Probably the saddest, most pathetic thing I've ever experienced.

[Duty]

I have an 8 year old nephew (by my sister). I've been there with him through every birthday, Christmas, house move etc although I gues I've only been in his company say, twice, three or four times a year on average, due to our being geo distant. There is no father figure for him as he's...well, lets just say bad, and my nephew has had no contact with him - ever.

My nephew always delights in my company, increasingly as the years rolled by. I of course have unconditional love for him (I've only got one nephew to boot). 

During this latest visit over the last week (5 days), where the travesty occurred, he even said "you're like my dad, because we're properly related, not like X (my sister's boyfriend)."

I had to cut the visit short because of my sister and boyfriend's increasing and EXTREME condescending put downs directed at me. Why were they treating me this way? Because, BY THEIR OWN ADMISSION NO LESS, they both felt "jealous" of how much my nephew was enjoying my company. Pathetic or what....

Because of this it now seems to me that my relations with my sister/her boyfriend have utterly and irrevocably terminated, which has the knock on effect that I will have no more contact with my nephew. 

What utter, utter folly. 

[Sal]

Sounds like quite the pair. This boyfriend of hers, how's he like? I don't know enough to base this on, but that sounds like this dude took offence and went off the rails.

[Duty]

He wasn't around for most of it and didn't lose his temper AFAIK but he conveyed his pathetic jealousy and doubtless did nothing to assuage my sister's wrathful slating of me nor her "reasoning" to him expressing HER pathetic jealousy. He's 59 years old, she's 40 btw....adults? Hardly.

[onlinebiker]

Think ahead.

The boy is going to grow up - and you will still be the favorite uncle.

You might even end up having him show up on your doorstep looking for a place t o live. (It happened to a buddy of mine)

[Duty]

That's good advice OLB, and I'm trying not to burn all bridges because of stuff like that. I must confess however that I wouldn't put it past my sister to tell my nephew about all the skeletons in my closet she knows about to try and make him not adore me any more....she's already been slagging me off to our mother over this with exaggerated fabrications such as "he didn't do any washing up!" (FFS - PATHETIC!).

[Silver]

Family can be stupid. I sympathize.

[Fireball]

That really stinks. Sorry to this.

[The Grand Nudger]

When parents come to believe that their role is being undermined, rightly or wrongly, they start to have all kinds of bad thoughts™ about whomever they think is sabotaging that relationship. We could sit here for days talking about all of the ways people read these situations wrong and then do harmful or hurtful things on account of that initial misappraisal - but to buck the trend and talk about the silver lining hiding in plain sight, as you put it (or as they put it) - they're jealous. They're acting out because you have something that they desire, that thing being what seems to you and/or to them to be a better relationship with their child (who's figured out that clever little real dad™ thing that sends non biological parents into a tizzy, lol).

There are kids whose parents really don't give enough of a shit to get jealous.

What your sister and her boyfriend may be missing here, if the kid holds you in a position of high esteem, is your immediate value to strengthening their relationship with the child, of increasing their status with the child, of your utility as a third party to address and maybe even change their child's perception of their relationship with him. They're more likely to get what they want, what makes them jealous, with you as an advocate rather than adversary. You could be the voice of his parents in whatever discord there is between them in a much more effective way than they could speak for themselves.

[Duty]

I usually have to read your posts a few times before grasping what you're saying TGN, and the above is no exception and I think I'm not quite there yet, but I will put in at this juncture that it is not my gut feeling AT ALL that they feel/felt that "their role is being undermined" but rather that they've got vulnerable egos (as do most) and can't stand the fact that, when I'm on one of my rare "special treat" visits, I am my nephew's favourite person in the world...and also they can have "alone time" at his house while I babysit so they feel all "left out" etc...well, that last thing does read a bit like maybe they feel undermined...but it was their choice to leave nephew with me for their "alone time" so they, er, undermined themselves? Need more thinking do I 

Another thought I've had on this is that, if I really do have UNCONDITIONAL love for nephew, perhaps I should forgive and forget the pair's scandalous buffoonery in the name of doing what's right by nephew...bloody hell this is a complicated one lolz

[Sal]

Hmm, I agree with The Grand Nudger (sorta). Employ your good relationship with your nephew to ameliorate your relationship with your sister, like letting your nephew know that you think (if you do) that you would like to repair your relation with your sister. Speculating, I reckon your sister will see this as an act of goodwill (unless she has such an assholy frail ego as you explain, such she won't make any concessions) and at least attempt at repairing your sibling relationship. I get the notion that you used to be on a level playing field with your sister, right? If so, what changed?