That Sex Thread

[prayforme]

I find it interesting that my first true post on this forum has nothing to do with atheism, but here it goes:

So I'm a 25 year old (straight) male looking back at my past 7 or so years wishing I would have taken my chances for no-strings-attached encounters, particularly during college. I didn't and I deeply regret it, however, I am in a long-term open relationship that has recently become long-distant for the next year or so. My partner is pursuing an internship out in a different state for this duration and we agreed to allow some fooling around while we're "single". Neither of us are fond of the traditional monogamous style relationship (as it pertains to sexuality) so there's no problem there.

My problem is that my experience in the world of single life is slim to none. A couple days ago I did hook up with a woman at a party that was visiting from out of state. Unfortunately, I was too drunk to really appreciate what had happened (and probably didn't perform to the best of my ability as a consequence). And today, for better or for worse, I took a chance by texting her for one last go around before she leaves (no beating around the bush). So far I've had no response and I doubt I will get any, but I'd like to get a consensus of sorts from members here as to the appropriateness of second-night stands. In this particular case, I perceived the risk as minimal as it's likely that I'll never see her again. But it's always good to get an outside opinion.

Since I would like to get into the hunt, so to speak, I have also set my sights on a coworker or two. This is bound to get a mixed response but I'd still like to hear what everyone thinks about that.

And finally, please share your thoughts or suggestions about the single life in general. I'm at a point in my life where I realize my window for such encounters is beginning to close (at least with any frequency) but have yet to truly enjoy it. I'm starved for it and my patience with myself is wearing rather thin.

[Minimalist]

to the appropriateness of second-night stands.

I used to work with an old Navy chief from WWII. Words of wisdom: "Boys, some is better than others but there is none bad."

[prayforme]

"Boys, some is better than others but there is none bad."

Sounds about right to me, but I'm not sure that too many women would agree.

[Cinjin]

My problem is that my experience in the world of single life is slim to none. A couple days ago I did hook up with a woman at a party that was visiting from out of state. Unfortunately, I was too drunk to really appreciate what had happened (and probably didn't perform to the best of my ability as a consequence). And today, for better or for worse, I took a chance by texting her for one last go around before she leaves (no beating around the bush). So far I've had no response and I doubt I will get any, but I'd like to get a consensus of sorts from members here as to the appropriateness of second-night stands. In this particular case, I perceived the risk as minimal as it's likely that I'll never see her again. But it's always good to get an outside opinion.

Since I would like to get into the hunt, so to speak, I have also set my sights on a coworker or two. This is bound to get a mixed response but I'd still like to hear what everyone thinks about that.

And finally, please share your thoughts or suggestions about the single life in general. I'm at a point in my life where I realize my window for such encounters is beginning to close (at least with any frequency) but have yet to truly enjoy it. I'm starved for it and my patience with myself is wearing rather thin.

First I'll say welcome. Than I'll say, no - I'm not praying for you. Than to the crux.

1. Why have a long distance partner especially when that partner prefers an open relationship?
(but that's a pointless debate - so consider that a rhetorical)
2. You're not going to get a call back from that woman. If you think that you performed poorly ... trust me, you did. Don't bother. Have some self-respect, let it be what it was and move on. Everybody has an offnight here and there. Besides, if she thinks that you didn't give a shit, you'll probably have a better chance if you do ever happen to run into her again. (Don't ask me why, people want things that don't want them).
3. It's usually (there are exceptions) not a good idea to dip your pen in the company ink. I'd stay away from those work relationships.
4. For whatever reason I've personally had the best luck with women at public events. ie. Fairs, Biker Meets, Concerts, Fireworks as opposed to bars and clubs.

Just my humble opinion.

[FBM]

to the appropriateness of second-night stands.

I used to work with an old Navy chief from WWII. Words of wisdom: "Boys, some is better than others but there is none bad."

An old guy once told me something very similar: "Even the worst I've had was good."

@prayforme: Listen to Cinjin Cain about coworkers, but otherwise, tap anything that's got a pulse. The experience you gain in how to please a woman will come in handy some day.

[Violet]

Monogamy can die in a fire, along with gasoline. Better yet, burn it in a lake of gasoline lit on fire.

Single life: boring as hell. Not enough people to manipulate.

[Cinjin]

Single life: boring as hell. Not enough people to manipulate.

I would think about married life ... not single life.

[prayforme]

1. Why have a long distance partner especially when that partner prefers an open relationship?
(but that's a pointless debate - so consider that a rhetorical)
2. You're not going to get a call back from that woman. If you think that you performed poorly ... trust me, you did. Don't bother. Have some self-respect, let it be what it was and move on. Everybody has an offnight here and there. Besides, if she thinks that you didn't give a shit, you'll probably have a better chance if you do ever happen to run into her again. (Don't ask me why, people want things that don't want them).
3. It's usually (there are exceptions) not a good idea to dip your pen in the company ink. I'd stay away from those work relationships.
4. For whatever reason I've personally had the best luck with women at public events. ie. Fairs, Biker Meets, Concerts, Fireworks as opposed to bars and clubs.

Just my humble opinion.

1. It's a temporary long distance deal. We both allow for some messing around, especially considering it will be a year before we're back together for any length of time. We believe that it is unrealistic to expect a hands off approach to others. We've been together since 2006, much of that time living with each other. It's a serious relationship that we have no intention of ending any time soon.

2. Yeah I figured that much. Doesn't hurt to try I suppose. What is most frustrating to me is all the little games men are expected to play (minus the booze) to get into a woman's pants. Men and women want sex and there is no getting around that. As long as folks are smart about it, why so much inhibition?.. religion aside for the moment.

3. I should say that I don't work with the same women every day. I work in a college town with quite a few part-time student workers (I graduated 2 years ago). It's not a long term career deal and I don't find the risk too high. I can definitely understand avoiding coworkers as a general rule, but would you consider this case an exception?

4. Yeah I need to get me a dog so I can walk around town with it. I stay away from bars and clubs, usually.

Monogamy can die in a fire, along with gasoline. Better yet, burn it in a lake of gasoline lit on fire.

Yeah, I agree. I would argue that very few people are fit for monogamous relationships. But, social pressures exist and folks get sucked in - only to deeply regret it soon after. Cheating would cease to be a problem as soon as folks acknowledge this.

[Violet]

Single life: boring as hell. Not enough people to manipulate.

I would think about married life ... not single life.

Married to how many?

And what is marriage under this definition anyway?

[Doubting Thomas]

I think monogamy is a good thing as long as both partners are sexually tuned to each other. That is, they both have equal sexual appetites. But that's rarely the case. In my own marriage, my wife is not up to it as much as I am. I would enjoy it three times a week or so, whereas she's OK with once a week or less. Plus I'm far more adventurous in bed where she is content with the same way every time. Of course I think a lot of that probably goes back to her Catholic upbringing, where all sex was considered dirty, evil, and disgusting. I never fell for that, though, since how could something so enjoyable be so bad?

I believe that scientists have said that it's natural for a man to be attracted to many different females and it's actually monogamy that's not natural. If you look at a lot of mammals in the animal kingdom, you can see groups of one dominant male who gets to shag all the females. But is it fair to a person when their spouse isn't interested in sex, but they don't want their spouse to have sex with anyone else, either?

I'm not saying that I'd ever cheat on my wife, nor would I advocate anyone else doing so, but I can understand the reasons why some do. I think open relationships are OK for those who are in them, but I personally don't know how they deal with getting rid of jealousy.