Wife upset i am an atheist

[Southern Atheist]

So I've been married 7 years and a little over a year ago I became an atheist due to realizing my belief in the Christian god was unfounded. I found the reasons I believed were fallacious or unjustified and after looking for answers and proof that the Christian god actually existed I came to be an atheist. I live in the bible belt and I can count the number of open atheist I've actually met in person on one hand, my wife is the only person I have honestly told that I have come to be an atheist and she is understandably upset as we were both believers when we married although we were never really religious as in we didn't go to church. She doesn't have any good reasons to believe herself I think its more like she's just hopeful there is a god and she wants me to be in heaven with her when we die even though I've told her I don't believe heaven exist. Also she thinks its just more "normal" to believe than not to believe especially around here when 90% of people are Christians. I haven't tried to push her towards atheism at all mainly because her father is deceased and I feel that thinking he is in heaven helps her cope. To sum it up she is very upset and she can't understand why I have become an atheist and I don't feel I can fully explain why I have without seeming to attack her belief even if that's not my intention.

I'm not really asking for opinions on what I should do although I welcome them, just haven't been able to talk about my current situation with anyone and wanted to get it off my chest and wondering if anyone has been in this situation before.

[Alex K]

Charles Darwin had the same problem! They somehow managed, there are some interesting letters.

[Abaddon_ire]

So I've been married 7 years and a little over a year ago I became an atheist due to realizing my belief in the Christian god was unfounded. I found the reasons I believed were fallacious or unjustified and after looking for answers and proof that the Christian god actually existed I came to be an atheist. I live in the bible belt and I can count the number of open atheist I've actually met in person on one hand, my wife is the only person I have honestly told that I have come to be an atheist and she is understandably upset as we were both believers when we married although we were never really religious as in we didn't go to church. She doesn't have any good reasons to believe herself I think its more like she's just hopeful there is a god and she wants me to be in heaven with her when we die even though I've told her I don't believe heaven exist. Also she thinks its just more "normal" to believe than not to believe especially around here when 90% of people are Christians. I haven't tried to push her towards atheism at all mainly because her father is deceased and I feel that thinking he is in heaven helps her cope. To sum it up she is very upset and she can't understand why I have become an atheist and I don't feel I can fully explain why I have without seeming to attack her belief even if that's not my intention.

I'm not really asking for opinions on what I should do although I welcome them, just haven't been able to talk about my current situation with anyone and wanted to get it off my chest and wondering if anyone has been in this situation before.

Sure. I am an atheist with an RCC ex-wife. It was easy enough to simply get along with that disparity for a time. That time stopped when kids turned up. Then it became a huge issue. While I can sympathise/empathise with your position, I cannot tell you what to do in your particular situation. I don't know you, nor your partner, nor the dynamic that entails. So I would not even attempt to tell you what is the correct thing to do.

What I can do is tell you that you are not alone in such a position. And I understand that perceived loneliness. I lived it.

What I can do is relate how my similar position played out. That does not mean that your path must be the same as mine. But at least you have the idea that there really are fellow travellers out there and we really do give a shit about others in similar circumstances.

[Southern Atheist]

So I've been married 7 years and a little over a year ago I became an atheist due to realizing my belief in the Christian god was unfounded. I found the reasons I believed were fallacious or unjustified and after looking for answers and proof that the Christian god actually existed I came to be an atheist. I live in the bible belt and I can count the number of open atheist I've actually met in person on one hand, my wife is the only person I have honestly told that I have come to be an atheist and she is understandably upset as we were both believers when we married although we were never really religious as in we didn't go to church. She doesn't have any good reasons to believe herself I think its more like she's just hopeful there is a god and she wants me to be in heaven with her when we die even though I've told her I don't believe heaven exist. Also she thinks its just more "normal" to believe than not to believe especially around here when 90% of people are Christians. I haven't tried to push her towards atheism at all mainly because her father is deceased and I feel that thinking he is in heaven helps her cope. To sum it up she is very upset and she can't understand why I have become an atheist and I don't feel I can fully explain why I have without seeming to attack her belief even if that's not my intention.

I'm not really asking for opinions on what I should do although I welcome them, just haven't been able to talk about my current situation with anyone and wanted to get it off my chest and wondering if anyone has been in this situation before.

Sure. I am an atheist with an RCC ex-wife. It was easy enough to simply get along with that disparity for a time. That time stopped when kids turned up. Then it became a huge issue. While I can sympathise/empathise with your position, I cannot tell you what to do in your particular situation. I don't know you, nor your partner, nor the dynamic that entails. So I would not even attempt to tell you what is the correct thing to do.

What I can do is tell you that you are not alone in such a position. And I understand that perceived loneliness. I lived it.

What I can do is relate how my similar position played out. That does not mean that your path must be the same as mine. But at least you have the idea that there really are fellow travellers out there and we really do give a shit about others in similar circumstances.

Thanks and I see where you are coming from with the kids thing I believe that is her biggest concern because we have a 3 year old and she is worried about how we will raise him, I've told her that I am not against letting her take him to church or whatever, i'm not even against going to church myself if she wants as i'm not afraid of hearing that stuff. But it old her that when he ask me about it I am going to tell him the truth about what I think of the subject, I feel like when he gets older he can make his own decision and I will certainly do my best to try and teach him critical thinking and logic.

[no one]

The enduring rock and a hard spot dilemma, made a bit more complex by the delicate nature of matrimonial intimacy.

Believe it or not, there are plenty of believers that take your stance as an outright attack on their cherished faith. Almost as if you being true to yourself, is a wicked betrayal of their trust. That's not to say every believer follows this line of thinking. To me it seems, the closer you are to this person, the deeper the wound you have so callously inflicted.

Now I don't have all the variables of your current situation, perhaps not harping on either position will allow the potential powderkeg to blow over. Perhaps not.
One thing for sure, if you both sincerely care for one another, the trivial matters, matter not.

[Southern Atheist]

The enduring rock and a hard spot dilemma, made a bit more complex by the delicate nature of matrimonial intimacy.

Believe it or not, there are plenty of believers that take your stance as an outright attack on their cherished faith. Almost as if you being true to yourself, is a wicked betrayal of their trust. That's not to say every believer follows this line of thinking. To me it seems, the closer you are to this person, the deeper the wound you have so callously inflicted.

Now I don't have all the variables of your current situation, perhaps not harping on either position will allow the potential powderkeg to blow over. Perhaps not.
One thing for sure, if you both sincerely care for one another, the trivial matters, matter not.

Oh I know believe it or not when I was growing up I was convinced that atheist were Satan worshiping evil people because that is how most people around here perceive them, it took doing research on the subject to find out they were not that, I don't feel like I can be open about being atheist as I would be shunned by friends and family and could even create problems at my job.

[no one]

That bible belt is pretty tight there, huh?

[Southern Atheist]

That bible belt is pretty tight there, huh?

Maybe its not as bad as I think it would be, I did have a co worker that was an atheist but he was a total loon, don't think he had good reasons behind it but everyone got along with him although there was some ridicule of him and his atheism he wasn't outright shunned or treated different than other employees so maybe I am over thinking it a bit.

[Abaddon_ire]

Thanks and I see where you are coming from with the kids thing I believe that is her biggest concern because we have a 3 year old and she is worried about how we will raise him,

Same here. My position was simply that I would not outright lie to support a religion I considered to be outright baloney. Ask me to blatantly lie to my kids? Hell, as early as possible I was warning them about what the priesthood would do to them at the drop of a hat.

I've told her that I am not against letting her take him to church or whatever,

Same here. But I realised that the very act of me staying home watching TV or cooking dinner or whatever would prompt those young enquiring minds to ask questions. Questions to which she had no valid answers.

I went so far as to suggest that i'm not even against going to church myself if she wants as i'm not afraid of hearing that stuff.

Sure. The standing thing here is Births, Marriages and Deaths. You get the picture. One shows up at such occasions out respect and those occasions are not the time or place to start some theological debate. Been there done that.

But it old her that when he ask me about it I am going to tell him the truth about what I think of the subject, I feel like when he gets older he can make his own decision and I will certainly do my best to try and teach him critical thinking and logic.

I didn't even ask. I led by example. End result? I have two critical thinking heathens as a result with little effort from me beyond simple questioning. Is that a bit cynical? No, not at all. I simply allowed space for questions to be asked. If I knew the answer, then I provided it. If I didn't I said "I don't know. Let's see if we can find out."

The thing here is that children, given some space and some honesty, ask the most amazing questions that are so unexpected that they will derail any parent. How does the parent deal with that? It is only in one of two ways. Either curiousity about the world at large, or a nose dive into the ignorance of religion.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Have you thought about getting a different wife?

Boru