Obviously Ostrich...

[Joods]

• Unsharpened pencils are pointless. 
  
• Every 60 seconds in Africa, one minute passes by. 
  
• Miley Cyrus and Hanna Montana were the same people. 
  
• If you take your age and subtract five, that's how old you were five years ago. 
  
• Baby oil isn't actually made from babies. 
  
• If you close your eyes for three seconds, you will have spent the last three seconds of your life with your eyes closed. 
  
• If you die,  you can't eat ice cream anymore. 
  
• The human body contains enough bones to make up a human skeleton. 
  
• You were born on your birthday. 
  
• No matter where you go, you will always be where you are. 
  
• Don't set your house on fire. 
  
• Dead people don't make good dance partners. 
  
• If you have two pens and your friend Mike has four pens, then you have at least one friend. 
  
• The dinosaurs seen in the movie Jurassic World, are not real. 
  
• Most people tend to eat breakfast before they eat dinner. 
  
• The letter "t" does not appear in the word cucumber.
  
• It is not 2011 anymore. 
  
• Babies are not dishwasher safe. 
  
• The Milky Way galaxy is not actually made of milk. 
  
• Bananas cannot legally drive vehicles in the United States. 
  
• Ketchup does not have a gender. 
  
• Goldfish are not made of gold. 
  
• Running faster than everyone else can help you win a race. 
  
• Using "airplane mode" does not turn your phone into an airplane. 
  
• Disneyland is much more fun than jail. 
  
• Rock are not made of toothpaste. 
  
• If you fill a bottle of water, take it into a dark room and pour the water on the floor, you've just wasted your time. 
  
• Unlike humans, dogs generally have four legs. 
  
• Many people were born as babies. 
  
• Fish are really good swimmers. 
  
• When someone is lying to you, they're not telling you the truth. 
  
• Triangles and squares are not the same shape. 
  
• If you are allergic to peanuts, you shouldn't eat peanuts. 
  
• Eating magnets won't make you attractive. 
  
• If you jump in a pool, you will probably get wet. 
  
• You can sky dive without a parachute. But only once. 
  
• Shorts are like pants, but shorter. 
  
• Bottled water contains water. 
  
• Cats and children should not be kept in the refrigerator. 
  
• It's easier to text with a cellphone than it is with a carrot. 
  
• Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays, live longer. 
  
• Trees don't have kidneys. 
  
• Oceans are full of water. 
  

[Anomalocaris]

• Unsharpened pencils are pointless. 
  
• Every 60 seconds in Africa, one minute passes by. 
  
• Miley Cyrus and Hanna Montana were the same people. 
  
• If you take your age and subtract five, that's how old you were five years ago. 
  
• Baby oil isn't actually made from babies. 
  
• If you close your eyes for three seconds, you will have spent the last three seconds of your life with your eyes closed. 
  
• If you die,  you can't eat ice cream anymore. 
  
• The human body contains enough bones to make up a human skeleton. 
  
• You were born on your birthday. 
  
• No matter where you go, you will always be where you are. 
  
• Don't set your house on fire. 
  
• Dead people don't make good dance partners. 
  
• If you have two pens and your friend Mike has four pens, then you have at least one friend. 
  
• The dinosaurs seen in the movie Jurassic World, are not real. 
  
• Most people tend to eat breakfast before they eat dinner. 
  
• The letter "t" does not appear in the word cucumber.
  
• It is not 2011 anymore. 
  
• Babies are not dishwasher safe. 
  
• The Milky Way galaxy is not actually made of milk. 
  
• Bananas cannot legally drive vehicles in the United States. 
  
• Ketchup does not have a gender. 
  
• Goldfish are not made of gold. 
  
• Running faster than everyone else can help you win a race. 
  
• Using "airplane mode" does not turn your phone into an airplane. 
  
• Disneyland is much more fun than jail. 
  
• Rock are not made of toothpaste. 
  
• If you fill a bottle of water, take it into a dark room and pour the water on the floor, you've just wasted your time. 
  
• Unlike humans, dogs generally have four legs. 
  
• Many people were born as babies. 
  
• Fish are really good swimmers. 
  
• When someone is lying to you, they're not telling you the truth. 
  
• Triangles and squares are not the same shape. 
  
• If you are allergic to peanuts, you shouldn't eat peanuts. 
  
• Eating magnets won't make you attractive. 
  
• If you jump in a pool, you will probably get wet. 
  
• You can sky dive without a parachute. But only once. 
  
• Shorts are like pants, but shorter. 
  
• Bottled water contains water. 
  
• Cats and children should not be kept in the refrigerator. 
  
• It's easier to text with a cellphone than it is with a carrot. 
  
• Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays, live longer. 
  
• Trees don't have kidneys. 
  
• Oceans are full of water. 
  

You time is not money.

[The Valkyrie]

Man who live in glass house need many curtains

[Succubus]

Why is my name; Two dogs fucking?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Baby oil isn't actually made from babies. 

I can't begin to tell you how much this one disappoints me.

Boru

[Edwardo Piet]

[*]Unsharpened pencils are pointless. 

Reminds me of:

[Little lunch]

I don't understand the one about cucumbert.

[Jackalope]

I don't understand the one about cucumbert.

It's a useless statement that is trivially true like the rest, I think.

[Minimalist]

Babies are not dishwasher safe.

I demand scientific proof through repeated experimentation.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Ye right hand knowth not what thy left hand doeth. Ye right hand hath not checked its email.