Loving and forgiving your enemies

[Catholic_Lady]

Hello heathens. 

So I watched this 20/20 documentary the other night about a little girl who was abducted, raped, and murdered. The little girl's mother, through her faith, made the decision to forgive her daughter's murderer. She starts talking about it at 12:30 on the video below. 

"I made the commitment to work towards an attitude of forgiveness. I tried to think positive thoughts for him - let the weather be good for whatever he's doing today, if he's traveling may he not have any car trouble."

She prayed for him and was also against the death penalty for him. Once he was found and imprisoned, he killed himself in his cell, and she reached out to his mom and they laid flowers together on his grave.    

Loving and forgiving our enemies is a fundamental Christian teaching, coming from Jesus Himself. So the question to you guys is, do you agree with this teaching? Do you guys think loving/forgiving our enemies, even the people who have done the worst things imaginable to us, is something we should strive to do? Or do you think a person has no moral duty whatsoever to try to forgive people who have done such heinous things? 

Why or why not?  

Here's the documentary if anyone is interested:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB1g4TxdhoE

[The Grand Nudger]

If forgiveness is a moral duty than it's value is greatly lessened, imo.  It's something you have to do - rather than something you elect to do.  I don't believe that there is such a duty..and I certainly don't think that jesus gave quality advice about how to deal with enemies..judging by the supposed circumstances of his death.

If there was ever a guy that needed to beat a plow into a sword...to -not- turn the other cheek....to refuse his enemies love, it'd be a guy who got crucified by the state.

[Longhorn]

Love and forgiveness out of duty don't appear very sincere, do they to you?

No, I don't believe anyone is under any sort of obligation to forgive or love. The notion in itself seems absurd.

[Longhorn]

And as far as forgiveness goes, I rather choose to let it go for my own sake than forcefully forgive for anyone else's.

[Catholic_Lady]

Love and forgiveness out of duty don't appear very sincere, do they to you?

No, I don't believe anyone is under any sort of obligation to forgive or love. The notion in itself seems absurd.

Well it is not easy to love/forgive someone who rapes and kills your kid. You have to make the decision to do it. It takes effort. You have to work at it. It isn't something that just magically happens. 

Like the mother said, "I made the commitment to work towards an attitude of forgiveness."

So yes, you make that decision because you feel it is the right thing to do. Do you agree with doing that?

[Iroscato]

If by 'forgive' you mean 'vanquish', then I can get behind this philosophy somewhat.

[Longhorn]

I don't find it immoral but I wouldn't do it.

What I mean to say is, if you forgive someone not because you feel the harm is repaired or at least accounted for but because forgiving is what ought to be done, don't you find it less sincere? That it's forced - like you said, you have to work on it, and a whole lot?

It isn't meant to happen 'magically', rather naturally.

[c172]

I agree with Vic that it's good to move on and forgive for one's own sake. Especially versus forgiving because some outer force commands (or even just wants) you to. I think the OP is asking that, and it's a good question.

I don't ever hope for pleasant days for somebody who is (rightfully) in prison for a long time. But I do hope that the experience is rehabilitative in a way. If somebody emerges from prison angrier than when he entered because of the surroundings or experiences in prison, then that person is no better for our society once he is released. So in that sense, I am mentally moving on from whatever he did, and hoping he gets the help he actually needs to become a better person (and this is whether or not he is ever released).

[Catholic_Lady]

I don't find it immoral but I wouldn't do it.

What I mean to say is, if you forgive someone not because you feel the harm is repaired or at least accounted for but because forgiving is what ought to be done, don't you find it less sincere? That it's forced - like you said, you have to work on it, and a whole lot?

It isn't meant to happen 'magically', rather naturally.

I don't think loving and forgiving someone who raped and murdered your little daughter is something that can ever come naturally. I think the "natural" response would be to feel hatred and revenge for that person. 

I definitely think love and forgiveness of someone who has done something so heinous is something that cannot be accomplished without commitment and effort and the conscious decision to do so. I don't see how this makes it insincere, though.

[drfuzzy]

I attended a rather brilliant group therapy session on forgiveness that has never left me.

Forgiveness, in the Judeo-Christian western sense of the word, is a deliberate act.  It can very easily devolve into a type of one-upmanship and moral superiority stance.  The "forgiver" often is known to say that he's "taking the higher ground" and "being the better man" - - while the "forgiven" is judged as less than, and often removed from the circle of friends and family.  The forgiver really hasn't forgiven anything, he has just chosen to walk away, feeling superior.  This mindset heals no-one.

A greater type of forgiveness does exist, though.  It takes the courage to reach out and try to understand why someone has behaved the way they have.  What is their background, what is their mindset?  Understanding and re-connecting can be true forgiveness.  They say that the worst human monster imaginable does not see a monster when they look in the mirror.  I find it hard to believe that any creature who could commit rape would not see a monster -- much less rape and murder!!!   What this woman did in forgiving that monster beyond my capabilities.  I find it amazing.  

The exercise of trying to understand a person and still reach out to them, though, has helped me through some rough spots.  And as a former xtian, I think that this is the behavior shown, in the most part, by the Jesus described in the gospels.