I hate how my dad "encourages" me to learn

[Brian37]

When I tell my dad I thought I failed a certain exam, he exploded. He told me that I'm not serious, I don't try enough. He told me that he and my mom make efforts so I can study. He had a long speech.
Why doesn't he realize he makes things worse? The time I use to listen to his speech is time I could use for learning. Not to mention it also takes time for me to calm down after said speech. 
Why does he tell me I don't try enough? I really try my best, I really do. There is a lot of work and I'm struggling to keep up with it. I also do have some emotional problems, which I didn't tell him or mom, but still. I have a lot of mood swings and when I'm feeling down It's hard for me to concentrate while learning. I figured out it would be best to take some time to calm down and then continue learning, but even then I lose some time. What should I do if I get mood swings during an exam? It never happened before. I have a therapy appointment, but it's only after the end of the semester and I still have 4 exams to go.
He also told me that one day he might get really pissed and make me change universities. And that if I don't learn might as well get a job. I don't know if he really means it, or just trying to scare me.
If I try to talk to him he won't listen.

I'm assuming your parents are paying for your school? If so it not hard to see why they're so invested in how you do, because nobody wants to pay for you to retake a course, etc.. Trying to find a balance between sympathy and frustration here for them is likely difficult.

I would suggest finding ways to make it more your financial burden than theirs, applying for student and private loans, grantsand scholarship, work study, etc..

That way the cost of your failures are carried more so by yourself than them.

I'd say having had LD and ADD it really is not helpful if a parent does not understand that kids learn differently and just because one person is good at something means  everyone is good at the same things.

I get what you are saying. Parents don't want their children to struggle in life. But it still does no good to expect a child to be a clone of the parent, because they are not. 

My X wife had both a masters and PHD in biochemistry. But even when she graduated, she knew of fellow students who ended up working at places like Starbucks. So it isn't just about grades.

I don't care where someone ends up as far as class, the more educated a society is the more stable it is on average. And as far as getting student loans, under our current GOP it is a rip off run by private loan companies, and nobody should be in dept for 20 or 30 years, regardless if the parent is paying or the kid is paying.

Just like our health care system, our college costs are outrageous. There is no good reason either costs should be so high in such a rich nation.

[tackattack]

side note, Parent's don't pay for college so kids will get good grades. Parents pay for college because they want to equip their children for the real world. If it's causing you problems that prevent you from communicating issues in the real world, it's not really equipping, encouraging or bettering you to deal in the RW.

[Acrobat]

  I'd say having had LD and ADD it really is not helpful if a parent does not understand that kids learn differently and just because one person is good at something means  everyone is good at the same things. 
I get what you are saying. Parents don't want their children to struggle in life. But it still does no good to expect a child to be a clone of the parent, because they are not.

I think if you’re paying for your kids tuition the expectation is that they get passing grades. If they have issues getting passing grades because of learning handicaps, they should probably be dealt with prior to enrolling them in college, or perhaps college isn’t for them. 

I don't care where someone ends up as far as class, the more educated a society is the more stable it is on average. And as far as getting student loans, under our current GOP it is a rip off run by private loan companies, and nobody should be in dept for 20 or 30 years, regardless if the parent is paying or the kid is paying.

That’s probably a difference in philosophy between us. I pay for my kids college tuition primarily for their economic well being, so that they can make a decent living. As far as developing their character etc… that’s the role of their community and parents, and social networks. 

If they want an education merely for an education sake, I would expect them to either finance it themselves, or start a go fund me, supported by those who are all about that. 

I’m also with you on the outrageous costs of education, though there are more affordable options, like state schools etc… I don’t have any solutions here, but I can agree with you on the problems.

[Brian37]

side note, Parent's don't pay for college so kids will get good grades. Parents pay for college because they want to equip their children for the real world. If it's causing you problems that prevent you from communicating issues in the real world, it's not really equipping, encouraging or bettering you to deal in the RW.

Most colleges try to attract diversity, and just for that the experience is worth it. But it also teaches you research skills, cooperation skills, meeting deadlines. But again just like k-12 schools, colleges can and do have horrible teachers whom really only like the title and simply recite information, which is not the same as getting inside the student's head and relating to them in a way they personally understand.

Good teachers to me, are the ones who don't simply repeat something , but have the ability to relate to the individual student and treat each student as an individual.

As far as my mom was concerned, she was simply happy I had the experience and my grades were mixed, mostly B's and Cs and a few audits too.

[Acrobat]

side note, Parent's don't pay for college so kids will get good grades. Parents pay for college because they want to equip their children for the real world. If it's causing you problems that prevent you from communicating issues in the real world, it's not really equipping, encouraging or bettering you to deal in the RW.

I guess that depends on the parents. I didn't pay for college, nor do I pay for my kids college tuitions for the sake of equipping me or them for the real world. I pay for college so that they're equipped to find a decent job, and make a decent economic living. 

The rest of their development as a person, their moral character, etc.. is the responsibility of their parents and their community. I expect my children to be strong and have good characters primarily as the result of being brought up in a proper community, with good role models, etc... I don't expect them to have to rely on their educational institutions to provide this for them. If i did, I would be very disappointed.

[Der/die AtheistIn]

DA, from what you said I feel there is a bit of a communication gap between you and your parents, you seem to keep wondering why your parents don't seem to understand that you are trying your best, well from what you said, it is because you are not telling them that. Parents are not psychics and won't know your thoughts or problems if you keep hiding them! Yes they might, or rather let's say they will overreact, and you might get a few more very long speeches, but it's better to hear those from your own parents, rather than outsiders! Moreover, once you do let your parents know, they will do their best to get you the help you need, and the earlier you get help the better off you'll be in your life. So you must gather the courage to let your parents know and if you are really afraid to do so alone, get help from a sibling/cousin/friend, or even a letter might work, but you've got to let your parents know!

I told him numerous times that I try my best, this doesn't calm him down at all

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I remember the day my own dad 'encouraged' me to learn.  We were mucking out a pig sty and he said, 'Get educated, boyo, or you'll be doing this for the rest of your life.'

Highly motivational, that was.

Boru

[tackattack]

Getting them equipped to find a decent job, and make a decent economic living = better dealing with the RW. I wasn't specifying that clooeges take over the role of moral upbringing, just generally more prepared for the mechanizations of life.

[Brian37]

DA, from what you said I feel there is a bit of a communication gap between you and your parents, you seem to keep wondering why your parents don't seem to understand that you are trying your best, well from what you said, it is because you are not telling them that. Parents are not psychics and won't know your thoughts or problems if you keep hiding them! Yes they might, or rather let's say they will overreact, and you might get a few more very long speeches, but it's better to hear those from your own parents, rather than outsiders! Moreover, once you do let your parents know, they will do their best to get you the help you need, and the earlier you get help the better off you'll be in your life. So you must gather the courage to let your parents know and if you are really afraid to do so alone, get help from a sibling/cousin/friend, or even a letter might work, but you've got to let your parents know!

I told him numerous times that I try my best, this doesn't calm him down at all

As much as I love my late mother, she and my dad were both authoritarian types. Looking back, their intent was to prepare me for life, but many parents do not understand that kids are not clones of them.

Trust me, the only real thing you have in life is your own happiness. No matter his intent, you ultimately know you, and you cannot live your life for him, even if you want to please him.

Don't get me wrong, I still say a college education is worth it, no matter what kind of job you end up with.

But you still are not a clone of him. You have to ultimately find out what you want for your own life, and you have to be happy with yourself.

It took my late mother long into my adulthood to finally accept me for me, and not something to be molded into her image. Better late than never.

My only suggestions I made before. Try to find what you like, and classes you are not as good at, try to find help from other students or tutors. Lighten your class load too. Some students can handle heavy class schedules, but I took 4 classes per semester at most, sometimes only 3. And a few I audited too because I knew I wasn't going to pass.

I can say the biggest problem with learning anything is if you have performance anxiety, which I did, and stress does not help either. Even outside of college, on quite a few jobs, I hated getting thrown in the deep end suddenly. I found I did better in class, and at work, when those trying to teach me something allowed me to do one thing at a time, and allowed me to take my time, and didn't look down on me when I asked questions.

The other thing I can say too, after college, when I wasn't under pressure to learn, I found I absorbed a lot more. 

I can read people like Dawkins and Hitchens and Harris now without fear. But I can tell you, if I went to a major state college that offered a history class on atheists, and that professor was like any other teacher I hated, I would have failed.

But because I was able to take my time, and had help from on line friends and skype conversations, things I was allowed to bounce off others without stress, allowed me to understand things that classroom stress would have blocked me from understanding.

It is ok to not understand something, but it is also important to learn how you personally learn best. Think of things you do know, and think of the way the person who taught them to you taught you. 

I think you are bright enough to do that, I see that you read and understand many posts here, and many posts that many theists don't get. 

But still, you cannot control your Dad regardless. But don't put yourself down either. You are you, not him.

[Aoi Magi]

DA, from what you said I feel there is a bit of a communication gap between you and your parents, you seem to keep wondering why your parents don't seem to understand that you are trying your best, well from what you said, it is because you are not telling them that. Parents are not psychics and won't know your thoughts or problems if you keep hiding them! Yes they might, or rather let's say they will overreact, and you might get a few more very long speeches, but it's better to hear those from your own parents, rather than outsiders! Moreover, once you do let your parents know, they will do their best to get you the help you need, and the earlier you get help the better off you'll be in your life. So you must gather the courage to let your parents know and if you are really afraid to do so alone, get help from a sibling/cousin/friend, or even a letter might work, but you've got to let your parents know!

I told him numerous times that I try my best, this doesn't calm him down at all

No, not just that, you've got to tell him about your mental health as well as how his speeches are affecting you. If it doesn't work, tell it to your therapist and enlist their help in mediating between you and your parents.