Congress Takes Children Hostage

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http://www.theonion.com/articles/congres...age,26207/

Congress Takes Group Of Schoolchildren Hostage
'We Need $12 Trillion Or All These Kids Die'

WASHINGTON—Brandishing shotguns and semiautomatic pistols, members of the 112th U.S. Congress took a class of visiting schoolchildren hostage today, barricading themselves inside the Capitol rotunda and demanding $12 trillion dollars in cash.

House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), who has emerged as spokesman for the bipartisan group, informed FBI negotiators this morning that the ransom was to be placed in stainless-steel suitcases and left on the Capitol steps by 4 p.m. sharp. If their demands are not met in full, the 11-term representative announced, "all the kids will die."

If the money is not delivered by this evening, members of Congress say they will shoot a new child every hour on the hour.

[Rayaan]

And if anyone is doubting the story, then remember that this is from America's finest news source.

[Minimalist]

Well.... it beats FOX.