Groomed at 17

[vulcanlogician]

Am I lost? What video? What type of grooming?

I can't relay comment until I view the vid.

I'm with you, Brew. What is grooming? Is this, like, dog grooming? Like making the end of a poodle's tail into a fuzzy sphere? Or is this grooming more sinister?

Please explain, someone who knows.

[arewethereyet]

One of the definitions of grooming, in this context, is when an adult takes steps to basically train a child or underage teen into sexual behavior. It's often an ongoing process that eventually convinces the victim that they are doing what they are supposed to do or at least that they have to keep it secret.

[paulpablo]

The video is from a youtuber called Nikki Land

I found out about her because I was searching for tattoo tour videos otherwise I wouldn't know who she was.

I think if I understand correctly she became famous via YouTube because she was seeing the 23 year old who she is saying groomed her, he was already relatively youtube famous but i hadn't heard of either of them personally.

The video is one of her more recent videos and is easy to find.

The grooming in this case is just purely for a sexual relationship.

I'm not really arguing that it isn't grooming, it probably technically is.

It's just from my perspective, maybe because I'm from the UK, or because of something else, I don't see the age gap of 17 to 23 being such a big deal.

In the UK we had the cases of pakistani men grooming young girls, but they were like 13, 14 or 15 and it seems most weren't just pestered for sex, it was gangs of men getting them in a house, stealing their phone, and not letting them go and so on.
Or the cases on how to catch a predator where the girls and boys are like 12, 14 or 15.

When I hear grooming I think of cases like this and others, whereas this woman is talking about being groomed  at 17 and how this guy used to interrupt her during the youtube videos they made together and didn't listen to her ideas. And the comments are commending her on being brave and getting through this.

Although I want to add the video is so long I did skim through it so maybe I missed the really traumatic parts, but all I could hear is evidence of a pretty shit relationship but nothing that would require therapy.

I took time to watch the entire video. What a very powerful statement of her own personal history, and I believe her testimony. She went through some shit with this guy. He is obsessed with her. What a damn jerk! The important thing is she got out of that abusive relationship after 5 years, and warns other young women who may be watching this video to get out of abusive relationships and seek help. I think she is providing a sort of public service through this video. If I had a daughter, I would make sure she watched this video.

I didn't watch the entire thing, what were the most traumatic things she went through?

Anytime I skipped through the video it was basically as I said, he interrupted her while making videos, didn't listen to her ideas, put her on a guilt trip sometimes.

Everything she's talking about to me sounds normal.

Every girl I've broke up with has cried and made me feel massively guilty and I've done similar things when girls have broke up with me because I'm upset and i want them to feel a bit guilty.

I was only a year older than her when I got with a girl in her early 20s and with a girl who was 27 when i was 19.

Arguing about someone not listening to you and interrupting you is also really normal.

Again, I didn't watch the whole video and maybe I missed an important part. I didn't hear about any violence or severe manipulation or humiliation. It could exist I just didn't encounter that on whatever part of the video I watched.

[vulcanlogician]

One of the definitions of grooming, in this context, is when an adult takes steps to basically train a child or underage teen into sexual behavior.  

What? That's fucked up.

Is that the "official definition"? Or is that your spin on it? What I'm wondering now is, how do proponents of grooming define grooming?

I feel like what you said is your interpretation of it. What are the facts of it? What makes it an adult training of teen sexual behavior?

[Belacqua]

One of the definitions of grooming, in this context, is when an adult takes steps to basically train a child or underage teen into sexual behavior.  

What? That's fucked up.

Is that the "official definition"? Or is that your spin on it? What I'm wondering now is, how do proponents of grooming define grooming?

I feel like what you said is your interpretation of it. What are the facts of it? What makes it an adult training of teen sexual behavior?

It means that an older person gets interested in an underage person, and takes steps to prepare the way to have sex with the young person later. It might involve physical touching, or it might involve getting close in other ways, in order to make it easy as soon as the young person is of legal age. 

For example, if you take a junior high kid on camping trips that stay legit at first, and get him and his parents to trust you, with the intention of taking advantage at the first opportunity.

[arewethereyet]

One of the definitions of grooming, in this context, is when an adult takes steps to basically train a child or underage teen into sexual behavior.  

What? That's fucked up.

Is that the "official definition"? Or is that your spin on it? What I'm wondering now is, how do proponents of grooming define grooming?

I feel like what you said is your interpretation of it. What are the facts of it? What makes it an adult training of teen sexual behavior?

I watch enough true crime and have a degree in Criminal Justice.  That's what grooming is when you are talking about adults and children in this context.

It's a whole other thing than grooming your dogs.  That, I do, and it's legal and moral.

reference - Child grooming refers to an act of deliberately establishing an emotional connection with a child to prepare the child for child abuse. Child grooming is undertaken usually to carry out sexual abuse and other child exploitation like trafficking of children, child prostitution or the production of child pornography.

Child Grooming Law and Legal Definition | USLegal, Inc.

[vulcanlogician]

What? That's fucked up.

Is that the "official definition"? Or is that your spin on it? What I'm wondering now is, how do proponents of grooming define grooming?

I feel like what you said is your interpretation of it. What are the facts of it? What makes it an adult training of teen sexual behavior?

It means that an older person gets interested in an underage person, and takes steps to prepare the way to have sex with the young person later. It might involve physical touching, or it might involve getting close in other ways, in order to make it easy as soon as the young person is of legal age. 

For example, if you take a junior high kid on camping trips that stay legit at first, and get him and his parents to trust you, with the intention of taking advantage at the first opportunity.

Okay. Yeah. I agree with what AWTY said then.

[arewethereyet]

It means that an older person gets interested in an underage person, and takes steps to prepare the way to have sex with the young person later. It might involve physical touching, or it might involve getting close in other ways, in order to make it easy as soon as the young person is of legal age. 

For example, if you take a junior high kid on camping trips that stay legit at first, and get him and his parents to trust you, with the intention of taking advantage at the first opportunity.

Okay. Yeah. I agree with what AWTY said then.

Wow, I need Bel's okay to be believed?

Nice.

[vulcanlogician]

Okay. Yeah. I agree with what AWTY said then.

Wow, I need Bel's okay to be believed?

Nice.

No. I just didn't know what it was. And Bel was the first to flat out say it.

[arewethereyet]

Wow, I need Bel's okay to be believed?

Nice.

No. I just didn't know what it was. And Bel was the first to flat out say it.

That's fine...my interpretation was surely questionable.