keep growing to respect the lack of faith.

Thank you for this. This was just what I needed to hear. Yes, I guess I do need to face this, don't I? But this is great advice and it has brought me some great peace.

Sorry for posting this in an inappropriate area. I'll go check out the forum about children.

Willow

[Mister Agenda]

Glad to have you with us, Willow!

[SteelCurtain]

Welcome!

That's a difficult situation, for sure. You mentioned that you didn't want to push your beliefs on them. The best you can do is to encourage critical thinking. Encourage skepticism. Lead by example. Little things like "wonder why that is" for something that has nothing to do with religion. Blatantly don't take things at face value. Conversation about global warming, "let's look at the available evidence from both sides and come to our own conclusion."

Freethought and skepticism have a natural conclusion. Support the right to those religious beliefs that you instilled in them, at the very least. Most importantly, be a good parent who is an atheist, not an atheist parent, even a good one.

[Jenny A]

Welcome.

I posted a reply to your question in the children and religion thread, but it mirrors much of the advice already given.

[Minimalist]

Hi there.

Kids are more resilient than adults give them credit for.

[Napoléon]

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Hullo willow. Welcome to the forum :-)