Deidre's Ramblings

[*Deidre*]

Saturday, May 12

So, I probably will be a bit all over the place with this journal, sharing bits and pieces of my life, and possibly asking for advice from time to time. Maybe sharing pics or recipes. Reflections, sometimes spiritual, sometimes not. You never know. 

I've been on a roughly five year journey from faith to atheism to agnosticism to Buddhism to faith again, and this time, it feels different. I think I'm tired of telling the story to be honest. lol But, I sometimes still share it when asked, because I want people to know, that if you struggle with faith and/or leaving faith behind, you're not alone. For some, there's no struggle, but for others, for various reasons...there can be. It doesn't make you less than, inferior or strange. It just means we're all different.

Sometimes, we feel that our lives are so small, that we simply can't touch another. Can't affect another. But, we can. I've learned so much from this site, and even though I may take breaks on occasion, I always come back. 

If I've come back to believing in God, why do I return here? Because this site means something. Not only to atheists. It has helped me to understand atheism. To understand myself. And, I've made some e-friends along the way. 

When you grow up in faith, indoctrinated for want of a better word, you don't really question anything outside of that faith. Or you might think you do, but you really don't. You might not be equipped to, or perhaps fear to question when doubt sets in. But, not until I identified as an atheist, did I understand atheists. Did I question what my religion was even telling me. It's been a good thing for me, even though, moments can be dark when you're trying to process your place in the world, when you depart from belief. 

Sometimes, we wish we could go back and change something, when we were at our most uncomfortable level. We don't like to feel the struggle, or feel pain. Who does? But, that discomfort might be necessary to push you forward. To shape you. To make you ...better. I want to believe that it all did.

Okay, I'm channeling Maya Angelou, now

Until next time.......




**A huge thank you to Tiberius and staff , who created this subforum. Pretty cool that AF has a suggestion section for its members, that is taken seriously. I appreciate the consideration, so thank you!** 

[J a c k]

I thought I commented earlier. Guess I didn’t.

Thank you for sharing, Deidre! It’s great to have you around again and this time you’ve stayed longer. Here. Have a bro hug.   Love ya, guuuuuurl.

I’ll be reading your stuff for sure.

[robvalue]

It's lovely to have a kind, thoughtful theist like yourself here. You're one of the few I don't have on ignore!

I wish you all the best with your journey, wherever it leads you

[brewer]

Don't think for one moment that we're done with you yet young lady. We'll get you my pretty, and your false idol too.

BWA FUCKIN HAHAHA. 

Deconvert yet? No? Shit! That's all I got.

[ignoramus]

[REDACTED DUE TO THREAD BLOG DERAILMENT PROTOCOLS IN PLACE. MH TO BE FINED $3.50]

[*Deidre*]

I thought I commented earlier. Guess I didn’t.

Thank you for sharing, Deidre! It’s great to have you around again and this time you’ve stayed longer. Here. Have a bro hug.   Love ya, guuuuuurl.

I’ll be reading your stuff for sure.

Thank you, you're the best! I'm glad to be back, and there were never any bad reasons why I had left, like I read sometimes in the ''departed'' thread.    I hope you choose to post a journal too, because I love reading about your life. Have a great day, chick! 

It's lovely to have a kind, thoughtful theist like yourself here. You're one of the few I don't have on ignore!

I wish you all the best with your journey, wherever it leads you

Aww, thank you! I forget there is an ignore feature here. lol 

Don't think for one moment that we're done with you yet young lady. We'll get you my pretty, and your false idol too.

BWA FUCKIN HAHAHA. 

Deconvert yet? No? Shit! That's all I got.

haha Well, I did do it before so........ 

[REDACTED DUE TO THREAD BLOG DERAILMENT PROTOCOLS IN PLACE. MH TO BE FINED $3.50]

haha You know, just do you. Within reason. 

---

Saturday morning May 12th...

Dear journal;

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I need to find the perfect gift for my mom, today. My parents are pretty wealthy, so what do you buy for someone who seems to have everything? Hmm. Maybe spending time with her, more time with her, that's what she'd like. She would probably want me to attend Catholic mass with her tomorrow, but I'm afraid that won't happen. I indulge my parents now and again, and go to church with them on holidays, but it's not something that I can see myself doing tomorrow.

We are planning to see my husband's mom tomorrow, as well. It's weird how things change when you get married. You go from only concerning yourself with yourself, and your own life, to needing to look out for someone else and their interests. To be a good wife, what does this mean, I wonder? I married an amazingly down to earth guy, who always seems to put me first. In turn, I try to do the same, but sometimes, without thinking, I don't always consider his feelings or input on something. It's a work in progress, and marriage/relationships can often times reveal things about yourself, that you didn't really think much about. And sometimes, I don't always like what I see in me. A selfishness that I wish wasn't there. It doesn't feel purposeful, and maybe we're all a little selfish.

I think being a good spouse varies for different people, but there's definitely sacrifice involved. You don't always get your own way, and that's not such a bad thing. Becoming a partnership with equity and respect, is what we strive for in our relationship. The awesome thing is, I was friends with him before we started dating. So, we have a special trust built, and to me, that's the crux of a good relationship. Of course, hot sex and chemistry is important, but without trust...without mutual equity, you don't have much. I don't want to ever turn into a couple that remains together, just because. I pray we always keep striving to be better for each other. However that looks.

I want to be a good wife... a great wife. He deserves that.

[*Deidre*]

So, I found my mother a beautiful crystal necklace. She’s a Catholic but into crystals lol She has built a superstition around wearing them. And, bought her some unusual organic treats from one of her fave stores in the area. She always says don’t get her anything but I just like to.

Now, chillin’ with an espresso w/almond milk. Mmmm Sitting outside and listening to the birds incessantly chirping... like is this how we sound to them?

I wish I knew what they’re saying. Two birds are soaring up above, high into the sky and if I were to be given a super power, it’d be to fly. Fly above it all and no one could catch me.

[*Deidre*]

Sunday, May 13

Some thoughts on meditation, mindfulness and being happy with less


Growing up in wealth, much was handed to me. I'm grateful to my parents for always being there to catch me, financially.  But, in some ways, it left me feeling a little insecure and inept at handling money on my own. In turn, I'm definitely the spender in my relationship with my husband. It's amazing how impactful your childhood is on you, when it comes to how your parents handled money.

I'd much rather spend than save, but I'm really trying to live a minimalist lifestyle. There's something really awesome to me about being happy with less. With needing less, and simply not mistaking wants as needs. We're all bombarded with messages whether it's on Facebook, or other forms of social media, that you must be ''this'' or have ''that,'' in order to be complete. Most of us may not fall prey to it, but if I'm honest, I sometimes crave the idea of ''more.'' But, more doesn't make you happy or at peace. If anything, the tireless quest for more things...will only leave you continuously wanting. I've found that to be true, anyways.

I'm into a fitness lifestyle, I really enjoy cross fit, hiking and yoga. I've incorporated meditation into yoga, and in my quiet moments, I try to be mindful. (This isn't a necessity within yoga, but I like blending the two) I try to block out the competing voices of the world, telling me that I'm not enough unless I do this, or acquire that. When I first started meditating, it was hard. It took a few weeks for me to settle my mind, but once it all started to click, the flow became real. Ten minutes of meditation led to 20 minutes...to now, I might meditate for 45 minutes at a time. It sounds like a lot, but there's a Zen proverb that I like that helps with this ''If you don't have time to meditate for one hour every day, meditate for two hours.''

How you spend your time and money honestly reflects what is most important to you. There's no way around that. We may say these things don't matter to us, but they do. That's what meditation can do for you - if you're not already doing it. It can help you figure out what you're spending too much time and energy on, and if it's holding you back from pure happiness.

And so, from meditating for the past few years, I'd say that what I've come away with is a list of things that basically would make my life more simplistic, and ultimately happier.

Living off the grid (even for a year would be way cool)
Taking intermittent social media and news ''fasts''
Buying less, and only buying what I need
Spending more time out in nature (Already do this, and yes, this will change your life)
Eating local farm market foods (healthier, and you're giving to your community)
Be mindful, and grateful in all things
Stay fit, both mentally and physically
Read one book per month, or at the very least, every three months
Do something that gets you out of your comfort zone once per month
Write, journal, blog your thoughts

That's all I have to say today, I wish all the moms here, a special Mother's Day!

Until next time...

[*Deidre*]

Monday, May 14

It'd be sooo nice to wake up and have my morning coffee, here....or anything here, really. There's something calming about looking out at the water. Although that cottage probably costs a ton, since it's right on the water.



For now, it will be my virtual getaway.

[The Valkyrie]

Maybe I should set up one of these.

How does "Ravings of a Mad Woman" sound?