Atheists' Dilemma

[chris]

OK, I am an atheist, my Sister and Mother are Roman Catholics and have never felt I could come out and admit my views especially not since my fathers death a couple of months back.

The dilema I find myself in is should I pay lip service when around them and let them continue in their beliefs unchallenged or tell them if asked that I'm an atheist, get into a religious discussion which I can't see will change any of our views but will probably cause hurt to them for even the suggestion that heaven is not real. I've instinctively chosen the former, but a part of me can't help feeling why should I be the one in hiding regardless of the effect on others, surely it's their problem if they can't accept my view.

Posted this one in another tread but it was suggested I put it in a seperate thread as I would be interested to hear what others think.

All the best

Chris

[thesummerqueen]

Tell them you're not very religious but go through the motions until you get out of the house? I don't go flaunting my heathen ways in front of my mother simply because she and I fight enough and I like being at peace with her.

[Epimethean]

I declared atheism by about fourteen, but my parents were pretty sure I was the devil by then, so it must have come as a relief.

[LastPoet]

Just ignore it and get along, there is really no point in making a war banner over it. If asked just say the truth, that you don't believe in god. And if they become mad at you for this fact, its too bad, its their fault...

[Welsh cake]

First things first, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

The death of a loved one and/or family member is tragic, but there is at least one small consolation, you see when dealing with theists you can be honest with them that since you've lost your father, you've also lost all faith in a loving god. You can cite the problem of evil and so on if they keep asking why. Usually this provides breathing-space when dealing with fundamentalists inside or outside the household because they -have- to respect your, and by extension their, loss - regardless of your personal reasons for deconverting, unless the relative or friend you're speaking to is a complete arsehole of course.

Theists make appeals to emotion all the time, so that's exactly what you will have to do here if you no longer wish to be a closet atheist.

[Cyberman]

Trust me, I can sympathise with your loss, chris. It's been my experience that people are at a loss to know what to say to someone in such a position, often out of discomfort or a desire not to say the wrong thing, so they tend to default to the religious platitudes as a form of shorthand. Then there are the ones who truly do believe, or at least want you to believe they believe, that the apparent reassurances of their faith represent reality. I don't know where you're speaking from, but it's not so much of a problem here in the UK; we do have our share of proselytising arseholes, however ordinary people generally seem to be more respectful, or at least tolerant, of atheists. The few times I have had someone bless me or say they'll pray for me or whatever, I've simply responded - politely - that, though I fully appreciate that they mean well, could they please not insult me nor belittle my loss with what I consider to be an inappropriate subject.

[Minimalist]

If they're still catholics after all the shit that has come out about the church in the last 10 years then probably both of them are beyond hope.

Your instincts are sound. You won't change them by arguing with them. They'll just get defensive. It really is a question of how much shit do you want to get into about it.

[fr0d0]

All teenagers question their surroundings, it's natural, and important. If you're clever you'll keep the relationship as sweet as you can, and the most beneficial to yourself. Cults would advise you to cut your ties.

[Epimethean]

Even if it were just to trade one crucified zombie for a new, improved one.

[Cinjin]

How old are you?

If you're 40 than you need to speak up and be counted. If you're 17 and living in your parents house, than I agree with the other members. Keep your nose down, your mouth shut and bide your time.

Whatever you decide - always have your number-one strong argument ready and researched. If when you do finally come out of the atheist closet - you don't want to look like an uneducated dullard who "just wants to do evil". Show them that you've put thought into your decision and that this isn't about rebelling or committing "sin".

cheers.