Confessions of a Professional Mega-Church Drummer (long, sorry)

[LivingNumbers6.626]

You don't need to apologize so purfusely. Disbelief is not a crime or an offense though those around you will treat it that way. Sure you indulged, but everyone does. Trust me, you're not the only rock star in history that had played the church boy part. Its a survival mechanism. Now that you are done surviving, you can now live.

[JesusHChrist]

Welcome OP!

Better to be true to yourself than live a lie.

Unless the chicks are plentiful and smokin'. Then lying is the ticket. Some of those church babes.....OMG. All saintly like....uh huh. Me and the debble know better.

[Roxy904]

Hey, I recently "came out" to my mom, and, honestly, it was better and worse than I thought it would be. Of course, my 13-year-old life has never been nearly as religious as yours. My mom has taken my siblings and me to Church nearly every Sunday, and has sent us to a Catholic school.
When I told my mom, I don't think I phrased it very well; I think I told her something like, "Religion has been one of things that has held humanity back," and while I believe that, it wasn't appropriate to say right then. I would recommend doing it at a casual time, watching tv or whatever. Your other option is to basically sit down with them and give them an honest talk. Remind them that it's not their fault, that you are still the same person, that there is nothing wrong with you. Tell them that you are still a good person, with or with out religion. Tell them you love them, and don't bash Christianity.
When I told my mom, she was upset, and she clearly felt hurt that I didn't share her beliefs; however, once I expressed the point that as long as I was still a good person, why should my religion or lack thereof matter? She's still a little frosty, but she loves me and we're still close. If they love you, they'll accept you no matter what. Make sure you explain why you believe what you do, but in a manner that hopefully won't offend them. Don't be too apologetic, you shouldn't be sorry for who you are.
Prior to telling them, I would drop hints, like decreasing enthusiasm, etc.
Good luck. I hope everything goes well and that this helps.

[pearldrumbum]

@JesusH LOL! I know exactly what you mean. And pastors daughters are the worst (read: best).

[AFTT47]

You're welcome Yes, the hell thing is hard. One of the most vile aspects of religions. I'm not sure how it can be addressed... the only thing I've got is to deflect by saying how long have you spent worried that I'm going to islam hell? Or Fierygod254's hell? Or any of the other infinite possibilities of religion and associated hell? I don't know if that would have any impact. Maybe you could present arguments as to why hell is so stupid. An all loving God could not possibly send people to be tortured forever, especially just for using their brain.

I wish I had a better suggestion

I honestly don't get the 'Hell thing'. I never did. Any cretin who imposed such a thing on anyone for any reason is the most vile, evil filth conceivable. Why would anyone want to spend a nano second - never mind eternity - with such a beast? How could anyone be happy in Heaven, knowing the unspeakable atrocity that is going on in Hell?

[YGninja]

"At the same time I was attending University of Washington studying physics, and starting to doubt the faith I grew up with.
At 24, I took a hiatus from that church to go on tour with a secular band for about a year and a half. When I returned, I found a new church drumming gig. By this time I had come to grips with the fact that I truly don't believe in the god I grew up with"


It seems like your entire deconversion occurred while spending time with, probably, alot of other atheists.

What influence do you think they had on your deconversion?
Did they raise issues that you did not feel equipped to answer?

[Fidel_Castronaut]

It's an interesting set of questions.

I'm coming at this from the attitude that my parents imparted to me when I was young and that was to get a lot of views and thoughts on things before forming an opinion. I've always found religious faith to be the antithesis (though naturally this isn't always so); taking in one view to the exclusion of all others.

It can, of course, happen the other way around too, but I see propagation of the former relying almost entirely on not listening to other views as being the standard, which is a real shame.

[Faith No More]

"At the same time I was attending University of Washington studying physics, and starting to doubt the faith I grew up with.
At 24, I took a hiatus from that church to go on tour with a secular band for about a year and a half. When I returned, I found a new church drumming gig. By this time I had come to grips with the fact that I truly don't believe in the god I grew up with"


It seems like your entire deconversion occurred while spending time with, probably, alot of other atheists.

What influence do you think they had on your deconversion?
Did they raise issues that you did not feel equipped to answer?

Like a vulture to a carcass...

[Clueless Morgan]

Also, because of the very public collapse of the well-known church I was at, talking church and where I will go next is a favorite topic for my parents whenever I talk with them. For now I just lie, but I can't keep that up forever.

Would you not going to church anymore be a big giveaway that you're a non-believer now? Is it an option to express your skepticism about "the next church" and whether they'll collapse, too, and citing that as a major reason you've stopped looking? I don't know why the church collapsed (metaphorically or literally? Through financial mismanagement or through scandal?) but if there is something there to cite as a red flag that might be a way out.

Do you think that using euphemisms would provide you a way to easing your family into accepting your non-belief? Or at least not totally freaking out when you tell them? Get them to accept your non-belief using a less threatening word than "atheist" and walk them into it so it's a little less scary. It'll take time, and you might still feel like you're lying, but it's a possible way to make the transition gradually.

[aemorrow]

I got kicked out of my house when I refused to go to church anymore. Against house rules. I do think you should apologize for lying to people, and not because you feel bad about coming out, but because you are trying to make things right. To me, God would be pleased with you for coming out to everyone. I would say from my experience, you need to be clear about what you are against. Do you not believe in God, or do you not believe in what people have taught you about some so-called God? Be reasonable, not emotional. Because chances are, you're not the only one who realizes that church as we know it today has basically nothing to do with Jesus and his discipleship. Read your bible FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, meaning, you need to know what's poetry, what's law, what's just a good ol' story, and when you read about Jesus, read about Jesus for yourself, and come to your own conclusion based on what makes sense, not based on what other people say, especially when they don't even remotely live up to what they say they believe. I believe that you will find in the truth if you do your own research about who Jesus was. Also read up on Constantine. He basically screwed up everything Jesus stood for and is the cause of Western Christendom as we know it. This is your life, your family, and your sanity at stake here. Be intelligent, be courageous, be slow to anger, apathy, and judgment. It's almost like you're exactly in Jesus' spot. He was fed up with all the bullcrap of people and their self-righteousness, and in standing up for what he believed in, they crucified him. That seems to be your fear, that is fear of death. for your relationships and life as you know it. Do as Jesus would do, forgive them for they know not what they do and don't be afraid of any negative powers that try to overcome you.

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@JesusH LOL! I know exactly what you mean. And pastors daughters are the worst (read: best).

so not helpful...perpetuating that type of thinking leads to the shithole of a world we have now.