[split] The Newly Departed thread: announcements (departures)

[Shell B]

So many fuckers in life like that. They offer help and when you don't accept it you're the one with the problem.

I suppose that's not directed at the people who've offered you help here, right? It's just a generalization and if we take it personally that's our fault.

This is getting ridiculous. *hands washed of thread*

[Edwardo Piet]

[sarcasm]Apparently no one is allowed to disagree with criticism or get upset or else it means they don't want it or can't handle it. [/sarcasm]

I'm outright saying "I still want it anyway". If I can't disagree with criticism without someone saying I can't handle it when I said the exact opposite then it is them who can't handle the fact I disagree.

[Whateverist]

Hey Hammy, tic tac?

[brewer]

I've not offered help, but you're still the one with the issues.

[Edwardo Piet]

So many fuckers in life like that. They offer help and when you don't accept it you're the one with the problem.

I suppose that's not directed at the people who've offered you help here, right? It's just a generalization and if we take it personally that's our fault.

This is getting ridiculous. *hands washed of thread*

Yes that's not directed at anyone here. (I'm being extremely literal because I'm trying extremely hard to explain away the misrepresentations of me. I'm trying to make it as crystal clear as possible but I keep getting misrepresented so I'm being more and more literal). That's directed at literally the 'so many fuckers in life like that'.

There are people in life who take it way further and do it on purpose you see. I was merely reminded of those fuckers. I literally mean what I say.

I know it's fine for me to disagree with you. You just think I'm being dismissive but I'm not I'm just disagreeing. I'm outright telling you that. Judi thinks I can't handle criticism even when I openly say the exact opposite and I get labelled that way by her when I don't agree with her criticism. It's very ironic. It's fine for us to all disagree. Nowhere have I ever said I can't handle criticism or don't want advice. All I'm doing is disagreeing and I want folks to be able to handle that without projecting their own inability to handle it as me not being able to handle it when I'm outright asking for it.

[Shell B]

Why am I doing this? Someone take away my password.

I'm going to try to make this my last post on the topic.

People think you can't handle it because you are behaving like you can't handle it, okay? Repeatedly saying you don't like purple from a purple house doesn't change anyone's opinion of your feelings for purple. You are most definitely behaving like a very bothered person for someone who claims not to be bothered. Maybe check that?

Moreover, you're in a thread where people offered advice, you disagreed with it, they didn't like the way you disagreed with it and then you said fuckers in life offer help and then act like you're the one with the problem when you don't accept it. Then, you want people to believe that you really just meant that in general. Obviously, these are not the fuckers you are looking for? It's not feasible, man. You are clearly ranting about the "friends" you're arguing with here and then claiming that's not who you mean when you describe literally the behavior you've been complaining to them about. It's like someone coming over my house and not wiping their shoes and me loudly proclaiming "I hate fuckers who don't wipe their shoes, but not you, I know you're cool."

I'd give you some advice on how to redeem this situation, but you know.

[Edwardo Piet]

@ Shell B

I outright said that it was literally about other fuckers in life. I'm sorry you don't believe me.

The problem is that people don't like that I disagreed. It's fine for me to disagree it doesn't mean I can't handle it. If anyone says I have a problem whenever I disagree then they're the one with a problem.

I'm not behaving like someone who can't handle anything. I'm behaving like someone who is emotional but is literally saying they still want the honesty anyway regardless of how I feel.

Again, If I'm told I can't handle someone's criticism when I disagree with it then I'm not the one with the problem. It's okay for me to disagree.

I even literally said that my bold and swearing was just for emphasis and not anger or having a meltdown.

If I literally outright say I'm fine with disagreement and the comment about some fuckers in life meant some fuckers in life and that it's fine for people to criticize me and in fact I encourage it as long as it's okay when I don't agree and they don't believe me then that's not my problem. I believe my friends when they tell me things.

Take me at my word, basically, because if people don't then no wonder I can't get through to them.

The purple house analogy is false. I'm literally saying I'm fine with absolutely all opinions. A better analogy would be that I'm literally saying that I'm absolutely fine with all purple things including houses and someone else is saying that a magenta house is better than a purple one and I'm saying I disagree and they're saying I have a problem with their opinion and that they can't offer their criticism merely because I don't agree that magenta houses are better than purple houses.

It's silly to speak of my behavior when all you've got here is my words. If you think I'm behaving differently to my words then you're not taking my words literally when I'm literally telling you I mean them literally.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I want straight advice. I just only want it from people who can handle it when I don't necessarily agree with it. I can handle it all. I just might not agree. And that's fine with me. I don't think anyone has to agree. If I get labelled as being dismissive or not being able to handle constructive criticism when I don't agree with it then I'm not the one who has a problem with criticism or disagreement. It's highly ironic.

Y'know, I've given you unsolicited advice a few times, and you've waved it away with little consideration, and in one case last week, with a clear misunderstanding of what was being said. Whether or not you're actually dismissive is something that is inside you; I can only go by how you behave. And you do come across as dismissive.

That's fine; it costs me little to try and help anyone, so whether or not my advice is heeded is largely irrelevant to me. It's your circus and your monkeys, not mine. Handle your business.

[Mystical]

Do you recall how I responded to you in the last thread? It was cumpulsary reassurance, because you compelled me to reassure you, with the ultimatum of you leaving the forum. Plain and simple, that's how anyone reading that, would take that, and you yourself admitted you were seeking reassurances. Not saying that's wrong for you to do, and I do take into account the tenuous way you may feel about being part of these forums considering recent events that most of the forum aren't aware of.
What you see here though, is what you get. Personally I think you got a little carried away with EP and went into defense mode then felt ostracized in your mind when people called you on it or even just pointed it out! Hence the insecurities that led you to announce a possible departure. Absolutely yes put your emotions on the table if you feel compelled to! I myself like cleared air.
But please, dont tell others how they should or shouldn't feel about your extreme reaction to mundane occurances.

ShellB, Thumps, Nymphadora, Dierdre and others-- they have fair points. You also have a point in that you can take their care and advice or leave it. But here's what you should take into account--if no one cared, they wouldn't have said, anything. And by leaving their advice and telling them that they can't have those feelings/you're not responsibile for those feelings seems like a cop out. Saying you're probably leaving is serious to those who wouldnt want a world without Hammie! I personally believe that you need to respect the repurcussions that that may have on their/our  feelings. It's not just about your feelings. I can see C_L cares about you a lot. Lots of peoples feelings would be hurt if you left just because you thought you were unwanted. Because in my case you are very much cared for. 
You can't push your excessive needs for reassurances then expect someone not to feel compelled to want to give you advice on how not to feel as badly as you've demonstrated. Because--and don't take this the wrong way if you can, I say this out of love-- we're  all adults here and we aren't responsible for babysitting each other's feelings. Feel as you do, say how you feel, but don't be surprised when people who care get upset when you hold them emotionally hostage, and seek to help you free yourself from such extreme emotions. I mean, most rational adults aren't going to be as sensitive as you are about an online forum. Your disability and habits limit you to online interaction and due to this, it may make things difficult for you to uphold in the long run if you put the burden of your ups and downs on how you perceive you're being seen or treated by forum friends and internet strangers. I think you have compulsions that you need to recognize as being hurtful to your relations with others which are worse at some times than others, and seek another forum as a secondary safe place and not hedge all your bets on one so it isn't so pivotal in your phsyche to be in good standing constantly with everyone here. Thats a lot of pressure on a mind wired the way yours is! It's just never going to happen--people are going to dislike you the second you (or I, or anyone) open our mouths. We just gotta ride it out and in your case, fight your compulsions when they appear. If all you can do is direct them elsewhere, do it! This isn't a psych forum, don't expect everyone to understand you or know how to deal with you.

[*Deidre*]

What Luckie said. And it isn't that you are unwanted. It's that you feel you are unwanted. Those are two very different things. The latter comes from a place inside of you. The way you see yourself, is what is actually hurting you more, in my observation. Do you keep a journal? It can be helpful when you're feeling down, to write down what is triggering it. Don't let people have that much control over your feelings. If someone tells you how awesome you are, then you feel awesome? If someone tells you that you suck, then you must suck? That's a hard way to go through life. Anyways, hope my words help, I certainly don't mean to offend. I just think that you really need to hear this stuff right now, because it doesn't seem like isolated moments.