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Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Other Religions v
Help! I need to worship Satan

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Help! I need to worship Satan
TheRealJoeFish Offline
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#21
RE: Help! I need to worship Satan
December 3, 2014 at 2:14 pm (This post was last modified: December 3, 2014 at 2:15 pm by TheRealJoeFish.)
(December 3, 2014 at 12:48 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: Maybe stocking up on adultery would be good too.

And you stealers out there, stealing is stealing, might as well go for something BIG and EXPENSIVE !!!

Wikipedia says that the Catholic Catechism has a list of 40 mortal sins. I figure, if you've committed one of them...
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LostLocke Offline
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#22
RE: Help! I need to worship Satan
December 3, 2014 at 2:24 pm
(December 3, 2014 at 2:10 pm)Beccs Wrote: Sacrifice a virgin.

Step 1: Find a virgin (Yeah, good luck with that, unless you can attend a sci-fi convention . . .).
Because sacrificing is the first thing that comes to a guy's mind on the rare occasion he does find a virgin..... Tongue
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#23
RE: Help! I need to worship Satan
December 3, 2014 at 2:25 pm
(December 3, 2014 at 2:24 pm)LostLocke Wrote:
(December 3, 2014 at 2:10 pm)Beccs Wrote: Sacrifice a virgin.

Step 1: Find a virgin (Yeah, good luck with that, unless you can attend a sci-fi convention . . .).
Because sacrificing is the first thing that comes to a guy's mind on the rare occasion he does find a virgin..... Tongue

At a sci-fi convention how many of the virgins are female?

Tongue

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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vorlon13 Offline
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#24
RE: Help! I need to worship Satan
December 3, 2014 at 2:32 pm
(December 3, 2014 at 2:14 pm)TRJF Wrote:
(December 3, 2014 at 12:48 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: Maybe stocking up on adultery would be good too.

And you stealers out there, stealing is stealing, might as well go for something BIG and EXPENSIVE !!!

Wikipedia says that the Catholic Catechism has a list of 40 mortal sins. I figure, if you've committed one of them...

As an alternative, if some fine strapping catholic man wants to commit one mortal sin with me 40 times, I'd be available this weekend.
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LostLocke Offline
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#25
RE: Help! I need to worship Satan
December 3, 2014 at 3:22 pm
(December 3, 2014 at 2:25 pm)Beccs Wrote:
(December 3, 2014 at 2:24 pm)LostLocke Wrote: Because sacrificing is the first thing that comes to a guy's mind on the rare occasion he does find a virgin..... Tongue

At a sci-fi convention how many of the virgins are female?

Tongue
Mmmm, good point.
I assumed it was a 'female' virgin that needed to be sacrificed.
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#26
RE: Help! I need to worship Satan
December 3, 2014 at 3:28 pm
(December 3, 2014 at 3:22 pm)LostLocke Wrote:
(December 3, 2014 at 2:25 pm)Beccs Wrote: At a sci-fi convention how many of the virgins are female?

Tongue
Mmmm, good point.
I assumed it was a 'female' virgin that needed to be sacrificed.

An assumption shared with Islamist "martyrs" who are in for a rude shock . . .

ROFLOL

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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Jenny A Offline
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#27
RE: Help! I need to worship Satan
December 3, 2014 at 3:33 pm
(December 3, 2014 at 12:30 pm)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote: I've heard it has something to do with goats. Do you own a goat? Perhaps you can rent one, or lease with an option to buy?

Seems like a reasonable place to start.

Nah, Yahweh likes goat.


Quote:And you shall offer one male goat for a sin offering, and two male lambs a year old as a sacrifice of peace offerings.
Leviticus 23:19


Pick something unclean like piggies.
If there is a god, I want to believe that there is a god.  If there is not a god, I want to believe that there is no god.
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LostLocke Offline
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#28
RE: Help! I need to worship Satan
December 3, 2014 at 3:33 pm
What Muslims expect....

[Image: virgins.jpg]

What they'll actually see...

[Image: 120209_TV_ComicBookMen.jpg.CROP.rectangle3-large.jpg]
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simplemoss Offline
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#29
RE: Help! I need to worship Satan
December 4, 2014 at 7:42 am (This post was last modified: December 4, 2014 at 7:43 am by simplemoss.)
Well that doesn't really help me? I'm just supposed too get a goat and a virgin and, so what I'm supposed fuck the virgin while killing the goat, or is it the other way around?

And then what? The devil just appears and I sell my soul for a wish? I'm not gonna have too pleasure him am I?

Isn't there a book I can buy shouldn't there be a section for devil worship on Amazon?
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Alex K Offline
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#30
RE: Help! I need to worship Satan
December 4, 2014 at 7:58 am (This post was last modified: December 4, 2014 at 7:58 am by Alex K.)
(December 4, 2014 at 7:42 am)simplemoss Wrote: Isn't there a book I can buy shouldn't there be a section for devil worship on Amazon?

Don't go for any of that sellout mainstream crap. Just follow your black heart. And again, go easy on the goats.
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

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Help! I need to worship Satan



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