Funny

[Dotard]

And I'm all about caring and sharing. Found this while poking around on the internet.

Biblical Justice: Everybody must get stoned


(To the tune of Bob Dylan's "Rainy Day Woman #12 & 35")

Well, they'll stone you if you touch the holy things.

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Whosoever toucheth the mount shall be surely put to death. Exodus 19:13

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They'll stone you if you take accursed things.

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Achan ... took of the accursed thing. ... And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. ... So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger. Joshua 7:1-26

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They'll stone you if you if you curse or blaspheme.

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And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him. Leviticus 24:16

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They'll stone you if you're raped and do not scream.

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If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city. Deuteronomy 22:23-24

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But I would not feel so all alone. Everybody must get stoned.


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Well, they'll stone you if you're an ox and gore a human.

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If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned. Exodus 21:28

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They'll stone you if you marry when not a virgin.

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If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say ... these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. ... But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:13-21

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They'll stone you if you worship other gods.

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If there be found among you ... that ... hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them ... Then shalt thou ... tone them with stones, till they die. Deuteronomy 17:2-5 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers ... thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 13:5-10

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They'll stone you if you disobey your Pa.

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If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother ... Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city ... And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 21:18-21

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But I would not feel so all alone. Everybody must get stoned.


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They'll stone you if you if you're a wizard or a witch.

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A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:27

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They'll stone you if you give Molech your kids.

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Whosoever ... giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones. Leviticus 20:2

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They'll stone you if you if you're a sabbath breaker.

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They found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. ... And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones.... And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses. Numbers 15:32-56

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They'll stone you if you curse the dictator.

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Thou didst blaspheme God and the king. And then carry him out, and stone him, that he may die. 1 Kings 21:10

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But I would not feel so all alone. Everybody must get stoned.

[Zen Badger]

LOL

The only Dylan song I ever liked too.

[Violet]

I admit... i opened the thread expecting to find Dotard's autobiography...

[downbeatplumb]

I admit... i opened the thread expecting to find Dotard's autobiography...

You mean this isnt it!!