Christoid logic #2 - the one true lie!

[ignoramus]

In the spirit of all our religious brethren, I hereby dedicate this thread to them.
We will speak your language. The language of theists/apologists.

Out of respect, please do not comment if you have something sensible, scientifically provable, or non fallacious to say.

I'll start. Jesus was gay! He must be because nobody at all is disputing that fact! OMFG!

(Jesus cleans other blokes feet!) Metaphor anyone? Yeah, right, pull the other one!

[J a c k]

Every time a baby is born, the gawd gets to eat. Every time someone aborts a baby, the gawd pukes. Fact.
Which is directly correlated to the fact that atheists eat babies. Which equals causation.

[ignoramus]

Nice word salad, you my friend are going to go far!

[J a c k]

Nice word salad, you my friend are going to go far!

*giggles like a minion

[Athene]

There's more than just the visible world, Stupid! Ever heard of this thing called AIR...Hellooo? 
I can feel His presence in my heart, and even down in my joints ...especially when it's about to rain!

I also see Him in little childrens' eyes. 
How can you look into their little eyeballs and not see the wonder of God? Or not hear His voice in their joyful laughter?

Cause you won't let yourself, that's why! You love Evil-ution more than your Creator.
Let me ask you this, Atheist: Can Evil-lution help you find your keys?

I know my God can!

[ignoramus]

I hear you loud and clear!
Only a fake cafe Christian would say god works in mysterious ways.

You and I know that there is absolutely nothing mysterious about his glory!
It's everywhere! How can they not see it?

The devil is busy clouding their minds I see!
Thena, how can we show these ignorant fools how wrong they are when they just won't open their heart?
It's so frustrating! I just want to pull my hair out!
(actually, there's more on my chest than my head, but let's not get stuck on the little things)

[Athene]

At first I try to get them to see reason, and tell them of God's yumminess!
If they don't come around, I give them a friendly reminder of THIS:

Dear me...Oops! That's Keanu Reeves as John Constantine of DC Comics' Hellblazer. He escapes! 

I'd better find something else.

Let's see....Oh yes, here we go! Ahem. 

A friendly reminder to all you Atheist Evil-lutionists sciencing out there: This awaits!

[J a c k]

Some guy said god is real, because banana. It fits in his hand.

So, I did some thinking. Not too much, because I don't want it to make me stray from the road of salvation. I thought and thought and came to this conclusion:

Check someone's hands out. Look at them. Are they chubby? Short fingered? Long fingered? Nice and feminine? Dirty? Manicured?

Now check their feet. I am certain that their hands are a fair reflection of their feet. You can match anyone's hands to their feet, because they are a reflection.

The gawd made us his feet. We are his spitting image. He was so cute and sweet to leave these little clues around for us. It gives me goose bumps! That's why people with feet fetishes are mostly preachers. They love gawd's feet. If they ever try to kiss your feet, let them. And please, cover your hands in church. Amen.

[Athene]

Amen, Sister. Hallelujah!
He healed me of my one Greek toe....Praise Him!

God is great. Got is goot.
Let us thank Him, for this foot.
Amen, Amen, Amen again!