Hello and Advice Requested

[TheJefe817]

I posted this to the exchristian reddit tonight as well, but then found this place and thought it might result in more serious consideration and less flames:

Lately some long-held doubts have accelerated to the point where I would say I am "de-converting" at a rapid pace. I am absorbing all I can find on every side of every apologetic and anti-apologetic and, as you might expect, the weight of truth is much higher on one of those sides.


I find it is getting harder and harder to speak to certain people honestly, in particular my mother, when any conversation drifts toward religion/Christianity. She asks questions sometimes which I just deflect or change the subject. I'm afraid - with no exaggeration - that hearing my true feelings would do her great mental and physical harm - she is of the type who has held to her beliefs for many decades without any true investigation or questioning. It's just who she is - the same can be said for her politics.

One quick anecdote: When I hinted that I was not planning to return to a church post-pandemic, she informed me that her one instruction to my Dad if she is on her death bed is to have all family members pledge faith in Christ forever so that she will see us in heaven. Again, I deflected, but that one left me speechless. My response was that, while I understand this from her perspective, it is impossible for me to make myself believe something *if* I do not (leaving it open-ended and noncommittal), or to in fact choose what I believe at all.

So my questions, because I assume many others here have tread similar ground:

1. Do you agree with that assessment - that belief is not something you actively choose, but the result of information and experiences which you parse into your own framework? I am probably not unusual in that I did and still do really, really want to be able to believe, and wish there was some reason to - but I just can't find that reason and can no longer pretend to myself that I do.
   
   
2. How would you/have you handled such a situation/person/people - do you feel it is necessary for me to "come out"? As I said, this is a process and I feel like I am in the middle of it (I may always be), so that would seem odd regardless - to come out as being open-minded? Anyhow, thoughts/advice on that are welcome. As a side note, there are others equally problematic - my boss actually makes frequent references to her faith, and I certainly do not want to endanger my career.
   
   
3. Can you suggest resources or groups which might be able to help? There are so many out there, so I'm hoping to curate it down to the best ones to talk to/research.
   

Thank you!

[Jehanne]

Hey, welcome! Lots of good advice here!!

In my opinion, religious faith is best understood in terms of human cultural evolution and from a psychological POV in providing comfort and consolation to individuals and groups.

As for "coming out", I would exercise discretion. "Paris is (sometimes) worth a Mass".

[Angrboda]

Blood is thicker than water, but you'll have to decide what that means to you. On the plus side, you won't be going to hell for telling a few white lies.

[zebo-the-fat]

I have had this argument several times, "You must believe" - they never seem to understand that believing isn't a choice, I can't say "from 9 o'clock on Monday I will believe" it doesn't work that way.
Oh and welcome to this little mad house!