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Fusillianism
August 16, 2015 at 5:57 pm
I am a Fusillian. (Also known as a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Reformed.) We regard the fusilli (corkscrew shape) as most divine, and drink wine with our pasta, not beer (which is reserved for other sacred occasions). The corkscrew shape symbolizes the divine corkscrew used to extract corks from wine bottles. However, we recognize all forms of pasta as true paths to enlightenment.
Here is the sacred form:
Our heaven differs from traditional Pastafarianism in that there are no strippers and no beer volcano. At least, there are no pre-included strippers; all strippers are welcome, of all genders and all sexual orientations. And instead of a beer volcano, we have a wine cellar that is infinite in size, and perfect in temperature, that will last through eternity. We also have infinite casks of beer and other alcoholic (and nonalcoholic) beverages.
Regular Pastafarians (i.e., members of the original Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) are all welcome in our church. They need not convert to be welcome. They may just stop in for pasta and wine whenever they are in the mood.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
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RE: Fusillianism
August 16, 2015 at 5:58 pm
I am SO down with this.
Beer with pasta is an abomination, though. 
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.
Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped.
Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses.
Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder.
Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
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RE: Fusillianism
August 16, 2015 at 5:59 pm
For a second there my mind conflated corkscrew and screwdriver and I was like 'typical Pyrrho'
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RE: Fusillianism
August 16, 2015 at 6:19 pm
Quote:They may just stop in for pasta and wine whenever they are in the mood.
Is that like the body and blood of the FSM?
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RE: Fusillianism
August 16, 2015 at 7:45 pm
DIE, BLASPHEMER!!! ONLY THE LEFT TURNING FUSSILI SHOW THE PATH TO ETERNAL WISDOM!!@
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition
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RE: Fusillianism
August 16, 2015 at 7:54 pm
(August 16, 2015 at 5:57 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: instead of a beer volcano
Heresy!
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RE: Fusillianism
August 16, 2015 at 8:53 pm
Whilst I recognise the pleasant texture and experience that the eating of fusilli can bring, I do not think this is the path to the eternal glory and endless clunge that His Benoodled Excellence provides. I am sure in His infinite benevolence, however, he will show you the mercy and forgiveness that befits his nature.
Though you might only get the three-star hookers for the first 6 months of your stay in eternal paradise, before your membership is upgraded.
![[Image: rySLj1k.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i.imgur.com%2FrySLj1k.png)
If you have any serious concerns, are being harassed, or just need someone to talk to, feel free to contact me via PM
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RE: Fusillianism
August 16, 2015 at 9:05 pm
The corkscrew-shaped pasta is just too fine-tuned to not have been created by the flying spaghetti monster. There has to be a higher spaghetti power out there somewhere.
Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' -Isaac Asimov-
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RE: Fusillianism
August 16, 2015 at 9:11 pm
(August 16, 2015 at 5:58 pm)Lucanus Wrote: I am SO down with this.
Beer with pasta is an abomination, though.
That is the main reason for the Reformed Church. I did not want beer with my pasta either, and believe that wine is the proper drink for such meals. Somehow, I don't think that Bobby Henderson thought things through when he started his version of the church.
But, as with the nonReformed Church, forgiveness is abundant. If someone else wants to drink beer with their pasta, they may do so. But they should realize that there is a church that will embrace them if they prefer wine. They may be Fusillians, too.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
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RE: Fusillianism
August 16, 2015 at 9:13 pm
(August 16, 2015 at 6:19 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Quote:They may just stop in for pasta and wine whenever they are in the mood.
Is that like the body and blood of the FSM?
Yes. I see that you are well-schooled in the ways of True Religion.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
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![[Image: fusilli_nudo.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=www.dececco.it%2FEN%2FSemolina-Pasta%2FTraditional-range%2FShort-Shapes%2Ffusilli-34%2Ffusilli_nudo.png)
