time for you to become a Muslim. accept it

[I_am_not_mafia]

This is in lieu of my introduction post in which I stated I have to convert 7 of you into Islam in order for our mosque imam to let me marry his daughter at a discount dowry .  I will start by teaching you about the quran.pay attention. I don't wanna have to repeat myself . don't upset me .

Please be specific on how we can upset you. Is it just by getting you to repeat yourself or are there other ways? Of course I'm only enquiring so I know what to avoid doing.

Excuse me I have to go to the bathroom . please wait for me . I shall return . prepare yourself to become a Muslim in the meantime.

OK. I shall lube myself while you are being inspired by the process of defecation.

[Cyberman]

See this?       



                                                                                                        .



That's a picture of Muhammad!

It's also a picture of the shits I have to give the OP.

[brewer]

Come on. You don't want this poor boy to have to pay more than 10 camels do you? 

Youwait, what will you or your imam consider proof of conversion?

[Ben Davis]

The Quran

---

This is in lieu of my introduction post in which I stated I have to convert 7 of you into Islam in order for our mosque imam to let me marry his daughter at a discount dowry .  I will start by teaching you about the quran.pay attention. I don't wanna have to repeat myself . don't upset me .

 The quran is uncreated and on resurrection day it will become flesh like unto pale man and argue with Allah in defense of Muslim if Allah   has half mind about sticking them in hell . Moreover two suras( Chapter in syraic) will become a cloud and a shade respectively . the air is fresh and sweet . Praise be to Allah

Before I teach you about the Quran we need to pick a Quran from the many versions out there . then we’re going to pick a translation that can effectively bridge   language and  cultural barriers from present to as far back as 14 centuries ago without driving you nuts . .

 Now , there’re ten versions of the Quran from which ten  other  versions were concocted . To be fair  though  there’re more than fifty versions and   they all differ from one another . Praise be to Allah the bountiful and creator  of the seven skies  and mucho qurans . but since you’re not Muslims  I’m not going to burden you with all those Qurans . your minds might not be amiable to contradictions . I will pick just  one from them . It’s called Othman quran .  why ? allow me to explain.

Othman was one of the so called companion of Qathem Ibn Abed AL Lat ( Mohammed ) and the third Caliph . Othman was butchered on account of accusations of tampering with this very quran named after him. He was refused burial in Muslim symmetry and was buried in a Jewish symmetry according to the Islamic narrative . so either he was Jewish or there were no Jews extant  to object to him getting buried in their cemetery . don't think about that . just forget about it .

 Othman Quran is used in the majority of Muslim countries .most of them but not all of them .best not to get caught with one in Morocco.  in Morocco at a  book exhibition it was ordered removed .

. Othman version was like  the first version to be printed which was in 1694  in Germany. there some translations before that but lets just say this was commercial deal. The Ottomans initially rejected  the idea of printed Qurans but changed their minds later  . you will be right to say that  printing and Ottoman expansion was behind it. It became wide spread in the last two centuries .800 years preceding that other Quran versions reigned . Othman version is used by Turkey who has sent close to a thousand clerics to man mosques in Germany were islamization efforts are in full swing coupled with anti assimilation efforts .Praise be to Allah the islamizer and ant assimilator

its called Othman Quran but its not Othman Quran, not according to Islamic historical narrative . better get used to that from now . names that are the names . what happened and according to the islamic narrative , Othman collected all the different versions of the quran and burned them except for this one . so that’s why they call it Othman quran . Mind you the oldest copy extant , what they have at the museum is a copy of copy of alleged Othman quran and that copy has pages missing . but its Othman quran and you better not argue with me about . okay . don't upset me . just be nice okay > i want to get married .

Listen this business of burning books and stuff is just a ploy by Allah the most merciful and beneficent , the destroyer .  What Othman burned were a whole load of Syriac  and Aramaic manuscripts that Qathem Ibn Abed Lat (pBuh)  had hidden .

Back to what I was saying . Turn to the back page of Othman quran and it says   this quran is according to the narration of Hafs Ibn Suliman , who took it form the narration of Asim Ibn Najood who in turn took it from Abi Abed Al Rahman who in turn took his narration from a group of four who are : Othman, Ali Ibn  Abi Talib , Zayd Ibn Thabit and Obey Ibn Kaab” , who in turn took their directly from Mr. Qathem Ibn Abed AL Lat .

So from this you can say the Quran was transmission deal no different from so called haddith . secondly that group of four person were not who Qathem said to take the quran from except for Obey Ibn Kaab .But Abed AL Rhaman said he didn’t take his from Obey but rather Ali Ibn Abi Talib.

So Othman quran is credited to Othman who did not narrate it and the series of transmitters  originate with someone who Qathem (pBuH) did not direct to take the quran from .

 This how Allah confounds the minds of kafirs and infidels , praise be to him
Excuse me I have to go to the bathroom . please wait for me . I shall return . prepare yourself to become a Muslim in the meantime.

---

TL;DR, if u worship my God, I gets teh gurlz

[Longhorn]

Not convincing. The punctuaction in your other thread was good, but 'I've', 'in lieu' and 'discount dowry' killed the vibe. 9/12 would troll again

[Youwait]

I’m sorry I don’t measure according to  myths or age of text . I do paradigm and foci and in those respects islam and Christianity  and Judaism are three totally different religions. But by all means open a post and show me how this business of   old, myths and ignore work . use argument  . it would help . start with telling me how do people  become  Muslim and then talk to me about the wisdom in ignoring the quran . .

No proof of conversion needed in Islam . Much easier  than joining a gang . All  you have to do is say the sheehada . Then we give you a piece of the loot and the women . I get the prettier women though because  I’m the desert Arab. I’m the Caliph . for a better deal you have to wait till you get to  paradise, women, booze and drugs all you want . and you get sexual prowess of hundred . you be walking all day with an erection.Praise be to allah

regarding my English , its third language for me . no excuses of course , but say or write something in arabic  and I’ll probably laugh so hard and fall of the chair .if I said something not clear by all means let me know and I will try to resolve the problem


Delightful responses and demonstrates your impressive  knowledge of the quran and islam. I  feel privileged to be here  my beloved atheists  .


Now back to the topic. Just a little bit to finish the Othman quran the most common quran used in the majority of Muslims countries .tahts why I picked it .

Hafs Ibn Suliman who is credited with Othman Quran is described by recognized and highly esteemed Muslim historian and scholars as a Liar and as someone who injects new material into texts . secondly the narration from who Hafs made  his narration  is Asim Ibn AL nojood who is described by same historian and scholars as having a seriously weak  retention issues  and suffers from delusions . so Hafs is a liar and Asim is delusional   
  I move on because I see someone here is already yawning .such scholars .

Now for translation , just about all translations of the quran are fraudulent and corrupt and specially those handed out freely by wealthy Gulf States . what you need is a quran with the right translation for a westerner . this is now available . it goes verse by verse explaining  and identifying the grammar and comprehension errors, missing words and sentences, contradictions, meaningless nonsense ,  foreign words want have you in terms of textual analysis.   Add to that it points out the sources of the verses leading to the result of 80 % of the qura traced to Jewsih sources and 10 % to Christian sources .

There you’re now . all you have to do is flip the pages to the relevant verses and you become a scholar yourself and you can make arguments and debate as opposed to posting pictures that are neither here or there .

This quran is available at Amazon.com


https://www.amazon.com/Koran-translation...1534767657
There is an Arabic version for free you can download here

http://www.sami-aldeeb.com/articles/view.php?id=315


It has be offered for free in Arabic  because such stuff is banned in Muslim majority countries .
Okay I think I have done a good in trying to convert you to islam .

I'm just a poor boy whose intentions are good o lord . practicing my singing on you now .

[Alex K]

Not convincing. The punctuaction in your other thread was good, but 'I've', 'in lieu' and 'discount dowry' killed the vibe. 9/12 would troll again

Heleeeerr! Howdydo?

[brewer]

[edit]

All  you have to do is say the sheehada . 

[edit]

Asim Ibn AL nojood who is described by same historian and scholars as having a seriously weak  retention issues  

[edit]

What do I say to him/her? : https://www.facebook.com/pg/Sheehada-Kne...e_internal

Like bladder and bowel retention issues?

[Wyrd of Gawd]

Youwait,

Thanks for sharing. You've made some interesting points.

[Losty]

Haha love this guy!