Forgiveness, with a twist ?

[J a c k]

I have learned that I forgive waaaaay too easily. I think I won't, but as soon as I hear "I'm sorry", I'm in. Sometimes not even. Sometimes all it takes is that the damn person is nice to me, and boom. All debt is forgiven. Yeesh.

[Edwardo Piet]

I always forgive but I don't forget unless it's a friend who I trust deeply and I feel it's all been resolved between the two of us.

[Bunburryist]

Anyhow, the employee was convicted, and is going to do some time (for a million bucks, to me the time seems on the low side, by quite a bit).  After the trial, before being hauled away she indicated she wanted this couple to come up to the lawyers table and she broke down apologizing for the disaster.  This couple were moved to tears themselves and said they no longer held any ill will towards her and they were sorry they were all at this bad juncture.

The fact that the employee was convicted, even though they were forgiven, reveals the fundamental difference between a persons right to forgive and the laws obligation to punish.  If judges could "forgive" - not THAT would be a problem.  And, apparently, this goes on a LOT in Islamic countries where they have "councils of elders" deciding what's right and wrong.  (Egypt - Muslims vs. Copts - is a good example.)  It's not surprising that these people don't like the western concept of "rule of law."

[Whateverist]

I'd say being able to forgive someone is always to my advantage but not always attainable. Sometimes I can't do it. Sometimes I can only do it if the other side shows sincere recognition of how they transgressed and express regret. But I will try to see the situation from both sides and to try hard not to hold them to some ideal standard. (I've stopped expecting/demanding perfection from others.)

If the person is important to me, like my wife, I'll look hard to find my own culpability when I feel put upon, and at least try to recognize the same temptation/inclination in myself. When I was younger I was less realistic and demanded more from both myself and others. I'm definitely better off for having recognized what a self-righteous prig I'd started out at. Change can be good. Recognizing a lost cause too.

[Thumpalumpacus]

To my mind, forgiveness is as much for my own mental health as it is for helping my transgressor become right with the work again. I find grudging to be emotionally corrosive, to me. Of course, it's sometimes goddamned hard.

I s'pose my approach is "forgive but don't forget."