The empathy factor

[J a c k]

Well, that's what I'm aiming for. I know what my goal is, but I want a strategy. I'm thinking maybe if I learn the science behind it, I can use the knowledge to help myself. Heh makes sense to me.

I'm not sure there is any "science" to find, at least not what I consider science. What do you think that science might be?

No science to find? Hmmm I can think of some. How about psychology? Neurology? Even biology? What about the science behind my medication? Behind the understanding of genes? I don't know, but it seems to me there are so many possibilities when you don't understand something. You start from scratch and find so many places to look. I'm open to them. I'm looking for something deeper that a simple "suck it up" instruction from a self help book. I want the why and how of it. I want to understand it. This isn't a habit to kill. It's something stronger than that.

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Well, that's what I'm aiming for. I know what my goal is, but I want a strategy. I'm thinking maybe if I learn the science behind it, I can use the knowledge to help myself. Heh makes sense to me.

It does make sense, and it can help, I think.  For one thing, you might realize you arent odd, crazy, or "overly emotional". You probably just have an abundance of mirror neorons and a very active amygdala. You can limit your unnecessary exposure. If your job exposes you a great deal, you can tell yourself that you are mirroring what others experience, and it can help detatch you.

Good luck on your learning endeavor.  

I found some interesting information thanks to your response. It's exactly the type of stuff I was looking for. For some reason, therapy isn't very effective yet. I have so many questions and all I get to talk about is feelings. It's fine, but I kind of want information on the physical part of it.
Now I have a lead. Thanks.

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Jack, as one social worker to another; you need to guard yourself.
To an extent, I know your strife. I too find it hard to shut off the balance between clients/work and your own life. It's why we are drawn to this kind of work as well as why it's difficult for us. It's not a surprise why, (at least in Belgian statistics,) so many social workers have burn-outs. It's an emotionally exhausting profession. You get critique from the higher ups, your colleagues, strangers and even your clients. You are always the middle-woman. You don't see the good case alll the way 'till the end to get that sense of accomplishment, only just far enough untill they don't need you. You however do see those stuck that you have to give it your all to just stop them from 'drowning'.

Can I ask you, how long have you been a social worker? I've been one for three years. It's only been a year since I've been able to seperate my own life from my work. The first two years were extremely draining. The third one is still, so far, but to a lesser extent.

Hello, one of my two fave newbies  
I've worked in the field for about a decade, but in this specific job a little more than 3 years. I can't imagine doing anything else, because I'm good at this. I love helping people even though it's painful sometimes. I did have to leave my last job. It was too much for me. The cases I had were too raw and my little one needed me more than ever at the time. This job is more balanced, but I still get cases that feel like needles to the heart. Anywho... high five, fellow social worker.

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Fuckin internet strikes again.

Belgian Social Worker, meet Taco Hottie, share your best practices and hot tips.

Jack, I am afflicted with the super empathy too. The only thing I can do is to list all of the things that I can realistically do to help whoever it is. If I am actually doing that, then I am able to reason my way out of taking too much on board. As you know, sometimes I fail.

I've learned that you're just a big soft teddy bear with armor of steel. Such a softy inside    

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With some swag.

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^^^ enjoy that. I won't admit that again!

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Paraphrasing a study I read recently: Empathy is overrated!

 I have been a nurse for 25 years. Feeling others pain is too burdensome. Too much pain in the world. What proves successful in the long run is a passion for caring for others. That passion is what gets you through emergincies, tragedies, "complicated or toxic" people, burnout, stress, financial deficiencies and lack of benefits, bosses, etc. 

Also, It is good to remain objective at times and empathy can cloud your focus. Take, for instance,  performing CPR in front of hysterical loved ones. Caring is better. Empathy can be helpful later, in times of reflection.

That's why I want to learn what causes excess levels of empathy, so I can learn to live better. I understand what too much of it can do negatively, but I want to understand why it happens in the first place.

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I think I have been pretty reasonable in my quest for enlightenment in this subject so far. I've gone to therapy. I excepted medication. I've analyzed my triggers, reactions, behavior, past, etc. I've tried just sucking it up. Thing is that I feel it's more complex than that. I see it in myself and my son.

Say my car doesn't start in the morning. Say I know it's because the battery died. I get a new battery, but it happens again every day for three days. I know the battery dies. I know I need to have a good battery. I know my car can't run without it. What is causing it to die on me every day? If I can find out what causes it, I might be able to prevent another dead battery.

Hope I made more sense lol

And thanks everyone! I'm thankful for your responses.

[brewer]

I'm not sure there is any "science" to find, at least not what I consider science. What do you think that science might be?

No science to find? Hmmm I can think of some. How about psychology? Neurology? Even biology? What about the science behind my medication? Behind the understanding of genes? I don't know, but it seems to me there are so many possibilities when you don't understand something. You start from scratch and find so many places to look. I'm open to them. I'm looking for something deeper that a simple "suck it up" instruction from a self help book. I want the why and how of it. I want to understand it. This isn't a habit to kill. It's something stronger than that.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/art...2816303321

http://ir.uiowa.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?...ontext=etd

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ventromedi...tal_cortex

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3999437/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2729461/

Unfortunately there are more studies looking at lack of empathy than hyper empathy.

[J a c k]

No science to find? Hmmm I can think of some. How about psychology? Neurology? Even biology? What about the science behind my medication? Behind the understanding of genes? I don't know, but it seems to me there are so many possibilities when you don't understand something. You start from scratch and find so many places to look. I'm open to them. I'm looking for something deeper that a simple "suck it up" instruction from a self help book. I want the why and how of it. I want to understand it. This isn't a habit to kill. It's something stronger than that.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/art...2816303321

http://ir.uiowa.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?...ontext=etd

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ventromedi...tal_cortex

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3999437/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2729461/

Unfortunately there are more studies looking at lack of empathy than hyper empathy.

Awwww thank you, Brewer.
I'll check it out after work.

[brewer]

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/art...2816303321

http://ir.uiowa.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?...ontext=etd

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ventromedi...tal_cortex

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3999437/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2729461/

Unfortunately there are more studies looking at lack of empathy than hyper empathy.

Awwww thank you, Brewer.  
I'll check it out after work.

If you can get through and absorb this in one night you're a better man than I am.

[Whateverist]

Sometimes I can be highly emotional and empathetic, and then one minute later I will be a total misanthrope.

Try letting the highly emotional and empathetic you get more air time here while the misanthrope part shuts to hell up.  Just a suggestion.  

*ducks a well aimed shoe*

[Mr.Obvious]

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Jack, as one social worker to another; you need to guard yourself.
To an extent, I know your strife. I too find it hard to shut off the balance between clients/work and your own life. It's why we are drawn to this kind of work as well as why it's difficult for us. It's not a surprise why, (at least in Belgian statistics,) so many social workers have burn-outs. It's an emotionally exhausting profession. You get critique from the higher ups, your colleagues, strangers and even your clients. You are always the middle-woman. You don't see the good case alll the way 'till the end to get that sense of accomplishment, only just far enough untill they don't need you. You however do see those stuck that you have to give it your all to just stop them from 'drowning'.

Can I ask you, how long have you been a social worker? I've been one for three years. It's only been a year since I've been able to seperate my own life from my work. The first two years were extremely draining. The third one is still, so far, but to a lesser extent.

Hello, one of my two fave newbies  
I've worked in the field for about a decade, but in this specific job a little more than 3 years. I can't imagine doing anything else, because I'm good at this. I love helping people even though it's painful sometimes. I did have to leave my last job. It was too much for me. The cases I had were too raw and my little one needed me more than ever at the time. This job is more balanced, but I still get cases that feel like needles to the heart. Anywho... high five, fellow social worker.

[paulpablo]

When I was very young I exhibited traits of empathy more than the standard young person. I'd worry about the pain of ANY living thing, from tiny insects to chickens.

 But I found that beyond the teenage years that will get hugely taken advantage of, especially when you're forced to mix with a fair few people who have psychotic tendencies of bullying, stealing, animal cruelty and so on.

I have no advice to give because I have 0 levels of practice or experience in being around people who are vulnerable like that, or having to care for them.

If the goal is to take your mind off things and to help you sleep better then I personally just put some comedy on youtube while I go to sleep or just before.  That kind of advice probably isn't going to change your life but it's what I do.

[ignoramus]

Literally millions of dollars have been given away to "penpals" by scrupulous individuals with a hard luck story.
They take advantage of peoples empathy.

If only this world was as caring, genuine and unselfish as you.
Sadly, it's not.

(If only I had 1,000 dollars for that urgently needed hip operation) Did I mention that I'm in severe pain! SEVERE I TELL YOU!