Passive-aggressive?

[SaStrike]

If passive aggression leads to a better solution than outright aggressive arguments or even violence would offer, then I say why not just use it.

When "getting rid" of this passive aggressiveness; what is it being replaced with?

[Aroura]

If passive aggression leads to a better solution than outright aggressive arguments or even violence would offer, then I say why not just use it.

When "getting rid" of this passive aggressiveness; what is it being replaced with?

Oh, I don't think it's "bad" in and of itself.  Just as aggressiveness has it's uses.

It can be used by people to emotionally manipulate others, however, and other more harmful and insidious things.  Like most things, it's situation dependant.

[EgoDeath]

I've certainly dealt with passive-aggressive people in my life. In many ways, we have to be polite and considerate of other people... this is often helpful in places like work or school. But we don't necessarily have to be passive-aggressive. I usually see passive-aggressiveness as something done with malice or ill intent. When you want someone to stop being passive-aggressive you really have to take them to task on those behaviors. If you're telling a family member about something they do that bothers you... let's say... they never take the trash out and you always do.

When you bring this up, a passive-aggressive person can respond with:

"How about the fact that you never change the toilet paper roll?"

The problem with this is, maybe they have a point, maybe you never do change the toilet paper roll. This is a sort of passive-aggressive way of avoiding your criticism of them and turning the attack back on you. This is when you have to take them to task and say:

"We can talk about that in a minute, but right now, let's talk about the trash situation."

Subtle insults have to be called out. Passive-aggressive people will often tell you you're being too sensitive or you cannot take a joke, you have to call this out for what it is too.



The other things you listed can be harder to combat and really have to be taken on a situation-by-situation basis.

I see some people arguing that passive-aggressiveness isn't necessarily a bad thing. You might have a point in some cases but I would almost always disagree. Being upfront and "aggressive" with someone is always the better way to go about it. Aggressiveness is essentially assertiveness, though aggressiveness can have undertones of wanting to dominate or attack - this isn't really the case though. Aggression isn't really the problem, it's more our concept concerning the term aggression, in my opinion.

If your boss is hesitant to give you a raise and is avoiding you or being subtly insulting toward you, should you be passive-aggressive, or assertive? In my experience, it's almost always better to go the assertive route and confront the situation head on.

[Angrboda]

I would tend to agree. Primarily because passive-aggressiveness leads to social dead-ends that are hard to get past. With aggression on the other hand, at least there's the opportunity for dialogue. (Though, depending on the aggression, that can limit dialogue as well. Assertiveness is best.)

[vorlon13]

Many years ago some pin head was tailgating me (I was doing speed limit in the slow lane). Up ahead I saw a pallet laying in the road. Checked mirrors and there was no one around except for Mr. Pinhead behind me.

So I waited to last second to hop to the passing lane and the idjit behind me NAILED the pallet.

I didn't hang around to evaluate the damages . . . .

[brewer]

If passive aggression leads to a better solution than outright aggressive arguments or even violence would offer, then I say why not just use it.

When "getting rid" of this passive aggressiveness; what is it being replaced with?

Assertiveness, or at least it should be.

[Little lunch]

I love it when people use the silent treatment on me.
I just fill in the silence with talking and being noisy.
I actually drive passive-aggressive people crazy.
If they don't say hello or look at me as I walk past then I make a point of saying a big hello whenever I walk past them from then on.
When they subtly insult me I laugh my head off and say, 'I see what you did there.'
I actually drive aggressive people crazy also.
I can be a real annoying cunt and if you don't like me for god knows what reason, I'll make it so you'll realise that that's best kept to yourself.
But most people like me so it's all cool. :-)

[bennyboy]

I'm not sure it this is insightful or stupid, but it occured to me that we discourage emotional displays in boys, except for aggressive ones, which are encouraged.  And we do the exact opposite for girls.  Aggressive behavior in women is seen as really vulgar and unnatural, but we encourage other types of emotional display.

It's no wonder we are all fucked up.

Yeah, I think there's a lot to that.  In fact, you may have hit the nail on the head there.

[Aoi Magi]

hmm, that list describes me perfectly... but then again, every single personality test I ever take describes me perfectly

[EgoDeath]

Many years ago some pin head was tailgating me (I was doing speed limit in the slow lane).  Up ahead I saw a pallet laying in the road. Checked mirrors and there was no one around except for Mr. Pinhead behind me.

So I waited to last second to hop to the passing lane and the idjit behind me NAILED the pallet.

I didn't hang around to evaluate the damages . . . .

I did something similar once. A guy was riding my ass up this main road leading to the highway. I was in the turning lane so I wasn't going to change lanes, instead I sped up to see if he'd back off a little, of course he did not. I turned onto the highway and started gunning it down the exit ramp to get this guy off my ass. He stayed right on me so as soon as we got past the guard rail (I didn't want him to smack the guard rail and get hurt or damage his car) I slammed on the breaks, causing him to swerve and spin out in the grass. I then went onto the highway and casually drove home.

I was 18 at the time... no excuse as doing something like that and, and something like what you did, is incredibly stupid and irresponsible. What if the guy I brake-checked flipped over or something? You never know. 

I've never done anything like that since and don't ever plan to. In the car, especially on the highway, is no place to start being a passive-aggressive little asshole and start risking people's safety. Not cool!