Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: April 24, 2024, 10:07 pm

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
The empathy factor
#1
Brick 
The empathy factor
Didn't know what topic, so I posted in off topic.

I want to understand empathy better. So far I understand that it's like putting yourself in another person's shoes. I've noticed some people seem to have a more pronounced level of empathy (if levels are even a thing). I don't really know how it works, but this is my observation.

I have issues, as you have probably noticed lol. A big part of what affects my daily living and for what I'm going to therapy is that what others experience and feel affects me way too much. I had two cases today at work where I cried for them as soon as they left. I just want to fix it for them and I can only do so much. Really, just thinking of suffering in others triggers me. This is why I work in social services, because it's always in my head and I have to act on it. Then there's the personal level. I tend to put others first even when it's stupid to do so, because what if it hurts them? (Rolls eyes)

My five year old son didn't understand feelings before therapy. They (therapists, psychologists, etc) and I had to teach him what certain expressions mean, and how these can be triggered. The first time I saw him actually acknowledge that someone was crying, I felt like I won the lottery. He has learned to identify feelings in others. He has begun to express sympathy.

I see some people become less fragile to other people's feelings with experience in their work field. Someone told me today that I'll stop feeling it in time and just get used to seeing pain. I've been working in social work for a decade, though, and I don't see significant progress. I still feel it when I'm driving home. I still think about the children, the dying, the sick, when I'm in bed trying to sleep.

Is this empathy? Does it have another name? How do you control it and is it controllable? Heh. What does that even mean? I don't know. Like I said, I don't understand it (in a sciency level), but I want to. I think in my case it's obviously not healthy and I'd like to know more about it. How do people cope and why do some of us struggle with it?
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
Reply
#2
RE: The empathy factor
Mirror neurons.
Some have more active than others.

There is more to it than that. And yes, it can be learned to a certain extent, or controlled to acertain extent. I don't think you can control the initial reaction, ever. People who need to learn empathy will never spontaneously feel the way others do, they need to see the situation and think about what it means and how to apply what they have learned. Someone who has a great deal of empathy will always feel the pain of others, but you can learn to apply concious control of your reactions so you dont just burts into uncontrolled tears. You still feel it though, you just learn to temporarily mask it.

There is some neuroscience that backs this up, but don't have time to find a link right now.
“Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end?” 
― Tom StoppardRosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
Reply
#3
RE: The empathy factor
(June 7, 2017 at 3:19 pm)Aroura Wrote: Mirror neurons.
Some have more active than others.

There is more to it than that. And yes, it can be learned to a certain extent,  or controlled to acertain extent. I don't think you can control the initial reaction, ever. People who need to learn empathy will never spontaneously feel the way others do, they need to see the situation and think about what it means and how to apply what they have learned. Someone who has a great deal of empathy will always feel the pain of others, but you can learn to apply concious control of your reactions so you dont just burts into uncontrolled tears. You still feel it though, you just learn to temporarily mask it.

There is some neuroscience that backs this up, but don't have time to find a link right now.

Thank you so much for responding. I'll look up mirror neurons when I get home.
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
Reply
#4
RE: The empathy factor
Hi Jack.

I'll be blunt. You'll need to find a balance between your desire to help/fix others (and share their pain) and your own physical and mental well being. That balance point you'll have to figure out for yourself. I don't think you've found it yet. 

Star Trek S3/E12.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
Reply
#5
RE: The empathy factor
(June 7, 2017 at 3:51 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: Hi Jack.

I'll be blunt. You'll need to find a balance between your desire to help/fix others (and share their pain) and your own physical and mental well being. That balance point you'll have to figure out for yourself. I don't think you've found it yet. 

Star Trek S3/E12.

^^^

Help others, but don't needlessly harm yourself in the process.
Reply
#6
RE: The empathy factor
I have a family member with apparently no ability to empathize with others.

I can, and frequently do, but, I can turn it off . . . .
 The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it. 




Reply
#7
RE: The empathy factor
(June 7, 2017 at 3:51 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: Hi Jack.

I'll be blunt. You'll need to find a balance between your desire to help/fix others (and share their pain) and your own physical and mental well being. That balance point you'll have to figure out for yourself. I don't think you've found it yet. 

Star Trek S3/E12.

Well, that's what I'm aiming for. I know what my goal is, but I want a strategy. I'm thinking maybe if I learn the science behind it, I can use the knowledge to help myself. Heh makes sense to me.
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
Reply
#8
RE: The empathy factor
(June 7, 2017 at 4:14 pm)J a c k Wrote:
(June 7, 2017 at 3:51 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: Hi Jack.

I'll be blunt. You'll need to find a balance between your desire to help/fix others (and share their pain) and your own physical and mental well being. That balance point you'll have to figure out for yourself. I don't think you've found it yet. 

Star Trek S3/E12.

Well, that's what I'm aiming for. I know what my goal is, but I want a strategy. I'm thinking maybe if I learn the science behind it, I can use the knowledge to help myself. Heh makes sense to me.

I'm not sure there is any "science" to find, at least not what I consider science. What do you think that science might be?
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
Reply
#9
RE: The empathy factor
(June 7, 2017 at 4:14 pm)J a c k Wrote:
(June 7, 2017 at 3:51 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: Hi Jack.

I'll be blunt. You'll need to find a balance between your desire to help/fix others (and share their pain) and your own physical and mental well being. That balance point you'll have to figure out for yourself. I don't think you've found it yet. 

Star Trek S3/E12.

Well, that's what I'm aiming for. I know what my goal is, but I want a strategy. I'm thinking maybe if I learn the science behind it, I can use the knowledge to help myself. Heh makes sense to me.

It does make sense, and it can help, I think. For one thing, you might realize you arent odd, crazy, or "overly emotional". You probably just have an abundance of mirror neorons and a very active amygdala. You can limit your unnecessary exposure. If your job exposes you a great deal, you can tell yourself that you are mirroring what others experience, and it can help detatch you.

Good luck on your learning endeavor. Smile
“Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end?” 
― Tom StoppardRosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
Reply
#10
RE: The empathy factor
Jack - look into "distress tolerance". It may be helpful.
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Empathy Quotient Edwardo Piet 87 5943 May 25, 2018 at 7:00 am
Last Post: ignoramus



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)