I am not a fool. I am a lot of things....naive, trusting, talkative, annoying, loving, devout, caring, ignorant, immature,stubborn, lustful...but never a fool. I know this world *sigh* is full of lots of different kinds of people...people who teach, people who listen, people who love,and those who hate, those that hold grudges a life time, while others let you walk all over them. The world is full of single moms who, though its never enough, do their best, and full of dead-beat dads, who don't give a shite about their sons. People are everywhere, and being a senior about to graduate, I don't know where I will fit in, perhaps nowhere, and maybe that's good, or bad, it is said that "the nail that sticks up, gets hammered down", well I say "bring on the hammer."
The thing I most cannot stand, is being rebuked for refusing to be force fed the crap most people gratefully hock down, another thing I hate, being avoided like the plague when someone finds out I am Christian, what's wrong with that?! It's not like I am gonna shove it down their throats. I hate it when I realize...."I can't" those two words force me to tears every time I think about them... for me, the most motivating phrase is "I can" I hate time, I hate it for being slow, for being fast, for just existing, for forcing me to grow up, when I would gladly spend eternity being a kid with my best friends, that's the hardest part of graduating .....knowing that I am no longer apart of their lives.. it's not like I think they are weak, but I WANT to be there ...for them, for me... I hate a lot of things...but love a lot of people, not like, but love. I want a lot of things in life... I want the authentic girl that no one knows well... one that drives me crazy and I cant tell u why... I want a friend that's there for me even when they have places they'd rather be... most of all, I want to spend eternity with my friends, they don't know this, but I live everyday to make them smile, it's all I am good for...aloud I trip over myself, am awkward, and all together uncoordinated....but here, on paper, I can make the words come out like they sound in my head, and those who read this can identify. I don't really belong with any particular group, I sometimes wish I did, but it seems my destiny to be alone... *sigh* being alone is a very very very lonely way to live,(but, HEY? I just got a girlfriend, and she is the best! I love u Abby Gaskins! [We broke up on the 3rd of September, so yeah, I'm alone again]) I want people to see me for who I am, I wish I were an open book, but I am labyrinth of many levels, and noone has me pegged, except God. My faith is strong, and my purpose is clear. That fucking shithead of a bastard satan will never drag me to hell.... my future is guaranteed, but my friends, they are another story.... I have on many occasion.... cried myself to sleep when I think of my friends, that if they died right now, I would...NEVER...EVER get to see them smile again, I treasure companionship, it is the elixir of life for which my thirst is unquenchable... I want so much, to MAKE my friends believe, cuz' I fear that on their own, they never will. To be powerless, to know that in a short time I will lose them all to time, to know I will be forgotten...and it's effortless, it makes life seem really vain... go ahead, say "what an emo", "cry me a river", "fuck God! he isnt real!" Life is full of people who make rash judgments, believe me I know, cuz I spent the last 14 years of my life living under a man who thought he knew everything, and knew nothing, 14 years trying to please the unpleasable.... I don't have to put up with him anymore (I moved out not long ago) and anything you can dish out is mediocre next to him.
L.eeland A.ndrew W.infree
The thing I most cannot stand, is being rebuked for refusing to be force fed the crap most people gratefully hock down, another thing I hate, being avoided like the plague when someone finds out I am Christian, what's wrong with that?! It's not like I am gonna shove it down their throats. I hate it when I realize...."I can't" those two words force me to tears every time I think about them... for me, the most motivating phrase is "I can" I hate time, I hate it for being slow, for being fast, for just existing, for forcing me to grow up, when I would gladly spend eternity being a kid with my best friends, that's the hardest part of graduating .....knowing that I am no longer apart of their lives.. it's not like I think they are weak, but I WANT to be there ...for them, for me... I hate a lot of things...but love a lot of people, not like, but love. I want a lot of things in life... I want the authentic girl that no one knows well... one that drives me crazy and I cant tell u why... I want a friend that's there for me even when they have places they'd rather be... most of all, I want to spend eternity with my friends, they don't know this, but I live everyday to make them smile, it's all I am good for...aloud I trip over myself, am awkward, and all together uncoordinated....but here, on paper, I can make the words come out like they sound in my head, and those who read this can identify. I don't really belong with any particular group, I sometimes wish I did, but it seems my destiny to be alone... *sigh* being alone is a very very very lonely way to live,(but, HEY? I just got a girlfriend, and she is the best! I love u Abby Gaskins! [We broke up on the 3rd of September, so yeah, I'm alone again]) I want people to see me for who I am, I wish I were an open book, but I am labyrinth of many levels, and noone has me pegged, except God. My faith is strong, and my purpose is clear. That fucking shithead of a bastard satan will never drag me to hell.... my future is guaranteed, but my friends, they are another story.... I have on many occasion.... cried myself to sleep when I think of my friends, that if they died right now, I would...NEVER...EVER get to see them smile again, I treasure companionship, it is the elixir of life for which my thirst is unquenchable... I want so much, to MAKE my friends believe, cuz' I fear that on their own, they never will. To be powerless, to know that in a short time I will lose them all to time, to know I will be forgotten...and it's effortless, it makes life seem really vain... go ahead, say "what an emo", "cry me a river", "fuck God! he isnt real!" Life is full of people who make rash judgments, believe me I know, cuz I spent the last 14 years of my life living under a man who thought he knew everything, and knew nothing, 14 years trying to please the unpleasable.... I don't have to put up with him anymore (I moved out not long ago) and anything you can dish out is mediocre next to him.
L.eeland A.ndrew W.infree
