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dysfunctual greeting cards
October 9, 2010 at 9:06 am
(This post was last modified: October 9, 2010 at 9:07 am by Dotard.)
Me and some family were sitting around making up greeting card messages for dysfunctional families.
We were laughing our asses off and I thought maybe some of you here could come up with some good 1 or 2 liners.
Example;
(Front of card) I've always hoped (prayed) for someone to come into my life to love and hold. Now that you've came into my life......
(Inside card) I've changed my mind.
(Front) Congradulations on your wedding!! We all got together and decided......
(Inside) ... no one likes your husband.
Like that. Contributions please.
I used to tell a lot of religious jokes. Not any more, I'm a registered sects offender.
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...the least christian thing a person can do is to become a christian. ~Chuck
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NO MA'AM
![[Image: attemptingtogiveadamnc.gif]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=img824.imageshack.us%2Fimg824%2F7042%2Fattemptingtogiveadamnc.gif)
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RE: dysfunctual greeting cards
October 9, 2010 at 9:22 am
Some of my personal favourites....when Hallmark writers have a bad day....
My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
~~~~~
Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
~~~~~~
Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
~~~~~
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
~~~~~
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
~~~~~~
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
~~~~~~
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements: energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest." G'Kar-B5
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RE: dysfunctual greeting cards
October 9, 2010 at 11:00 am
Roses are red... oh, never mind,
Since it turns out
That you'll soon be blind!
Happy cataracts!
~~~~~
To a very special grandson...
(Inside)... is 'special' the politically correct term for your condition?
~~~~~
So you're having an abortion...
~~~~~
Every day that we're together,
With all the things we've done,
I feel I love you more and more,
I feel like we are one.
(Inside) Happy birthday,
to my Siamese twin.
~~~~~
To my Valentine,
You're so special to me,
You make me feel so fine,
That I just want to tell you...
(Inside)... that I'm HIV positive.
'We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.' H.L. Mencken
'False religion' is the ultimate tautology.
'It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.' Mark Twain
'I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.' Abraham Lincoln
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RE: dysfunctual greeting cards
October 10, 2010 at 9:47 am
The thumping tire one with the cat made me fall out of my chair. Hilarious!
I used to tell a lot of religious jokes. Not any more, I'm a registered sects offender.
---------------
...the least christian thing a person can do is to become a christian. ~Chuck
---------------
NO MA'AM
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RE: dysfunctual greeting cards
October 10, 2010 at 9:51 am
Roses are red
violets are bluish
Your having your knob cut
so you can be jewish
You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.
Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.
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RE: dysfunctual greeting cards
December 16, 2011 at 5:30 pm
As my point of view Funny you should mention. DPK is spinnwebe said today ,a Bible picture book may be a good new subtitle,function. If God is not angry enough to help us with the SPINN tarnished
Family Circus, and life itself.
