Is this homophobic?

[BrokenQuill92]

No it's not homophobic, I've actually always thought that on some level that being in closet is selfish. I'd rather a person be openly themselves then to pretend for years they're something they're not, and bring pain to other people by keeping up the pretense for so long. While I understand the concerns go physical safety and financial security I don't think it's right use other people. And by getting married to woman and having kids with her the gay guy is super selfish. Hiding behind a woman and the children she bore him is not right. I'm not saying the guy has to wave the rainbow outside his house or anything but man up.

What if you think, or hope, that it's something you can change? What if you've heard from every direction your whole life that that's the right thing to do because to feel or do otherwise is filthy or wicked or worse? If that's the message being hammered into your head, it's sometimes going to take root like with other types of indoctrination. I'm not saying my friend in particular ever had that level of dissonance in his mind, in fact I'm fairly sure he never believed any of that for a minute, but that's not the case with a lot of gay people, so I wouldn't make that kind of generalization. Yes, there's no way for anyone involved in a situation like that not to hurt or suffer in some way, and no one should be made to want that, but that doesn't mean it's all bad. My friend helped his wife to raise her boys (his stepsons, not his actual biological children, so he wasn't one of the sort you mention) where she would have otherwise had nobody to help and little financial support. His heart was in the right place. He's also an older guy (almost twice my age and I'm in my early thirties) so I assume the stigma against that sort of thing was far more severe back in the day, which probably helped motivate him to keep it to himself in spite of the consequences. If he'd grown up around the same era as me I don't think he would have made the same choice but that's just how times change.

So maybe it's not comparable to having a gun held to their head if they dare come out, but that kind of mental abuse can make someone feel like there is one. In the worst cases they're made to feel like they are their own worst enemy while simultaneously thinking that everyone else is also their worst enemy (and mortal enemies at that). They're not taught that it's perfectly fine to do that in order to hurt others, it's out of fear and desperation and false hope. Not like the religions that teach people it's perfectly fine to cast scorn and shame and violence against someone for their fucking nature.

As a bisexual you think I don't know? Oh god no, people are calling you evil, and telling you to pick a side? News flash the world isn't nice us non heteros in or out of the closet. But at least I'm honest.

[The Industrial Atheist]

I'm not sure but I'm leaning towards not. It seems kind of assholish, though.

[Jesster]

Even though there is a sea of homophobia in today's politics, this comment is not homophobic. They were just being a standard asshat.

[Astonished]

What if you think, or hope, that it's something you can change? What if you've heard from every direction your whole life that that's the right thing to do because to feel or do otherwise is filthy or wicked or worse? If that's the message being hammered into your head, it's sometimes going to take root like with other types of indoctrination. I'm not saying my friend in particular ever had that level of dissonance in his mind, in fact I'm fairly sure he never believed any of that for a minute, but that's not the case with a lot of gay people, so I wouldn't make that kind of generalization. Yes, there's no way for anyone involved in a situation like that not to hurt or suffer in some way, and no one should be made to want that, but that doesn't mean it's all bad. My friend helped his wife to raise her boys (his stepsons, not his actual biological children, so he wasn't one of the sort you mention) where she would have otherwise had nobody to help and little financial support. His heart was in the right place. He's also an older guy (almost twice my age and I'm in my early thirties) so I assume the stigma against that sort of thing was far more severe back in the day, which probably helped motivate him to keep it to himself in spite of the consequences. If he'd grown up around the same era as me I don't think he would have made the same choice but that's just how times change.

So maybe it's not comparable to having a gun held to their head if they dare come out, but that kind of mental abuse can make someone feel like there is one. In the worst cases they're made to feel like they are their own worst enemy while simultaneously thinking that everyone else is also their worst enemy (and mortal enemies at that). They're not taught that it's perfectly fine to do that in order to hurt others, it's out of fear and desperation and false hope. Not like the religions that teach people it's perfectly fine to cast scorn and shame and violence against someone for their fucking nature.

As a bisexual you think I don't know? Oh god no, people are calling you evil, and telling you to pick a side? News flash the world isn't nice us non heteros in or out of the closet. But at least I'm honest.

Certainly didn't come across that way, at all. More like a sympathizer to the other side. Or someone with battered spouse mentality. Just being honest, that's the vibe I got.

[Losty]

I voted no. I don't see how this is any different than saying Person B's mom should have had an abortion (which people on the internet also say a lot). Mean but not homophobic.

[Astonished]

I voted no. I don't see how this is any different than saying Person B's mom should have had an abortion (which people on the internet also say a lot). Mean but not homophobic.

I don't see why they couldn't have just said it like that then, or the blowjob joke. Or would either of those be construed as sexist?

[Losty]

I voted no. I don't see how this is any different than saying Person B's mom should have had an abortion (which people on the internet also say a lot). Mean but not homophobic.

I don't see why they couldn't have just said it like that then, or the blowjob joke. Or would either of those be construed as sexist?

Doesn't really matter. They said it how they said it. It was rude but there was nothing in it that was disparaging homosexuality. "I wish your dad would have embraced his gayness before he had a chance to create you". Not anti homosexual at all.

Also saying I wish your mom would have given your dad a blowjob instead or I wish your mom would have had an abortion isn't sexist at all either. Rude sure but not sexist.

[Astonished]

Boy, I must know only extremely over-sensitive people because that's exactly how they all react to things like that.

[bennyboy]

A double-barbed attack. Kind of a dick move, but clearly not homophobic.

The reaction should be: "I'm proud of my Dad, and how dare you?!" (You know, work it for political gain)

[paulpablo]

I reacted by laughing.

I thought it was funny but I think it might be because I was caught off guard by a silly insult in the context of a serious accusation of homophobia.  It's not hilarious but does work as a joke.

I don't know if it's in poor taste, maybe. 

I don't think it's homophobic in and of itself because it's not prejudice towards homosexuals or necesserily showing a dislike of homosexuals.  The person making the comment could very well be a gay man.