Substance Abuse Recovery Thread

[ApeNotKillApe]

Drop the recovery part and I fit right in this thread. Drinking again, and looks like it's going to be that way for a while.

This is making it sound like your drinking is related to tough times. 

Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk. I may not have many words of wisdom to share, but I will listen.

I'm not really a 'talk' person, but the sentiment is much appreciated 

[Crossless2.0]

Although she has to be the one to make the decision to stop or at least not involve you, you have no duty/responsibility to enable her. Not to look the other way, not for love, not for money, not to fix, not to rescue, not "I'll wait until they figure it out".  

If the drug has a bigger hold on her than you (that lack of respect), what do you see your future with her as? I know some couples that make it work, but they are rare and not all that happy. They seem to become more of a relationship of convenience, each living mostly separate lives.  

Feel free to tell me to blow it out my ass. I know very little about your situation. Just one drunks take on your vent.

Yeah, I know I'm enabling her but I'm not really sure what else to do at this point. I worry that an ultimatum of any kind will just drive her away into . . . well, who knows?

The issues with her are legion. She pulls a train load of serious PTSD. She may very well have (warning: completely unqualified opinion coming) borderline personality disorder. She has a history of suicide attempts -- granted these were many years ago, before we met. She has a Xanax habit which only seems to fuel her crack use. I don't think her crack addiction can be uncoupled from her Xanax use, but she insists she can't get by without the Xanax. It's true that her anxiety is acute, and the Xanax is legitimately prescribed, but she never gets to the end of a prescription period with any left. Hell, she never has any left one to two weeks prior to her refills. Of course, Xanax withdrawal can be quite dangerous.

The only time during our marriage when she has been ok -- not just ok but mellow and joyful -- was during a period when she was out of Xanax, had no access to the usual dealer(s) but did have access to edibles. THC seems to work wonders for her. It's like being around a completely different person -- in fact, the person I thought I was marrying. If it were that simple, I'd have no problem with her going that route. I'm giving it all up, but pot was the least of my problems among those substances I abused, and I really don't have any objection to her using it, at least until such time as she is ready to get clean.

The fucking Xanax seems to be the key, but she'd need to detox off that shit and inpatient care isn't really an option so long as she insists she can't go without it.

She needs serious counseling but needs to get clean for that to make any real difference.

Eventually, I see marriage counseling in the picture, but there is no point in pursuing that until we've both racked up some serious clean time.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Well, it is advised to avoid major life-changes in the first year of recovery. You're right to prioritize your recovery above anything else. I just hope she doesn't make a habit of endangering your recovery.

I wish I had more insight to offer, but I don't.

[Crossless2.0]

Well, it is advised to avoid major life-changes in the first year of recovery. You're eight to prioritize your recovery above anything else. I just hope she doesn't make a habit of endangering your recovery.

I wish I had more insight to offer, but I don't.

No worries. I appreciate the support.

There's been a lot of upheaval this past year as it is, so your advice about major life changes is well taken. Let's just say that seeing her through this is just one more reason (not that I need more) to stay clean myself.

[brewer]

If she's going thru a month's supply of Xanax in two weeks does she cold turkey the next two weeks or buy off the street? If she cold turkeys, sounds like it's more of a psych addiction than physical addiction. A psych addiction can be every bit as debilitating as physical. 

At some point she may need to consider inpatient that will provide drug and psych counseling.

[Crossless2.0]

If she's going thru a month's supply of Xanax in two weeks does she cold turkey the next two weeks or buy off the street? If she cold turkeys, sounds like it's more of a psych addiction than physical addiction. A psych addiction can be every bit as debilitating as physical. 

At some point she may need to consider inpatient that will provide drug and psych counseling.

No, she doesn't buy off the street. She cold turkeys every damn month, and it freaks me out.

[Elskidor]

I guess I'll share a tad...

Since the age of 17, if I added up all the days I didn't touch alcohol, I have about one full sober year. I'm 34. Actually began at age 14 but it took awhile before finding the right people to supply my underage drinking habit back then. Man, those early teenage drinking years were such a blissful high. Too bad the more you chase that same high it only drags you lower.

I've spent some time in jail, rehab, the hospital and at the courthouse more than I'd like. I would like to chalk it up to just being an alcoholic, but I'm just a obsessive person. I'm pretty obsessive on whatever I do and sometimes it's great when it comes to work or healthy hobbies, but quite volatile when I find myself dancing in toxins. But this thread clearly states "Substance Abuse" so I won't bother with my my other bazillion addictions.

I've drank day and night on extremely long binges that have sent me to the hospital, but I've swung back and forth and now (most of the time) into a moderate 3 or 4 beer a night person for the last several years, only a couple slip up binges that resulted in job loss and jail in the last 5 years. Far better than my early drinking years however. I typically try to stay away from things that might lead me down bad paths, but alcohol is one of those things I just don't bother trying to quit altogether anymore. I figure it'll occasionally bite hard again, but I'm reliant on it.

Oh, I'm a smoker too. I did quit that for vaping until my vape broke, but then I starated up again. I'm fairly certain I can quit again once I buy a new vape, but I don't know if vaping is truly better or not anyway.

In recovery? For me it's just a long coping procces on learning how to live with my addictive personality and make things work. Maybe that's recovery. Hell if I know, but g'luck to you all!

[Chas]

I've been sober for over 25 years; I got sober as an atheist in AA.  

I'm here if you want to talk.

---

A substitute is crucial for me too. Right now that's AA. It's replaced alcohol in my life. I'm in such a vulnerable place right now, I swear to God, if I get out of this without getting religion of some kind, it'll be a miracle. 

Maybe I'll end up with Taoism, like Aegon. I always liked that. And Buddhism of course. Who knows. About the only thing I know is I won't be any kind of baptist.

I used to love to write, before I started drinking. I know a lot of writers were prolific drunks, but not me. I'm gonna try to get back to it when my brain remembers how to do things like sleep and form coherent thoughts.

I got sober in AA as an atheist and a humanist, and remained so.

The real strength of AA is peer support and shared experience, not religion or spirituality.

Just find (or start) groups that have less woo.

---

Another one I heard a lot specifically in rehab, but surprisingly not so much outside of the rehab facility itself, was "Get god or get drunk"

I'm pretty sure AA stands for Aphorisms Anonymous. 

[Gemini]

I got sober in AA as an atheist and a humanist, and remained so.

The real strength of AA is peer support and shared experience, not religion or spirituality.

Just find (or start) groups that have less woo.

I just read the Daily Reflection, which states: "If I fail to stress the spiritual feature of A.A.'s program, I am being dishonest. The newcomer should not be given a false impression of sobriety. I am sober only through the grace of my Higher Power..."

And then your post. Quite the contrast! It helps to know that people can do sobriety without divine assistance.

[AceBoogie]

A lot of people will say a lot of things. A lot of literature, including even the "Big Book" will say a lot of things. At the end of the day, you have to find your own path to recovery. Folks can help you along the way but I truly feel like recovery is a "take what you need and leave the rest" sort of deal. Even though that's a saying you'll hear in "the rooms" of AA not very many people follow that saying.

Just do what works for you and more importantly do what is good and positive for you, doesn't matter what anyone else says.